SRC Bridge Newsletter - The Grandslam

The Grandslam #59 Feb/Mar 2010

2010-02-01T14:13:00.000+08:00

This could well be my last issue. I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I had writing it.... Zain

THE GRANDSLAM

SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER

Feb/Mar 2010 ISSUE #59

1. Message from the Convenor – Shamim Moledina

As this is my first message of the New Year, I would like to wish all of you a belated very happy, healthy and prosperous 2010 as well as for the upcoming Lunar New Year.

SRC was one of the hundreds of worldwide sites hosting the WBF/Ecats Charity Pairs (see below) to support the Haiti earthquake victims. This was our first worldwide simultaneous bridge event and the first club outside of the SCBA ever do so in Singapore. Our scores will be uploaded to the Ecats UK web site where they will be combined with thousands of other players playing the same hands so you can see how you fared in a very large field. Carlton Parker pre-dealt all the hands and directed the game brilliantly with the help of CF Chum. A big thank you to all those who helped and supported this event.
In May we are planning a Bridge section trip to Kuching to play in the open pairs/teams at the Kuching Bridge club. Also, our Beginner Bridge course by ACBL Instructor Carton Parker is scheduled to start on Saturday 10th April at 3pm. Section members who have previously gone through the course may attend FOC. (see below for more information)

2. Resignations From the SRC Bridge Committee

Steven Chew has resigned from his position of Secretary in December 2009 due to other commitments. Vice Convener/Editor Zain Moledina has tendered his resignation effective 1^st Feb 2010 for personal reasons. (This will be my last issue of “The Grandslam”. I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I had writing it … ed)

3. Procedural Controls

One of the requisites in the judicial system is “Not only must the system be fair but it must also be seen to be fair.” We who are responsible to manage bridge in our respective clubs should strive to achieve this same goal. Some of the suggestions below, though far from foolproof, can go quite a way to inject professionalism and transparency into the running of a bridge game.

1. Director: There is a tendency for players to resolve violations between themselves at a bridge table. Even if all parties at the table agree, this is still illegal. It is the job of the Director – plain and simple. He also has the responsibility of running the game. He should be able to handle all movements including those that require shared boards, bye stands, arrowswitch or board skips. This is not as difficult as it sounds because the set-up is easily available from free downloads from the Internet.

2. Cards and Scoring Controls: There should always be at least 2 people present when cards are shuffled by hand or dealt by computer. These boards or information about the hands should never be accessible to just one person especially if that person is also playing in that match or if his team is participating. 2 people must also be present to cross-check the score when it is being manually tabulated or entered into the computer.

3. Availability of Information: Players should be given sufficiently detailed information about their score promptly after the game. Sufficient time has to be given to them to check for anomalies or to appeal. Full results should be sent by the next day to those participants with email addresses.

4. Conflict of Interest: If a situation arises that the director is also playing in the match, special care must be taken. The knowledge of a hand on which the director has to rule may occasionally be unauthorized information. A simple glance at the board number and how many tricks are taken is more than sufficient to be considered UI.

4. WBF/Ecats Charity Pairs -- SRC on 26^th Jan & KKCC on 28^th Jan

The Charity Pairs organized jointly by the World Bridge Federation and ECATs Bridge UK was held over 6 days starting on Monday 25^th January and ending on Saturday 30^th. SRC was proud to host the Tuesday session and raised $260 for the recent earthquake victims via the Haiti Disaster Fund. (see Convenor Message above). Kampong Kembangan hosted the Thursday session with similar success. For full results and overall standings, press Ctrl and click this for SRC and this for KKCC. Worldwide results are based on data available on 31^st January.

SRC result summary as follows:

1^st Zain Moledina (SRC) & Trevor Li 67.3% (worldwide 16/648)

2^nd Christopher Gregory & Sugi Sugiharto 62.7% (worldwide 7/648)

3^rd Anne Lo & Purnawan Sutiono 59.6% (worldwide 225/648)

KKCC result summary as follows:

1^st Anne Lo & Purnawan Sutiono 61.3% (worldwide 122/987

2^nd Prof Yu Chun Yee (SRC) & Zhang Ping 57.5% (worldwide 273/987)

=3^rd Dorothy Wong (SRC) & Ashim C. 57.1% (worldwide 202/987)

=3^rd Tan Soh Hong & Suan Lin 57.1% (worldwide 161/987)

5. SICC X’mas Pairs – 5^th Dec

Singapore Island Country Club had their annual Xmas game with caroling and all the usual Christmas fare. A turkey that survived the Thanksgiving holidays lost out this time round.

It must be some sort of a consistency record because SRC’s Shamim Moledina came second for the third straight year! This year it was with Prof C C Chen, in 2008 with SRC’s Murli Vassanmal and in 2007 with SRC’s Zain Moledina. Now how’s that for a silver touch!

The tournament was won by H S Ho & S K Wu.

6. SRC In-House Xmas Individuals – 13^th Dec

Individual bridge tournaments used to be very rare at SRC – not any more! In order to achieve our objective of greater interaction, these tournaments have now become standard fare.

16 SRC members played 30 boards in 15 rounds with every other player as partner. With a time limit hanging over the players, some tried frantically to agree on bidding conventions at the start of each round. Others just smiled and relaxed knowing that the probability of any specific convention occurring in 2 deals was very small indeed … so why bother.

We had to return to the Stone Age and do manual scoring as there was no computer available and everybody was keen to see the results before going home. A “production line” was set up with a scorer, checker, tabulator and adder.

1^st Pat Leong

2^nd Zain Moledina

3^rd Chris Wong

Top Newbie (tied) Ong Mui Siok & Steven Chew

7. CSC X’mas Pairs - 19^th Dec

Once again, Chinese Swimming Club was running at a full capacity of 12 tables in their annual Pot Luck Xmas Pairs. As players streamed in with their goodies, the fare was consumed just as fast. With this basic need satisfied, the 48 players got down to the business of playing bridge. SRC players were in top form and dominated the proceedings.

1^st Dr. Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) 67.5%

2^nd Dr. & Mrs. Sung (CSC) 62.1%

3^rd Murli Vassanmal (SRC)/Shamim Moledina (SRC) 4^th Ron Savage & Dot Wong (SRC)

8. SRC Xmas Pairs – 25^th Dec

Our Xmas event was a 27 board affair followed by a simple dinner and lot of interaction between friends. The event was won by Chew Ai Leng and Rana Gill followed by Ng Chun Tat and Rajendra Krishnan with Molly Wee and Tan Soh Hong in third place.

9. BTCC Annual Pairs – 26^th Dec

Congratulation to SRC’s Shamim Moledina and Prof C. C. Chen for winning the Senior section of the Bukit Timah CC annual pair event in both the Matchpoint and IMPs categories. In the overall open matchpoint section of 32 pairs, they were 5^th. The match was won by Romulus Tan/Wei Seng followed by Poon Hua/Chua Gang, Tan Sock Ngin/Fong Kien Hoong and Alan Sia/Kimiko Endo. SCBA President Wong Choo Wai gave away the prizes.

10. Keppel Club New Year Eve Pairs – 31^st Dec

15 pairs supported Keppel Club’s traditional potluck New Year eve game. There was a mountain of food and wine as well a huge turkey. The dessert spread included a fruit that was a cross between a jackfruit and a chempedak. After the game, some headed for the Karaoke lounge while others walked to the quiet seafront to watch the fireworks shooting over Sentosa on one side and Labrador Park on the other. All this happened under clear skies and a “blue moon” – the second full moon in the same month. Now how close to perfection can you get!

1^st Zain Moledina (SRC) & Karol Crouse tied with Molly Wee & Henry Goh

3^rd Chia and Chia

11. SRC New Year Pairs – 1^st Jan

28 players attended the annual SRC New Years Pairs Tournament and that makes a total of 364 handshakes or hugs and good wishes going round. In line with almost everybody’s New Year’s resolution, the dinner menu was kept healthy with a minimum of hi-calorie sauces -- just simple mushrooms, broccoli, roast chicken, and fish. SRC pairs took 3 of the top 4 positions.

1^st Trevor Li /Zain Moledina (SRC) 76.5%

2^nd NW Leong/Pat Leong (SRC) 58.6%

3^rd Susan Wee/Zhao Han Jie 54.9%

4^th Dulari Uppal/Shamim Moledina (SRC) 54.0%

12. KKCC 2010 Opening Game – Jan 4^th

After a 2-week closure for the holidays, Kampong Kembangan was back in business with a New Year game with loads of snacks, chocolates and cakes. The icing on the cake came in the form of Peter Arnett who was back for a holiday from

Russia

after an absence of 4 years.

1^st Trevor Li/Zain Moledina (SRC) 63.9%

2^nd Peter Arnett/Shamim Moledina (SRC) 62.2%

3^rd Boon Chuan/Dorothy Wong (SRC) 59.4%

13. KKCC Individual Potluck Tournament – Jan 10^th

The inaugural individual tournament at Kampong Kembangan CC consisted of 32 players who were split into 2 even groups – members and non-members. After a sumptuous lunch the chaotic business of first time partnership began. Many tried to spend a minute or 2 to clarify bidding systems but most just relaxed and let fate guide them through the 30 hands. Mr. Neo Tiam Boon, the CC's Management Committee's Chairman, and Mr Sheng Yizhe, who Chairs the Youth Executive graced the occasion and gave away the prizes.

KKCC Section

1^st Zain Moledina (SRC) 67.2%

2^nd Dr. Trevor Li 59.4%

3^rd Tan Hong Choon 59.0%

Non-Members Section

1^st Karol Crouse tied Yit Yun 56.7%

3^rd Maureen Mah 56.1%

4^th Prof Yu Chun Yee (SRC) 54.4%

14. KKCC Top Performer 2009

Congratulations to SRC’s Zain Moledina for winning the inaugural masterpoints prize (2H2009) based on the weekly games at Kampong Kembangan CC. Tan Yuet Wah won the “most improved” award.

15. Addition to Bridge Library

The Bridge Committee would like to thank Ms Karol Crouse for her kind donation to our library.

1. Laws of Duplicate Bridge Through the Eyes of the Player by Larry Harris

2. Take Your Tricks by Edwin Kantar

3. Bridge Magazine #98 Christmas 2009

These and other books may be borrowed for a period 2 weeks to members and guests.

16. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Dec 1^st to Jan 19^th

DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .

Dec 2 Carl/Zain Dot/RonS AiLeng/Rana

Dec 9 Leong/Pat HongChoon/YuetWah Dot/RonS

Dec 16 Shamim/Perumal Leong/Pat Evelyn/Jane

Dec 23 HongChoon/YuetWah Zain/Vishu Murli/Alan

Dec 30 Vishu/RonOh Anne/Josephine Carl/Zain

Jan 5 Karol/Pheck Ping/Yu BK/Richard=Dot/RonS

Jan 12 Chen/Shamim Lorraine/RonS Ashim/Quresh=Yu/Zain

Jan 19 Dot/Ron Kohei/Shamim Carl/Chris

17. Bridge Beginner Course – 10^th April 2010

For the best value beginner course in Singapore, register your friends and family now. The 8 classes will be held on Saturdays at 3-6pm by Mr. Carlton Parker. You can join by filling a registration form which is available at the SRC foyer or contact Shamim at zaris@singnet.com. SRC Bridge Section members who have previously gone through an SRC course may sit in at no cost. The course is heavily discounted for SRC members and also somewhat for guests to encourage the sport in Singapore.

18. Kuching Bridge Escapade – May 2010

Batam in 2007, Cherating in 2008, Penang in 2009 and now we are off to Kuching to participate in the tournaments organized by the Kuching Bridge Club. This escapade is geared towards active SRC bridge players although due consideration with be given to non-members in order to optimize hotel rooms. Only SRC Bridge Section members will be partially subsidized. Please look out for upcoming details.

19. Splitting Honours

A classic photo (right) from inventor of the strobe – Harold “Doc” Edgerton.

20. Puzzle : Two in a Row

(Answer below)

After a round robin tournament, your team is First – well done! However, to win the Super Bonus prize, you must now play another 3 rounds against the team that came in 2^nd (stronger team, S) and the team that was 3^rd (weaker team, W). Your team will have to play alternately against the other 2 teams. To win the Bonus you must win 2 in a row (not 2 out of 3). So, which is better, SWS or WSW? Or is there no difference? You are the captain of your team and get to choose the sequence. Remember! Your teammates are watching you!

^BR_OK^EN B^RI_DG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

21. Complementary not Harmony

A great partnership is not when a perfect match comes along. More often it is when they learn to appreciate and leverage off their differences.

22. The Power of the One
During History lesson, the teacher briefly went through the Kings and Queens who rule countries. “But” the teacher continued, “There is a higher category of power. Can anybody tell me what it is?'
One child blurted out, 'Aces!'

23. End of the Rope

I always knew that if all else failed I could teach bridge – yup, all else did fail.

24. Expanding Horizons

Sheryl: Why not learn to play Bridge? It is gaining popularity everywhere.

Wayne: So what! So is AIDS.

25. Uplifting Spirits

I never drink alcohol while playing bridge. It interferes with my suffering.

26. How’s That Again?

Winning does not really matter, as long as you win.

27. No one around

I was matched up with another player when I showed up without a partner. All through the match, whenever I made a mistake, he would say "No Man is perfect"
Later I found out that his name was Norman.

28. Bottoms Up

I've always believed no matter how many games I win, I'm going to lose the next one.

29. Cart before the Horse

Some people are so busy learning the various conventions and gadgets of the game; they never fully enjoy the game.

30. Differing Views

Put 4 bridge players on the table and you’ll get 4 different opinions.

31. Road to Success

A champion Bridge player is an amateur who did not quit.

32. Double of Nothing

Joe knows absolutely nothing about the game; his wife plays twice as well.

33. How’s That Again?

Don't let worries get you down - play Bridge instead

34. Place of Honour

The Bridge club secretary was very apologetic, "I'm terribly sorry sir, but our registration for the match is full"

"Wait just a minute," the member argued, "If I told you that Zia Mahmood and Bob Hamman want to play, wouldn’t you register them?"
"Most definitely," she answered.
"Well,” said the member “since I happen to know that they both cannot make it, we’ll just take their slot"

35. Rubbing it In

A Notice at a Bridge Club:

Those who failed the bridge course and are depressed with low self esteem, please attend the special extra class on Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

36. Trumped

A bridge player accidentally got a girl pregnant. When he visited her and saw her condition, he offered to marry her. She said she will consult her family and get back to him. When he showed up the next day she said “Well after some discussion, we decided it was better to have a bastard than a bridge player in the family”

37. Between the Lines

Bridge is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkles you get.

38. Puzzle Answer: Two in a Row

SWS. To win the bonus, your team MUST win the middle game. So it is better to play this against the weaker team, W. Now you have 2 chances to beat the stronger team, S, for the bonus. If you are still skeptical as to why sometimes you play against the stronger team twice is better than once, you just need to plug in some probability values for the 2 team and see for your self. Say if your team can beat S 60% of the time and W 70%. To win 2 in a row with SWS is (0.6 x 0.7) + (0.4 x 0.7 x 0.6) = 58.8 %. To win with WSW is (0.7 x 0.6) + (0.3 x 0.6 x 0.7) = 54.6%.

39. JQK till you Drop

For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com. (press Ctrl and click)

Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Editor

February 1, 2010,

zainmol@gmail.com

The Grandslam #58 Dec09/Jan10

2009-12-01T00:46:00.000+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM

SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER

December 2009/January 2010 ISSUE #58

(Victor Mollo’s Special Jokes Issue)

1. Message from the Convenor – Shamim Moledina

Often overlooked when we have our special tournaments are the people who work behind the scenes. I walked in early at our pair’s event and saw Carl standing quietly sharpening pencils. When Zain requested him to do the crossword this time, he readily accepted the challenge. Then there is BK with his ever ready camera and Pat and Dot always willing and eager to resolve the many last minute things that have to done. One phone call to Florence and she was there to do the scoring. These members and so many others I have left out form the backbone of our section. And of course our hard working F & B group who arranges our layout and food and the PR department who do the logistics. Thank you all.

2. SRC 10^th Annual Open Pairs – the Moledina Trophy – Nov 15

Our 10^th anniversary tournament could well be called a tournament of many firsts. We had a record 9 pairs comprising of 1 or 2 SRC members which also swept the top 3 positions and also 5 of the top 7! What a great way to celebrate our first decade! It was also the first time our traditional bridge Crossword Puzzle was superbly developed by Carlton Parker and for the first time we had a repeat winner – Trevor Li. Yet another first was the formation of an Appeals Committee comprised of 3 Certified Directors – Karol Crouse, Carlton Parker and Zain Moledina -- to ensure that the tournament complies to the highest of standards. What was not new was the tournament format of 36 boards Howell Movement which ensured that every pair played against every other except one.

The tournament went off smoothly under the calm, cool and able directorship of Howard Haythornthwaite with Florence Tan as the scorer.

Convenor Shamim Moledina in her opening address thanked the SRC Management Committee for their unwavering support over past decade and well as the bridge committee, section members and regular supporters. This year in particular, Steven Chew arranged door gifts for everyone from food supplier QBB. Social Chairman Richard Yong who has always solidly supported the Bridge Section kindly consented to give away the prizes.

1^st Dorothy Wong (SRC) & Ron Savage

2^nd Zain Moledina (SRC) & Dr. Trevor Li
3^rd Shamim Moledina (SRC) & Prof Yu Chun Yee (SRC) 1^st in SRC Section

4^th Dr Thomas Wong & Prof C C Chen

5^th R Perumal & KG Srinivasan
6^th Pat Leong (SRC) & N W Leong (SRC) 2^nd in SRC Section
7^th Adelene de Rosa (SRC) & Hilda Tan (SRC) 3^rd in SRC Section

3. KKCC Official Opening and Inaugural Open Pairs – 1^st Nov

A warm welcome and congratulations goes to Kampong Kembangan Community Club on their official opening of the Bridge Club. Convenor Ron Savage and his staff organised a 12 Table 44 Board Tournament starting at 10am. The prizes were handed out by MP Dr Ong Seh Hong and Kg Kembanagan CCMC chairman Mr Neo Tiam Boon. The overall winners were Kelvin Ng & Lam Cheng Yen. However SRC managed to win the Mixed Pair category through Prof. Yu Chun Yee & Zhang Ping as well as the KKCC category through Dorothy Wong & B.K. Tham.

4. Active Ageing Contract Bridge Tournament @ GWCC – 25^th Oct

Those under 50 need not apply! Yes oldies finally have their own grand tournament with great cash prizes and door gifts of hair dyes (what else!)! It was sponsored by Peoples’ Association Active Ageing Section and organised by Geylang West CC Bridge Club. After a short welcoming speech by Convenor Lee Chin, 48 players with a combined age of over 3,000 years started the game. The event was won by Chia Chee Liong & Chia Beng Yang with SRC’s Shamim Moledina & Prof Yu Chun Yee in second place.

Mr Andrew Chen Wai Kwang PBM Chairman of GWCC gave away the prizes.

5. The Penang Bridge Spans to Singapore – 18^th to 21^st Oct

Batam in 2007, Kuantan/Cherating in 2008 and now – Penang.

Our annual SRC bridge escapade saw ten of us packing our bags to hop a Sunday flight to Penang. The famous Penang Bridge, impressive as it was, was not the kind of bridge we were too interested in. Not by a long shot.

We checked into our sea view rooms at the Orchid Copthorne just in time to catch the striking sunset from our balconies. Number 2 on everyone's list was, of course, the fabulous food. Just the smell was sufficient to make you gain weight!

Monday was a free day and some went sightseeing while others headed for the famous food niches (burp), and, of course, shopping. It was difficult to tell if we were still humans as the only sound that could be heard was "cheep cheep". By evening, we were eager to meet our Penang bridge counterparts for the first time at the Penang Sports Club. Dinner was kindly hosted by Dr. K. C. Goh and his wife Florence who had coordinated our trip. This was followed by a game which was roughly split into a "Penang" and a "Singapore" section via a straight Mitchell movement. Our section was won by Ron Savage and Dorothy Wong followed by a Penang-Singapore "rojak" pair of Ms. Barrett Eng and Zain Moledina. In the Penang section, we were extremely thrilled that the grand old lady of Penang, Ms Lorraine Lim (82 years and a smile to melt your heart) and our host Florence Goh were joint first with Dr. Hooi and Frank Kwong.

Early next morning, we played an "open" match at Traders Hotel. This was won by our own Pat and N. W. Leong. Penang's Tan Sri Dr. Chin Fook Weng and Ms Lee Fee Khoon were 2nd followed by our steady pair of Ron Savage and Dorothy Wong. After a magnificent buffet spread, it was time to say farewell to our wonderful new found Malaysian friends.

6. People’s Association Marketplace of Courses – Oct 10

We sent 2 representatives – Zain and Shamim Moledina – to help SCBA in the above exhibition at Downtown East at Pasir Ris. The theme of the event was “Wellness for Everyone”. Bridge was one of perhaps 50 activities being demonstrated and attracted many queries. Some of the booths promoted healthy physical lifestyle like Wushu or Tai Chi and even Tae Kwon Do. Other focused on motor skills like “glass stacking” or “shaping balloon”. There were even salesmen who tried to get people to sign up for non-evidence based medical treatment!

The bridge booth was managed by SCBA’s Lilio Ho and Sugiato. The game was demonstrated mainly to elderly visitors who came by the busloads.

7. SRC Divali Club Nite – 10^th Oct

The bridge section partially subsidised members to attend this function. It was a good opportunity to meet fellow members and friends in an informal setting while supporting our club’s social agenda. 5 members signed up for a sumptuous buffet dinner, music, dances and games.

8. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Oct 6 to Nov 24

DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .

Oct 6 Yu/Ping Zain/RonS Leong/Pat

Oct 13 Shamim/Yu David/Edwin Rana/Ai Leng

Oct 27 Nancy/RonOh Zain/CCChen Shamim/BengTee

Nov 3 Zain/CCChen Jin Meng/Petrina Dot/RonS

Nov 10 Thomas/Perumal Zain/CCChen Karol/Pheck

Nov 17 SSChang/Trevor Zain/Thomas Nancy/RonOh

Nov 24 Leong/Pat Shamim/Yu HongChoon/YuetWah

9. Drury

Every bridge player who has partnered a compulsive “light” opener can sympathize with Douglas Drury. This American expert had the privilege (?) of having Eric Murray as a regular partner who would open in the third seat if he happens to have 13 cards. After suffering several 1100 penalties, Drury invented this convention. This allowed them to stop at the 2 level and only suffer minus 800! Now isn’t that just wonderful!

DOWN

1 A jack has one.

2 Declarer should ____(4,3)

what might go wrong.

3 Type of redouble.

44 4 In teams, better to make the contract than ____ for the extra trick.

7 Your 1NT opening bid will indicate it.

8 Blackwood is a way to ____ (3) for 9-across.

9 Some calls invite partner

_to ___ the bidding.

10 Second hand play ____.

13 Bidding box card.

15 Doubled and re-doubled.

16 Matchpoint result.

10. Crossword Puzzle from SRC Open Pairs 2009 (Answers 13)

Reprinted with the permission of Carlton Parker.

ACROSS

5 Reason to call the Director. (6,5)

6 What you need to get to the board (2,5).

9 See 8-down (4).

11 Many U.S. bridge clubs are _____ by the Director.

12 Type of trick.

14 A major penalty card must be played as soon as _____ possible.

17 Reason to call the Director. (7,4)

Prepared by Carlton Parker Edited by Zain Moledina

^BR_OK^EN B^RI_DG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

11. Fowl Play (Thanksgiving Special Joke)

The national Bridge team was practicing when a large turkey came strutting onto the room and sat down at the table. “Do you mind if I play?”

The players initially humored the bird but pretty soon they were awestruck as the turkey bid perfectly and pulled off amazing plays.

This caught the team captain’s attention “You're terrific!!! Sign up for the team and we will play in the National League, I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus if we win."
"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is this. Does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

12. One Liners From Victor Mollo’s “Masters & Monsters”

(In this issue of THE GRANDSLAM, I have modified and compiled some of the quotes from Victor Mollo’s “Masters & Monsters”. Many of us have grown up enjoying the exploits of his menagerie and I hope that this will inspire others to savor the full flavor in the books themselves).

Hideous Hog: Probability, playing rules, conventions and systems take the place of thinking. That is why they are so popular.

Hideous Hog: (He) is so bad that he admits to mistakes before he makes them

Hideous Hog: If you award Masterpoints for very good results then, logically, you should deduct them for very bad results.

Papa: I don’t understand why you couldn’t see my signal, partner. Everyone knows that a singleton is the top of nothing.

Papa: I am so good I can false card with a singleton.

Rueful Rabbit: Do you want to play Lavinthal or Odd-Even or natural discards?

T Toucan: Let’s play them all.

Papa: People shouldn’t be allowed to use conventions they don’t understand. It’s not fair to the opponents.

T Toucan: I know we agreed to lead A from AK. Sorry my fault. I promise to have the King next time.

Rueful Rabbit: Shall we play McKenney or Lavinthal discards.

( the same… ed)

Rueful Rabbit: At Grandslam, it was a little difficult to rectify the count.

Charlie Chimp: I can concentrate at will on all the hands except the one I am currently playing.

Rueful Rabbit: Some declarers have difficulty counting the opponent’s distribution. I have the same problem with Dummy’s distribution.

T Toucan: If I work very hard at it, I may be able to achieve mediocrity.

Karapet: Did I tell you about ….

Corgi: Yes

Karapet: I expect the worst in bridge and am rarely disappointed.

Karapet: I am so unlucky that in all my life, no one has ever revoked against me.

Karapet: Through constant practice, I have become an expert loser.

Hideous Hog: Nature is so unfair that I have to be the dummy over ten percent of the time. What a waste of my talent.

Hideous Hog: You made your Ace of trumps. What else can you possibly want?

Papa: Only at Duplicate you get a bottom for using safety plays.

O Owl: Better to play very badly than very good. If things go wrong you are in good company.

Hideous Hog: I am so good I only need a partner who can tell one suit from another.

Hideous Hog: Your bidding and card play are not on the same high level as the rest of your game.

Hideous Hog: I know no one whom I would rather see in charge of the dummy.

Hideous Hog: I will bid natural and you bid “Big Minor”. When you have a NT opening, you call 1C and I will bid your NT. If you have a major, bid 1D and I will bid your major. This way you will not get the stress of being declarer.

Papa: I am the better side and we know it.

Hideous Hog: My partner plus 12 sure tricks equals 11.

Hideous Hog: I am such a fine player, no one can deny my right to be rude.

Hideous Hog: It is blatant insubordination. How dare you bid NT and becomes declarer.

Hideous Hog: I do not doubt your luck and I know no one who needs it more than you.

Hideous Hog: Of course I always hold much better cards than you do. Being declarer is part of my system.

Hideous Hog: My point count system? Extra for long suit, extra for short suit and 3 points for my superb play.

Hideous Hog: The opening lead should always run up to the stronger player.

13. Answers : Crossword Puzzle from SRC Open Pairs 2009

Across: 5. FOULED BOARD 6. AN ENTRY 9. ACES 11. OWNED

12. OVER 14. LEGALLY 17. EXPOSED CARD

Down: 1. POINT 2. PLAN FOR 3. SOS 4. TRY

7. RANGE 8. ASK 9. ADVANCE

10. LOW 13. ALERT 15. XXX 16. TOP

14 JQK till you Drop

Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Editor

December 1, 2009, zaris@singnet.com.sg

The Grandslam #57 Oct/Nov 09

2009-10-01T20:36:00.001+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM

SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER

October/November 09 ISSUE #57

(Special Medical-Bridge Jokes Issue)

1. Message from the Incoming Convenor – Shamim Moledina

Thank you for your support and I am happy to take responsibility as the Convenor of the Bridge Section. I sincerely hope that others would volunteer their time and join the Committee so that we can have new ideas and lighten our load. I am very passionate about Bridge and I hope that in spite of my health and personal issues, I will continue to be able to serve in the committee in future.

During my term, I would like to concentrate on the novices and inactive members. The Committee has decided that from Jan 2010, experienced players will partner a novice at least once a month. In this context, we held an In-house Individual bridge game on Hari Raya just between our members. As the feedback was extremely positive, we intend to do this more often.

To cater for inactive members, we will continue to subsidise social events where they can interact with active players and hopefully start playing soon. We are sponsoring 50% for the Divali Club Nite and our Penang Escapade.

2. Pesta Sukan Asian Bridge Championships 2009 7^th-10^th August

Singapore

’s premier regional tournament, we did not submit a Team but Prof Yu and Zain represented SRC in both the Open and Mixed Pairs. It was a solid performance all round with Prof Yu and partner Ping capping it with the Bronze in the Mixed Pairs (see picture).

Open Pairs (

Singapore

unless otherwise stated)

1^st Lam Ze Ying & Lan Foo 65.89%

2^nd Hidayattulah & Frangky B Liogu 65.88% (

Indonesia

)

3^rd Ricky Palandeng & Peter Tora Wang 62.28% (Indonesia)

4^th Romulus Tan & Desmond Oh 60.00%

5^th Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) 59.54%

Mixed Pairs

1^st Jenny Lee & Romulus Tan 69.67%

2^nd Lam Ze Ying & Wong Choo Wai 61.41%

3^rd Zhang Ping & Yu Chun Yee (SRC) 60.15%

4^th Karol Crouse & Zain Moledina (SRC) 59.64%

5^th Jane Choo & Chua Gang 59.37%

Open Teams

1^st International: Wong Choo Wai, Derek Maggs, Endo Kimiko, Alan Sia

2^nd Friends of Sheep: Chua Gang, Kelvin Ng, Pooh Hua, Loo Choon Chou, Ng Yong Hao, Zhang Yukun

3^rd Pastel: Sugiharto, Victor Abadi, Lucky Kosasih, LL Wong, Lilio H.

3. National Bridge League 2009 – Final Result

After flying high last year when we won both our division and the Swiss, we were down to ground level this year. We managed 4^th position in the Swiss (The Bridge Bears won the KO Cup). In the league, we won 4 matches, drew 1 and lost 3 to end in 5^th place (X-Men won our Division).

2009 Active Team Members are Zain Moledina (Capt). Prof Yu Chun Yee (V. Capt), Prof C C Chen, Dr. Trevor Li, Shamim Moledina, Zhang Ping & Karol Crouse.

4. SRC Hari Raya In-house Individual Special – 20^th Sept

Individual Bridge tournaments require a change of partners after every round (to a dreamy melody?). Systems have to be kept simple and luck plays a larger role. On the positive side, it is a great opportunity to play with different people. Who knows? You might just find a regular partner in the shuffle! Nice food, good friends and 33 boards of bridge – surely there were no losers today. Thanks to Terence Sheperdson, SRC’s Games Control Chairman, for giving away the prizes.

1^st Shamim Moledina 61.4% 2nd Adelene de Rosa 60.6% 3rd Zain Moledina 59.1%

Top Newbie: Ong Cheng Huat

5. KKCC Hari Raya Potluck Special – 21^st Sept

Lots of food and laughter accompanied this Kampong Kembangan CC’s game. As there was ample time during the leisurely dinner, it was also an occasion to catch up with news and upcoming plans – the latter included a trip to Antarctica! I am reasonably sure penguins don’t play bridge as they seem too well dressed.

1^st Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) 68.5% 2^nd Eric & Alice Luk 61.5%

3^rd Alan Chua & Phyllis Wong 57.0% tied with David Ong & Ron Savage 57.0%

6. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Aug 4 to Sep 29

DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .

Aug 4 Hong Choon/Yuet Wah Jing Meng/Petrina Nancy/Ron Oh

Aug 11 CC Chen/Zain Pat/Leong tied with Alex/Firoz

Aug 18* Derek Maggs/Zain Karol/Pheck Anne Loh/Punawan

Aug 25 Ping/Yu B K/Richard tied with Anne Loh/Purnawan

Sep 1 Ping/Yu BK/Richard Ai Leng/Rana

Sep 8 Rana/Ai Leng BK/Richard Nancy/Ron Oh tied Pat/Leong

Sep 15 Shamim/Thomas CC Chen/Zain Petrina/Jing Meng

Sep 22 David Chew/Peng Huat CC Chen/Zain Ai Leng/Rana

Sep 29** CC Chen/Zain Shamim/Thomas Yu/Ping

*Welcome to SCBA Hon Secretary and SRC Liaison Derek Maggs for joining us on Aug 18.

**Delighted to have Ms Stella Ee, 86, the oldest active lady bridge player in Singapore join us on Sep 29. She took a break from her Tuesday Tai Chi and came a credible 5^th with partner David Ong.

7. Why Play at SRC?

Care for some bridge on Tuesday evening? Come join our weekly game at 7.30pm at the Singapore Recreation Club. Why? How about these 7 reasons.

1. Quality: Run by SCBA Qualified Directors.

2, Timeliness: Get full Results the very next day on email.

3. Transparent Detailed Information: We use a fantastic scoring program that gives you full hand by hand performance of what exactly you bid and made against what others bid and made.

4. Value: Free for everybody and also some munchies.

5. Convenience: Just a 2 minute walk from City Hall MRT.

6. Partner finding service: Just call/email/sms by Monday morning and we will try to find one.

7. Friendly: We take the game seriously but not ourselves.

As space is limited to 7 Tables, please contact Shamim 64486664/96462786.

8. 2009 Bridge Escapade to Penang – 18^th to 21^st October

This free and easy trip will be partially subsidised for SRC bridge members. Others are most welcome to join. We will sightsee during the day and play bridge in the evening at the Penang Sports Club with our Malaysian friends. Email zaris@singnet.com.sg for details.

9. SRC Divali Club Nite – 10^th Oct

The bridge section will subsidise half of this function for SRC bridge members. Have a great night out and be entertained in this colourful gala event. Email zaris@singnet.com.sg for details and reserve a spot. Others are also welcome subject to availability.

10. Director’s Dilemma

Two years ago, SRC bridge section decided that it was high time to inject some professionalism into the games at our club. We decided to encourage members to attend the SCBA Director Course and to subsidise them if they pass. Previously, our games, like those at most clubs in Singapore, were run by an experienced player. Somehow the idea developed, not surprisingly, that an experienced player is also knowledgeable in the rules. I had an encounter recently when a “director” did not even know when a card is considered played! No consultation with others. No check with the rule book. Make a decision and walk off! Yes, I have become painfully aware of the poor knowledge of bridge laws outside the SCBA, Hopefully this article will spur clubs to recognize this as a real problem and resolve it.

A fundamental misconception among social players is that the director is “on the side” of the person who called the director. The role of the director is to fairly implement the law. In fact, the director should go out of his way to understand the inexperienced player’s side because the law-savvy player may be better able to state his case.

Social players usually dislike anyone calling the director. They either want to gloss over the matter or try to resolve it among themselves. They fail to realise that this is not only illegal but possibly unfair. Without the presence of a neutral party like the director, this is a sure fire way to cause even more friction and continue to remain ignorant of the bridge laws.

I recall another incident where the revoker felt that by calling the director, he was being accused of cheating! Everyone has unintentionally revoked in their lives and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Just pay a penalty and move on.

The most difficult task for a director are those that require judgment and deciding what is considered “logical alternatives” and “unauthorized information (UI)”. Directors often delay the decision for some consultation and by comparing scores. If the violating pair eventually reach a very inferior contract, it is unlikely that the UI was utilised by partner.

Another common infraction is the tendency to make a general claim while a trump is still out. Sometimes the opponents tell declarer to “play on” – this is both absurd and illegal. By saying that, the declarer now realises that something is not right and plays accordingly. Sometimes the defender reveals the un-drawn trump and the claimant will say that it was his obvious intention to draw out the last trump. The correct procedure is just to reject the claim and call the director. What the claimant fails to realise is that if you don’t specify that you are going to draw the last trump, the director, based on the law, has to assume that the declarer has forgotten about it. He will have to award a trump trick to the opponent if there is any non-irrational way for the claimant to lose that trick. All the sad stories by the claimant are totally worthless!

(I hope this will become an occasional feature in THE GRANDSLAM. Pls send me your encounters for publication -- ed)

11. World Team Championships, Sao Paulo, Brazil – Sept 2009

Black coffee was definitely not needed to keep several diehard bridge fanatics on the edge of their computer seats. The live card by card VU Graphs backed by knowledgeable commentary spanned from 10pm to 3am for more than a week.

Italy

’s big early lead quickly whittled away as the marathon 128-board finals came to an end with USA2 coasting to a comfortable 285-249 victory. What a team of legends! Bob Hamman, Zia Mahmood, Jeff Meckstroth, Eric Rodwell, Nick Nickell and Ralph Katz. Credit must also go to

Italy

’s Antonio Sementa, Giorgio Duboin, Fulvio Fantoni, Claudio Nunes, Lorenzo Lauria and Alfredo Versace for their solid performance for so many years.

I cannot help but wonder what would have happened if Italy had their Blue Team of the 60s/70s -- Giorgio Belladonna Walter Avarelli, Benito Garozzo Pietro Forquet and Camillo Pabis Ticci, Massimo D'Alelio -- matching up with USA2. Alas, only in my dreams!

In the Ladies Venice Cup, Asia finally took the title when

China

beat USA1 220 – 148.

In the D'Orsi Seniors Bowl, England beat Poland 187-164 while

Indonesia

beat USA2 125-77 for 3^rd place. Seeing how well Indonesia did, this could potentially be another niche for Singapore to make a mark on the world stage like what our Youth team recently did.

12. Puzzle (Difficult): 7S NS or 1S EW (see 25 below for answer)

Can you create a hand where NS can make 7S yet if EW were declaring; they would make 1S against best defense from everybody (bidding not required)? Sounds impossible? Well get your grey cells energized and crack this toughie. (Send this to your “know-it-all” bridge friends without the answer and drive them crazy! - ed)

^BR_OK^EN B^RI_DG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

All Medical-Bridge Jokes below

13. Never Mind

The doctor was checking up on three elderly bridge players who had head injuries from a car accident.

Serene inquired "Doctor, Will I still be able to play bridge?"

The Doctor asked "How many high card points in a deck of cards?"

"60!" the lady replied.

Worried, the doctor turned to Wayne "How about you? How many high card points in a deck of cards? “

"Uh, Wednesday!" he shouted.

Even more concerned, the doctor motioned to the other lady. "Well, what do you say, madam? How many high card points in a deck of cards?"

"Forty!" Sheryl replied.

"Excellent!" the doctor exclaimed. "How did you get that?"

"Oh, it's pretty simple," she explained. "You just subtract the 60 from Wednesday!"

(See 24 below for an original twist on this joke…ed)

14. Gene Splicing

What do you get when you cross my partner with an ape?
No change occurs. (My sincerest apologies to the ape ... ed)

15. I Walk the Line

“There is a fine line between wanting to play bridge every day and mental illness.”

16. Overloaded Bridge

While a physician was examining a new patient's ruddy complexion and blood pressure, the patient said, "I already know I have very high blood pressure, Doc."

"Does it come from your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.

"Neither," Wayne replied. "It's from my bridge partner’

17. End Play

Sheryl accompanied Wayne, her bridge partner, to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called Sheryl into his office alone. ”Wayne is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, he will surely die. Never point out any mistake he makes. Be pleasant at all times. Don't burden him with conventions and bidding systems. Always give him a hug when he feels down. And never discuss the hands. If you can do this for the next few months, I think Wayne will regain his health completely."

On the way home, Wayne asked Sheryl, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied

18. Deafening Silence

Wayne was talking to a doctor about his bridge partner "Doctor, I think my bridge partner is deaf because she never hears my bid and I always have to repeat things."

"Well," the doctor replied, "The next time you play bridge, bid normally. If she doesn't reply, say it louder and louder. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

Sure enough, the next time they played Rubber Bridge, he does exactly as instructed. He starts off saying “One Spade”. He hears no response. He says it louder “ONE SPADE”. Still no reply. And again “ONE SPADE”! He gets fed up and screams at the top of his voice “SHERYL! I’M BIDDING ONE SPADE”!

Sheryl picks up a pen and writes down "For the fourth time, One No Trump"

19. Running Hot and Cold

Sheryl: Can't play bridge tonight. I have a really bad cold"

Wayne: Try drinking a big glass of fresh orange juice after a hot bath.

Sheryl: uh ... Ok ... I'll try anything

…..the next day…

Wayne: Hi Sheryl … Well, did it help?

Sheryl: How should I know? I haven't even finished drinking the bath yet!"

20. Running Wild

Wayne “Doctor, my memory is failing and I cannot remember the cards when I play Bridge.”

Doctor “If you want to improve your memory and your concentration, you need to get some exercise. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind. Run 10 kilometers a day.”

Two weeks later, Wayne calls the doctor.

Doctor "Have you done what I told you?”

Wayne “Yes doc, I’ve followed your instruction exactly.”

Doctor “So has your memory and concentration improved since 2 week ago?"

Wayne “I don't know, I'm 140 kilometers away from my Bridge Club"

21. Daffy-nit-shuns: Amnesia Double

Amnesia Double: When you make a lead directing double when you are going to be on the opening lead

22. Home Sweet Home

Wayne “I get a really bad headache after a long bridge tournament”.

Joe “Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away."

… The next day …

Joe "Did you do what I told you to do?"

Wayne "Sure did and it works! By the way, you have a nice house!"

23. Car-toons

Bridge partners are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the available ones are handicapped.

24. Never Mind (from 13 above) – a new twist

Sheryl subtracted 60 from Wednesday to get 40. The numerical equivalent of Wednesday is 23+5+4+14+5+4+1+25=100. So there!

25. Puzzle Answer: 7S NS or 1S EW (from 12 above)

S -

H A K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3

D 2

C -

S J 10 9 S 6 5 4 3 2

H - H – H -

D - D A K Q J 10 9 8

C K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 C 3

S A K Q 8 7

H 2

D 7 6 5 4 3

C A 2

The above is an example of a hand where S makes 7S if he declares and W makes (at least) 1S if he is declarer!

Any lead by W is won by South who draws trumps and runs Hearts for 13 tricks.

When W is declarer and N on the lead, he cannot enter S’s hand. N’s best lead is D2. E wins and runs 7 diamonds for the contract. If S mistakenly ruff the 6^th (or 7^th) diamond low or high, S can only take four trumps + AC giving the opponents an overtrick because of an overuff or trump promotion and/or establishing dummy’s 5^th trump. On a H lead, EW always make 8 tricks using the same methodology after the initial heart ruff in dummy.

Moral of the story: Distribution beats Points but Luck beats all.

26. JQK till you Drop

Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Editor

October 1, 2009, zaris@singnet.com.sg

The Grandslam #56 Aug/Sep 09

2009-08-02T02:16:00.003+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
August/September 09 ISSUE #56

1. Message from the Out-Going Convenor – Zain Moledina
Shamim was elected Convenor at our AGM 10 days ago and this will be my last ramble. I will humbly avoid usurping her convenorship by not covering issues, future plans, strategy or even anything to do with bridge! Rather I will put on my editor’s hat and shamelessly pat myself on the back on this newsletter..
As I type it out every 2 months, foremost on my mind is integrity. Is the data and information in the articles accurate? Are the names spelt correctly? Are the opinions balanced and fair?
Timeliness is another aspect of integrity. Readers expect to see it on time on the 1st of even numbered months. Over the past decade; this newsletter has never been more than 1 day late. Early yes, late no.
Integrity also means that personal viewpoints, biases and prejudices – especially religious and political comments, quotes and articles -- are kept to an absolute essential minimum. The last thing I want is to be accused of a hidden agenda. And how do I deal with other groups if they ask for equal time and coverage to present their side?
“With a trivial newsletter with a low circulation, why do you even bother with all this.” you say?
This is a fair question. Unfortunately, if you have to ask, no answer will be satisfactory.

2. SRC Bridge Section 10th AGM – July 19th 12pm to 2pm
Quorum was easily met and the AGM was quickly underway after a light lunch. Current membership stands at 54. Outgoing Convenor Zain Moledina sporting his shiny new bald look, said that the section’s achievements during the 2008/09 term have been the best ever for SRC. Details have been well publicized in our GRANDSLAM newsletter and do not need repeating. He congratulated the outgoing committee and section members for their achievements as well as the SRC Management Committee for so many years of financial and moral support.
Treasurer N. W. Leong stated that the section’s funds remain excellent as per the financial summary report which was distributed to members.

Elections for the 2009/10 committee were then held and all positions were again uncontested. In-coming Convenor Shamim Moledina emphasised her deep passion for the game and how it has helped her memory and thinking process. However she expressed disappointment that experienced bridge members are not stepping forward to serve as Convenor or even join the Committee in spite of so much one-to-one persuasion. This will deprive the section of new ideas and vibrancy.
In the Q & A session, several members spoke on the serious space and venue problems which the Bridge Section is facing at SRC. They focused on the loss of the 1883 Lounge for this year’s Teams event in spite of a confirmed booking. Social Chairman Richard Yong assured the members that this type of problem will never happen again.

Committee Incoming 2009/10 Outgoing 2008/09
Convenor Shamim Moledina shamimole@hotmail.com Zain Moledina (+Editor)
V. Convenor Zain Moledina (+Editor) zainmol@gmail.com Shamim Moledina
Treasurer Ong Cheng Huat ongchenghuat@gmail.com N. W. Leong
Secretary Steven Chew steven2999@hotmail.com Ong Cheng Huat
SRC Bridge Section Coordinator Siti Mariam siti.pr@src.org.sg

3. SRC 9th Open Teams – The President’s Trophy -- July 19th 2.30pm to 10pm
Once again we had to close registration due to the overwhelming response. It was gratifying to note that 5 out the 10 teams were “SRC” teams with a several players with about a year’s experience and their first taste of open competition!
The occasion was graced by a record number of SRC Management Committee – Social Chairman Richard Yong, Sarbit Singh, Ronald Wee and Vice President Capt Koh. Thank you all for your kind words, encouragement and support.
Singapore's Bridge Ambassador, Ms Jane Choo ably directed the 10-team round robin format. By dinner time after Round 6 it was becoming clear that there was not going to be any upsets. In the final round, Rylai came from behind to nip X-dream by 2 VP. SRC’s General Manager Abdul Rashid and SRC President Dr. Johnny Goh proudly awarded the inaugural President's Trophy to the winners.
1st: Rylai : Capt Kelvin Ng, Chang Sui Sim, Lam Cheng Yen, Tan Wei Seng
2nd X-Dream: Capt Zain Moledina (SRC), Trevor Li, Mohammad Sadooghi-Alvandi, Nancy Chan
3rd Gap Gap Gap : Capt Marvin Lai, Colin Loy, Liw Meng Hong, Yong Kien Fong
Crossword Puzzle (see below) Prize: Colin Loy

4. Geylang West 4th Annual Pairs – June 28th Ever had the experience when the opponents bid 1H-2H which is passed all round to you? You balance with a 2S only to see them jump to 4H to make an ice-cold contract. Ouch! Well at least I made those sweet ladies smile. GWCC, as usual, turned on the charm to host a 12-table tournament, about half of whom were social players. Compliments goes to Convenor Lee Chin and her staff for a well organised event. 1st Ron Oh & Koh Sei Hian 2nd Tan Kit Peng & Maureen Mah 3rd Shamim & Zain Moledina (SRC) 4th Rahim Rahmat & Ron Savage

5. Beginner Course – Completed June 2009 The 8 lesson beginner course was successfully completed. Thanks to Instructor Carlton Parker and for all those extra lessons!

6. CSC In-house Handicap Pairs – 26th July Congratulations to Pat and N. W. Leong, who are also members of SRC, for winning the Chinese Swimming Club’s In-House 2009 Handicap Pairs.

7. Premier League 2009 – Final Results After winning the title last year, we had to be satisfied with 2nd Place this year. We were somewhat unfortunate to lose the services of one of our anchor pairs until the last game. Hopes of catching up were also dashed when 3rd place NUSS did not get a postponement match against CSC and had to forfeit their match 0-22. Nevertheless, kudos to team captain Prof Yu Chun Yee, Shamim Moledina (V. Capt), B. K. Tham, Carlton Parker, Chris Wong, Dorothy Wong, Murli Vassanmal, Richard Lim and Zain Moledina for another solid performance this year.

8. National Bridge League 2009 – Update SRC Dreamers League Results against:- Blue Moon Won 23-7 March 21st
Congenital Optimists Won 17-13 April 18th
X-Men Draw 15-15 April 19th
SICC (Red) Won 16-14 June 20th
Bozzetto (Rosso) Lost 12-18 July 5th

In the Knockout Cup section, we are in the Swiss Consolation pool.

9. Lowest IMP Scores in a Major Head to Head Teams Tournament In head to head team play, this infamous record goes to a surprisingly strong team of Eddie Kantar, Billy Eisenberg, Alan Sontag, Fred Hamilton and Jim Cayne. They lost the first 16 hands by 68 to 2 IMPs and were penalised another 10 IMPs for slow play for a score of -8 IMPs. There is now hope for the rest of us!

10. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from May 19th to July 28th DATE PAIRS FIRST SECOND THIRD .
May 19 11 JinMeng/Petrina Karol/Pheck Ping/Yu
May 26 13 BK/Richard Ping/Yu Alex/CCChen
Jun 2 11 RonS/Shawn Alan/BK Alex/CCChen
Jun 9 10 Leong/Pat David/Peng Huat Dot/RonS
Jun 16 7 Leong/Pat Ping/Yu HongChoon/ YuetWah
Jun 23 12 Koh/RonOh Shamim/Zain Carl/Rajesh
Jun 30 14 Yu/Zain Dot/Ron HongChoon/ChengHuat
July 7 14NS CCChen/Shamim Nancy/RonOh Thomas/Zain
14EW Karol/Pheck Ping/Yu Evelyn/Jane July
14 16 Alex/Firoz Ping/Yu BengTee/Teodor
July 21 12 BengTee/Teodor CCChen/Zain Dot/Ron
July 28 9 Yu/Chen Carl/Chris Karol/Pheck

11. Bridge and Dementia – A Study
“We play for blood,” says Ruth Cummins, 92, before taking a sip of Red Bull at a bridge game. “It’s what keeps us going,” adds Georgia Scott, 99. “It’s where our closest friends are.” In recent years scientists have become intensely interested in what could be called a super memory club. Less than 1 in 200 people aged 90 and over do not have even a trace of dementia. It is a group that, for the first time, is large enough to provide a glimpse into the lucid brain at the furthest reach of human life. Researchers are trying to tease apart what exactly is essential in preserving mental sharpness to the end. Laguna Woods Village is a sprawling retirement community of 20,000 south of Los Angeles. It is at the center of the world’s largest decades-long study of health and mental acuity in the elderly. Begun by the University of Southern California researchers in 1981, it has included more than 14,000 people aged over 65 out of which, more than 1,000 are aged 90 or older. Overall statistics show that for the one in 600 people who make it to 95, nearly 40 percent of the men and 60 percent of the women qualify for a diagnosis of dementia. Not so for the bridge oldies. Bridge requires a strong memory. Each player must read his or her partner’s strategy by closely following what is played. Good players remember every key card played and its significance. If you forget a critical card, or fall behind in understanding what is happening at the table, it can impact the result — and the social connection — dearly. “When a partner starts to slip, you can’t trust them,” said Julie Davis, 89, a regular player living in Laguna Woods Village. “It’s terrible to say it that way, and worse to watch it happen.” “These are the most successful oldies on earth, and they’re only just beginning to teach us what’s important in their genes, in their routines, in their lives,” said Dr. Claudia Kawas, a neurologist at the University of California, Irvine. “We think, for example, that it’s very important to use your brain, to keep challenging your mind, but all mental activities may not be equal. We’re seeing some evidence that a social component may be crucial.”

12. Court Cards
Court Cards were originally called Coat Cards and now the term Picture Cards is also being used. It has been claimed that Henry VIII was the model for all the kings. This is based on ancient English cards which had the same curling mustache and divided beard on all the kings. French cards developed along similar lines and there are documents to identify all the court cards.

Spades Hearts Diamonds Clubs
Kings David Charles Caesar Alexandra
Queen Pallas Judith Rachel Argine
Jack Hogier Lahire Hector Lancelot
All figures are real or mythical except Argine, which is an anagram of Regina (i.e. Queen). The court cards have evolved differently in other countries. In Hungary, the card characters are taken from Schiller's Wilhelm Tell which was set in Switzerland! However the cards were never used there! In the trappola pack from the Italy-Spain region, a Cavilier replaces the Queen. German versions also do not have Queens but have 2 types of Jacks - Ober and Unter. To complicate matters a bit more, some German packs incorporate back the Queen but do not eliminate the Jacks thus making 16 court cards in all! Well, at least the pack looks nicer!

13. Bridge Crossword Puzzle
Across Clues 1 A ____ (7) defense may be indicated when the contract has barely enough points to make
5 Type of Redouble (3)
7 In ko tournaments, any team that loses ___ ____ (2,3)
8 The National League used to be called _____ -Club (5)
9 Best score in match points (3)
10 The ______ (7) of Bridge can be traced to Whist and Biritch
12 The ______ (7) Bowl is the most coveted prize in Bridge
13 A Bridge team is a four- ____ (3) team
15 The Chinese used these for tabulating Bridge scores 50 years ago (5) 17 A popular opening lead against NT is from the _____ (5) sequence of a strong suit

© Created for SRC Bridge Section by Zain Moledina. All rights reserved

18 Properly bid contracts only go down ____ (3) to bad breaks
19 After the round, what an Individual movement chart may tell you to do? (2,5)

Down Clues
1 A Jack has one (5)
2 At 3NT, you may need one in every suit (7)
3 ________ (11) a new suit is usually forcing for one round
4 A common type of end play is the _______ (11) and throw-in
5 With an odd number, one pair has to ___-out (3) each round.
6 A player usually _____ (5) his cards by rank and suit
11 In match point, most prefer to risk an NT contract rather than play ___ a _____ (2,5) suit
12 A bridge _____ (5) usually has a slot for the traveler
14 Direction (5)
16 Top card (3)

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

14. Out-Going Committee Members – the Inside Take …by Zain

Convenor – Sits back and takes credit for successes. Wastes time writing newsletters and generating ideas which he claims is “brainwork”. Favourite line “What is the use of a bloody committee if I have to do real work?”

Vice Convenor – Works like crazy getting things organised and completed.
Favourite Line “Ideas are dirt cheap. Even cheaper if you don’t have to implement them.”

Treasure – Eagle eye for details and mistakes.
Favourite Line “Something funny going on here and I ain’t laughing,”

Secretary – Looks at issues from many angles.
Favourite Line “It’s not working out … let’s try it this way.”

15. Therefore I Am … not Many people would sooner die than think -- and usually they do," lamented British Philosopher Bertrand Russell,

16. Better than Nothing All Bridge Players should have at least a murderer in their family, so they will have someone to look up to.

17. Bitter Half I play bridge to be entertained. If I wanted to be stressed and abused, I might as well stay home with my wife.

18. Blown Bulb How many Bridge players do you need to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to tell him how he could have done it better.

19. Saving Grace Partners are extremely important. Who else to blame when you lose?

20. Heads He Win, Tails I Lose A happy partnership is a matter of give and take. You give in and your partner takes credit.

21. Why Women Love Bridge Players? (original) They sometimes do a Double before they Pass out.

22. That Certain Smile How can you tell if someone is a lousy bridge player? He has 5 smiling Kibitzers watching him play.

23. Daffy-nit-shuns - Hand Hog
Hand Hog : A player who thinks he is best qualified to be declarer. A standard tactic is to avoid showing minor suits and 4-card majors in order to quickly bid NT -- even outside the agreed range and shape.

24. How Bridge Laws Relate to Real Life (modified from Bridge Magazine)

You telephoned me when my husband was on the other line (Simultaneous Calls) but did not tell me what you wanted (Incomplete Call).
I said I would call back but before I could (Hesitation), you called me again (Call out of Rotation).
Of course I slam down the phone (Call out of Rotation – Rejected).
Then you sent me a letter (Play of Card Accepted) but I was shocked that you asked me out for just a Big Mac (Insufficient Bid).
Of course I refused (Insufficient Bid Rejected).
You then tried to offer me 2 Big Macs (Attempt to Correct with a Double).
Luckily you realised your mistake (Illegal Bid) and offered me an expensive dinner. (Corrected by Sufficient Bid)
During dinner you told me you were single (Deliberate Deception) but luckily I found out the truth from a mutual friend (Unauthorised Information).
Later you dared to ask me to go to your home (Inappropriate Communications) for some action (Illegal Play) and cheat on my husband (Violation of Partnership Agreement).
When I refused you (Claim Rejected) you asked me again (Requirement to Repeat Claim Statement).
You saw that I was hesitating (Extraneous Information from Partner).
You knew I was vulnerable (Scoring) and would give in (Acquiescence Occurs) and follow you (Wrong Lead Accepted).
However I changed my mind in time (Acquiescence in Claim Withdrawn).
Now you did not want to pay for the meal (Retraction of Card Played) and so I left (Play Ceases).

25. Bridge Over Troubled Waters (original)
My wife finally snapped last month and committed suicide. For years she has claimed that I'm a Bridge fanatic. She said all I ever read about is Bridge. All I ever talk about is Bridge. All I ever think about is Bridge. So why did she have to jump off a Bridge?

26. Almost Perfect
Isn't it a shame how 99% of bridge players give the whole game a bad name.

27. Mental Work-out
After learning bridge, the only exercise I get is letting my imagination run wild!

28. How’s That Again?
Another Beginner Bridge Course is starting next month. If you missed it the last time, this is your golden opportunity to miss it again.

29. Tee not Pee Bridge Success is more attitude than aptitude.

30. End Play Doctor: "If you play bridge, the stress will kill you by the time you are 60” Bridge Player: "But I am 60!" "Doctor: Have you paid my bill yet?"

31. Crossword Puzzle Answers
ACROSS
1. PASSIVE 5. SOS 7. IS OUT 8. INTER 9. TOP 10. ORIGINS 12. BERMUDA 13. MAN 15. ABACI 17. INNER 18. DUE 19. GO NORTH
DOWN
1. POINT 2. STOPPER 3. INTRODUCING 4. ELIMINATION 5. SIT 6. SORTS 11. IN MINOR 12. BOARD 14. NORTH 16. ACE

32. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com. To subscribe to this free newsletter, pls send email to address below.

Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Vice Convenor & Editor
August 1, 2009, zaris@singnet.com.sg

The Grandslam #55 June/July 09

2009-05-29T05:39:00.001+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
June/July 09 ISSUE #55
(Special Partner Jokes Edition)

This issue of THE GRANDSLAM was released 2 weeks early as yours truly will be out of town for a month.

1. Message from the Convenor – Zain Moledina
My term as your Convenor will end on 19th July. Phew! All my hair would have turned grey if it wasn’t for the fact that they decided to fall off first.
I believe it has been a term that has raised the bar. I will just mention the majors. We won both our Division and the Swiss Consolation in the National League and also lifted the Premier League Cup which is played between private clubs in Singapore. Although we rarely enter major pair events, we did well with a 2nd in the Singapore Imps Championship, 3rd in the Pesta Sukan Open Pairs and 3rd in the Easter Congress Mixed Pairs. With the recently adopted guidelines on sponsorship, we hope to participate more in future.
In THE GRANDSLAM’s JQK section, we often make fun of “partners”. But of course, we ourselves are “partners”. So as a parting (partnering?) shot, I like to pay tribute to a very special and underemphasized category of partners – non-SRC members. This being an SRC newsletter, we naturally highlight achievements of our members. However, these other individuals play a vital role by supporting our events, providing expertise and challenge and, of course, achieving great results partnering our members. Their contributions should never be marginalized. There are so many of them but during my term as Convenor, these 5 have stood out -- Prof C C Chen, Dr. Trevor Li, Caio Feilhaber, Zhang Ping and Ron Savage. Thank you for your contributions and hope one day you can join us.

2. Easter Congress Mixed Pairs – 10th April morning
Early riser and sole SRC representative Prof Yu managed to attain an excellent result in the above event at SCBA. Well Done!
1st Alan Sia & Kimiko Endo 69.6% 2nd Rajendra Khrishnan & Ayako Shimazaki 59.8%
3rd Zhang Ping & Prof Yu Chun Yee (SRC) 57.1%

3. Good Friday Special – 10th April afternoon
A relaxing afternoon event was disrupted by the loss of the movement charts. After a scramble to the internet, the game eventually started a half hour late. Fortunately all was forgotten as the players eventually dug into the fried fish and chicken curry dinner. PS: we found the charts.
1st Zhang Ping/Yu Chun Yee (SRC) 65.3% 2nd Thomas Wong/Zain Moledina (SRC) 61.1%
3rd Chew Ai Leng/Ronnie Oh 54.2%

4. National Bridge League 2009 – Update
SRC Dreamers League Results against:-
Blue Moon Won 23-7 March 21st
Congenital Optimists Won 17-13 April 18th
X-Men Draw 15-15 April 19th

Knockout Cup Results
1st Round Won NUSS (Red) 4th April
2nd Round Lost BTCC “C” 16th May
5. Premier League – Update
This year, we are unable to utilise 3 of our key players. We are currently a distant 2nd.
We have just one match to go and our results to date are:-
Siglap CC Won 17-13 March 29th
Singapore Island CC Won 21-9 April 9th
Serangoon Gardens CC Won 18-12 April 12th
National University of Sgp S Won 23-7 April 26th
Chinese Swimming Club Lost 16-14 May 8th
Keppel Club Won 25-1 May 10th

6. SRC Bridge Section 10th AGM – July 19th 12pm to 2pm
All Section members are invited to our Bridge Section’s 10th Annual General Meeting. Do join us for a buffet lunch, meet your bridge friends and vote for next year’s committee. You will be sent a personal invitation in mid June.

7. SRC 9th Open Teams – The President’s Trophy -- July 19th 2.30pm to 10pm
Don’t miss our Annual Open Teams! This event of the year uses a most exciting team format. 4 boards are played in each of the 9 rounds against every other team. The running score is displayed after every round. It is pure excitement! Invitation flyers will be sent out soon. Watch for it! Entries close at 10 teams.

8. Devil's Playground?
Cards have always been associated with gambling and even today, it takes an enlightened parent to allow his or her child to handle cards; even to learn an intellectual game like Bridge.
Throughout history cards have been called all sorts of names including Devil’s Picture Book or Devil's Tickets (one-way to hell, I presume). There have also been many attempts to ban cards. King John, the Parliament of Paris, the Provost of Paris and the Synod of Langres all tried to do so and succeeded to some extent. St. Bernardino went one step further by organising a card burning campaign!
The most interesting case was the Puritans who objected to the court cards because the "graven image" violated the 2nd Commandment. However a loophole allowed some to go ahead and substitute those face cards with inanimate objects and people went on playing merrily!
Fortunately (or is that unfortunately?), it is not uncommon to re-interpret holy books and the pendulum is perhaps starting to swing the other way. There is even a series of humorous bridge books by David Bird on monks playing bridge! Ruefully hideous, no doubt!

9. Lowest Scores – Major Board-a-Match Tournament
During a board-a-match Greater New York Tournament in 1975 comprising of 74 teams, one team played a round of 26 boards with 1 draw and 25 losses for a total score of just half a point!

10. An Incident that happened Playing with a Blind Player
In the last issue of THE GRANDSLAM, there was a short article on blind bridge players.
Karol Crouse sent in the following comment.
“I thought you might enjoy a funny that actually happened when I played against a blind player in Florida. He related a. story about asking the opponents to please call their own cards as they played them. The players broke up in laughter when his LHO made her opening lead innocently said "the singleton 5 of spades".

11. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from April 7th to May 26th
DATE PAIRS FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Apr 7 10 Pat/Leong=Zain/Theresa BengTee/Teodor=Jane/Evelyn=Alex/Peng Huat
Apr 14 8 Carl/Chris Zain/Chen Isabel/Soh Hong
Apr 21 10 Zain/Chen Dot/Hilda RonS/DavidO
Apr 28 10 BengTee/Teodor Ping/Yu PengHuat/Chen
May 5 14 BK/Richard Zain/Chen Ping/Yu
May 12 16 Zain/Chen Karol/Pheck AiLeng/Rana

12. Who's Who In Bridge - Corporate Moguls
Every bridge player knows that both Bill Gates and Warren Buffet play a mean game of bridge. With over $50 billion between them, mere billionaires like Malcolm Forbes and Lawrence Tisch of CBS would just be small fries. No point mentioning measly multi-millionaires as the list would be way too long.

13. Puzzle: Lowest HCP needed to Defeat all Small Slams (medium)
In the last issue’s puzzle, we saw that a specific hand with 35HCP was insufficient to defeat all small slams. Now for the opposite! What is the lowest HCP hand that is sure of defeating all Small Slams?

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)
14. Prone Position
There was an old man named Bill who played bridge every week with his partner Fred. His wife always commented on how unhappy he looked after the game. But one day he came home looking really happy.His wife asked, "What's the matter Bill? You always seem so miserable after bridge and today you are smiling"Bill said, "Well actually, something terrible did happen. Fred had a heart attack and died halfway through the match""Oh Dear “said his wife, rushing to comfort him, "that must have been terrible!""Not too bad" he said, "I still came in 3rd

15. No Kidding
How many bridge partner jokes are there?Just two, all the rest are true.

16. Contract not Contact Bridge
Bridge has proved that you can sit for hours in front of somebody without once making eye contact.

17. Unique Quality
One good partner is better than ten average ones.

18. Sticky Problem
They have invented this skin patch that will immediately cure depression. I tested it out during my Bridge session and it worked perfectly. All you need to do is to peel away the backing and stick it across your partner's mouth.
19. Deafening Silence
When a wise partner holds his tongue, he says more than then when he speaks.

20. Leapin’ Lizards
What's the difference between my partner and a trampoline?I have to take off my shoes before 1 jump on a trampoline.

21. Daffy-nit-shuns : Mixed Emotions
Mixed Emotions: Winning a Tournament with your Partner

22. SOS Redouble
Joe: “HELP, HELP MY BRIDGE PARTNER IS DROWNING”
Passer-by: “Is there something I can do?”
Joe: “Can you swim?”
Passer-by: “Sure”
Joe: “Uh… no thanks … HELP, HELP MY BRIDGE PARTNER IS DROWNING”

23. Right on Track
“I can’t believe they arrested me. It was an accident. I wasn’t driving fast. I did not see my partner crossing the road until it was too late. Of course everybody knows that not all accidents have skid marks”.

24. That Sinking Feeling
Joe: I hate my Partner
Sam: Why don’t you find another one?
Joe: No use. Changing partners is like changing cabins on the Titanic.

25. Nutting at All
What is the difference between my partner and an idiot in an asylum?
The asylum.

26. No Deal
What's the difference between my partner and a terrorist?You can sometimes reason with a terrorist.

27. How’s That Again?
If you cannot annoy your partner, there is little point in playing Bridge.

28. Moo-dy Blues
I could play bridge with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I’d rather play bridge with the cows until you come home. (Grouch Marx … sort of)

29. Tongue-Tied
The doctor says to the patient, "Please stick your tongue out and let me see”
The patient complies.
The doctor inspects the throat and says “Now do the same at the man who is waiting outside on your right”
"What will that do?" asks the patient.
The doctor says, "I'm mad at my bridge partner"

30. Carrying On
Playing Bridge with my partner is as much fun as moving a piano.

31. Problem Solving
What should you do when your partner is buried up to his neck in sand?
Get more sand.

32. Puzzle Answer: Lowest HCP to Defeat Small Slam
This 18-point hand (and its mirrors) will defeat all small slams.
S: J10987 H: QJ109 D: AK C: AK
In any trump contract, 2 winners are assured. In NT, only 4 top tricks are available to declarer before the carnage occurs. Easy isn’t it? Once you have seen the answer!

33. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com/. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com/
Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Section Convenor
May 17, 2009, zaris@singnet.com.sg

The Grandskam #54 April/May 2009

2009-04-02T14:39:00.002+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
Apr/May 09 ISSUE #54

1. Message from the Convenor – Zain Moledina
As Committee members of a mature bridge section, we are expected to build on our past – basically, more activities, more members and more achievements. The members’ survey conducted last year indicated that these should remain our key goals.
Our activities depend mainly on the drive and effort of our committee members. It is supported by our allocated budget and fund-raising efforts. Our membership size depends on holding regular courses and providing value through our activities. I believe we have a reasonable handle on these 2 attributes.
Our achievements depend on the quality of our players. This is the area we should now be focusing on. We need to increase this pool. We held an “advance course” 2 years ago with mixed results. We have just recently cut red tape, liberalized and made transparent our funding subsidy guidelines so as to give members more opportunities to hone their skills in external tournaments. But one avenue we have not seriously looked at is getting good bridge players to join SRC as ordinary or sporting members. Ours is a great family club with lots of facilities and low membership fees. Talk to your bridge friends. Our arms are wide open to welcome them.

2. Siglap CC CNY Ang Pow Special 1st Feb and Lo Hei Special 8th Feb
Siglap CC organised a double Lunar New Celebration with 2 consecutive weeks of food, fun and friendly socialising. Coinciding with the “double” concept, both games were won by David Chew and Adrian. SRC’s Zain Moledina also came in 2nd in both games – partnering Trevor Li in the “Ang Pow” and with SRC’s Yu Chun Yee in the “Lo Hei”.

3. GWCC CNY Special – Feb 6
Ever been to a tournament where you feel a little apprehensive when you get a top board? Well this is the norm at Geylang West CC with the sweetest ladies in town with their ever ready smiles. It was even more so at the Chinese New Year Lo Hei Special where their delicious contribution and “try my curry, please lah” coaxing made it impossible to stick to your New Year’s resolution.
Both our SRC pairs were in the money. 1st Michael & Randolph 65.7%, 2nd Carlton Parker (SRC) & Shamim Moledina (SRC) 64.3%, 3rd Ron Savage/Zain Moledina(SRC) 62.0%

4. New Bridge Venue – Kampong Kembangan Community Club
KKCC started operations on 26th Feb with 6 tables and some refreshment. The inaugural game was won by CC Seet and Chua Gang and Mr. Derek Maggs, secretary of the SCBA, was present with his family to grace the opening.. The activity is headed by Ron Savage. Welcome to the bridge fraternity and all the very best!
There will be 2 regular sessions a week. Monday evenings is for casual players while Thursday evening will cater for everybody. KKCC is about 200 meters from the Kembangan MRT station.

5. Support for SRC Section Members in Tournaments
Guidelines on the Selection, Sponsorship and Subsidy for bridge events have been approved by the Bridge Committee and distributed to all active SRC Bridge Section members. These clarify the section’s position and level of support on the various categories of tournaments.

6. Community Service – Batam Village Clothes Distribution – 11 Feb
All eyes were a-staring as Irene Tang, Shamim and Zain lugged 4 big suitcases packed full of clothes to the neighboring island of Batam in Indonesia. Over 500 pieces of clothing were kindly donated by New U2 store which is managed under the Singapore Council of Women’s Organizations. The trip and distribution was sponsored by the Bridge Section.
On arrival, we threw 2 bags into the trunk of a taxi and also used half the back seat to stack up the balance. This, plus the driver and the 3 of us, maxed the taxi to capacity. It was riding so low that even the smallest pothole caused the suspension to complain.
When we arrived at Tiban Kampong Lama, which had been recommended to us, we found it to be relatively affluent. After a discussion with the taxi driver, we decided to go to Kampong Seraya instead. We distributed 2 bags to residents whose dilapidated houses were literally dangling on a cliff! The remaining 2 bags were opened in a central location in the village. By now, the word had quickly got around and crowd was overwhelming. There was hoarding by a few individuals and the clothes had to be grabbed back from these people in order to ensure that latecomers also got something!

7. Malacca Bridge & Community Service -- 17th Feb
The bridge section leveraged off a private bridge trip to Malacca to do some community service. This time the recipients were about 20 refugee children from Timor Leste who were housed in the Infant Jesus Convent. Aside from the bridge section, the following individuals also contributed cash and kind – Maureen & Rosalind Lim, Ong Cheng Huat & Mui Siok, Tan Hong Choon & Yuet Wah, Steven & Alice Chew, Zain & Shamim Moledina.
The Peranakan food of Malacca is legendary and the historical sites were well within walking distance of the Equatorial Hotel. A name anagram game was played and also a pun-like quiz to unscramble the capital cities of the world. On the bridge front, a draw was held to match a newbie with an experienced bridge player. This game was won by Hong Choon/Shamim followed by Yuet Wah/Ping and Steven/Zain. An individual event was held the next day. Ping and Zain were tied for first followed by Hong Choon.

8. Beginner Class – 28th March for 8 weeks
ACBL accredited teacher, Carlton Parker kicked off this year’s class with 17 participants.

9. When the Director is called …
One of the roles of the director is to protect the rights of ALL players by objectively enforcing the laws of Bridge.
Yet, once in a while when the director is summoned for an infraction, the offending side may disapprove by making comments like “Why call the director as this is a friendly game?” or even “Why do you want to win so badly?” Both these comments are not only unfair but wrong as well.
The first comment implies that irregularities should be ignored in “friendly” games. So how will players learn the proper game and improve? An “anything goes” game unfairly penalizes the law-biding player and may easily cause tempers to flare up.
The second comment implies that there is something wrong about wanting to win and indirectly implies that the offender is not playing the game to win! So why shouldn’t the offender happily allow the director to be called so that he can be penalized and help himself to lose? Does there really exist a person whose objective in playing bridge is to lose?
Everyone makes mistakes through a lapse in concentration or ignorance of the rules. Ethical players respect the law, face the consequences without fuss … and move on.

10. National Bridge League – March 21st to Sept 26th
Last year we won our division and are now in Div 2. This year, the team members will be Zain Moledina (Capt), Prof Yu Chun Yee (V. Capt), Prof C C Chen, Dr Trevor Li, Shamim Moledina, Murli Vassanmal, Zhang Ping and Shawn Tham. In the opening round on March 21st at SCBA, SRC Dreamers beat Blue Moon 23-7.

11. Premier League – March 29th to June 21st
Last year we won the Premier League and will be defending our title this year. Our team members are Prof Yu Chun Yee (Capt), Shamim Moledina (V. Capt), Carlton Parker, Chris Wong, B K Tham, Richard Lim, Dorothy Wong, Murli Vassanmal and Zain Moledina.
In the opening round on March 29th, SRC beat Siglap 17-13.

12. Who's Who In Bridge - Authors
Who can forget James Bond rigging the villain’s bridge hand in Ian Fleming's novel Moonraker? Somerset Maugham injected several bridge situations into his novels as did Agatha Christie in her murder plots. Bridge was not yet invented when Charles Dickens was around but he did insert a Whist (the forerunner of bridge) situation as did C. S. Forester. Terry Quinn went one step further by writing "The Great Bridge Conspiracy" where bridge took centre stage. And Don Von Elsner created a bridge character called Jake Winkman in his series of novels!

13. The Blind leading the Sighted
Those of us who complain that it is difficult to remember the cards or visualize the distribution, here is some inspirational information.
There are players -- good ones -- who are totally blind! The cards are marked with Braille dots for identification. Sighted players call out verbally the cards which are played and those exposed in dummy. Many blind players have attained sufficient Masterpoints to reach Life Master level and many have won major tournaments against sighted pairs. So stop complaining!

14. Lowest Scores – Major Teams Tournament
The lowest score in a major team event occurred in 1957 in the Far East Championships held in Manila. On the 3rd set of 8 boards between Hong Kong and the Philippines, not a single IMP was scored! On every board the contract was the same and the same number of tricks was made!

15. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Feb 3rd to March 31st
DATE PAIRS FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Feb 3 14 PengHuat/CCLim Shamim/CCChen Zain/ThomasWong
Feb 10 14 Shamim/CCChen Nancy/RonOh Zain/Shawn
Feb 24 13 BK/Adelene AiLeng/Rana Zain/ThomasWong
Mar 3 11 Nancy/RonOh B K/Richard Shamim/CCChen
Mar 10 11 Zain/ThomasWong Leong/Pat Yu/CCChen=Dot/RonS
Mar 17 14 Zain/ThomasWong Yu/CCChen BK/Adelene
Mar 24 11 Dot/RonS Yu/CCChen Leong/Pat
Mar 31 13 Dot/RonS Nancy/RonOh Zain/CCChen

16. Ciao Caio
We like to wish ciao to Caio Feilhaber who is returning to Brazil in April. Caio was an ardent supporter of SRC and contributed to several great results partnering SRC players. He was also a team member of the winning 2008 SRC Dreamers in the National League.
17. Puzzle: Highest HCP Hand that cannot Defeat Small Slam (moderate)
In the last issue, we had the “James Bond Hand” which is the highest HCP hand that cannot defeat all grand slams. In this puzzle, you are required to find the highest HCP hand that still cannot defeat all Small Slams. (answer below)

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)
18. Bridging the World
In a recent public survey, it was found that …
In Italy, all Bridge Players are important.
In the US, only the successful Bridge Players are important.
In China, all Bridge Players are equally unimportant.
In Singapore, the survey was cancelled because nobody knew what a Bridge Player was.

19. Splish Splash
Declarers are like ducks. They look cool, calm and unruffled on the surface, but are paddling like crazy underneath.

20. Why Women Love Bridge Players? (original)
Bridge Players use a strong Club with Precision.

21. Bridge to Eternity
The devil appeared before a Bridge player and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you,” the devil said. "I'll make sure you win every tournament you enter. Your partners will love and worship you. Your opponents will fear and respect you and you will live to be a hundred. All I want in return is your wife's soul which will burn in hell for eternity.
The Bridge player thought for a moment. "Ok, I give up …What's the catch?"

22. Best of the Worst
Think of how bad your partner is.
Now for the scary part. As your partner was chosen at random, we can rate him as average. Now just imagine half of the partners in the world are worse than that!

23. Last Step
After all the hard work, confidence is final step to victory.

24. View from the Top
Bridge is “just a game” unless of course when you win.

25. Self Confidence
”Of course I talk to myself during bridge. I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

26. Circle of Life
”Bridge players are NOT out of shape. I’m in shape. Look! Round is a shape.”

27. Waking Sleeping Dogs
There is nothing wrong with giving advice to your Bridge partner that calm, logical reasoning won't aggravate.

28. Painful Entertainment
“Why should I learn bridge? It is against my philosophy. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.”

29. Sacker or Sucker?
The difference between a champ and a chump is u.

30. The Impossible Dream
A Partner who only gives advice when asked.

31. No Uno
The element of luck ensures that even the best bridge players do not always win. For example, under-bidders gain when the distribution is bad and over-bidders score on those hands where finesses always work.

32. How’s That Again?
“My idea of an agreeable partner is someone who always agrees with me.”

33. Just Desserts
“The only reason I play bridge is to punish my partner.”

34. Boy-boy started to Crawl Yesterday
A bridge player who talks about his bridge hands is more boring than a mother who talks about her children.

35. Pass the Dice
A bridge player is trained in the art of inexactitude.

36. Yum Yum
Bridge and potato chips are alike. You can never have enough of either.

37. Daffy-nit-shuns - Bridge
Bridge is a Contract Sport

35. Puzzle Answer: Highest HCP that cannot Defeat Small Slam
West’s 35 HCP are insufficient to defeat this 6S contract by S.
West’s powerhouse is S: AQ H: AKQ D: AKQJ C: AKQJ
North has S: KJxxxx H: xxxxxxx D/C: Void
South has S:xxxxx H: Void D/C : any 8 cards
Best lead is a minor which is trumped in dummy. A Heart is ruffed followed by a trump. Whether W wins or not doesn’t matter. His best chance is to win the SA and play the SQ. But this is not enough to stop 2 more H ruffs to establish the suit for 12 tricks. (PS. W’s 6NT is cold)

36. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com
Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Section Convenor
April 1, 2009, zaris@singnet.com.sg

THE GRANDSLAM #53 Feb/Mar 09

2009-02-01T22:08:00.006+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
Feb/Mar 09 ISSUE #53

1. Message from the Convenor – Zain Moledina
The SRC Bridge Section is among the most active in Singapore. In a typical year, we organise 2 major and about 10 “special” tournaments plus an overseas bridge escapade. In addition, we teach 2 beginner courses, participate and sponsor over 20 external events including the 2 leagues, publish 6 bi-monthly newsletters, hold weekly bridge sessions, maintain an on-line archive and even get involved in community service activities. There is also a range of “ad-hoc” stuff like organising special classes, upgrading the skills of our members, operating a library, doing members’ survey with follow up actions and much more. So why are we so active? The answer is no secret. Basically, it is funding and people.

We have had a long and close relationship with the SRC Management Committee who understands and endorses the benefits of providing a mental sport and recreation alternative to club members. As a result, in addition to our section’s fund-raising activities, we get the bulk of our monetary support from SRC. Our successes in tournaments reinforce the long tradition of sporting excellence at SRC which in turn, justifies the funds and support we get.

The second factor – people – seems obvious enough and I don’t really need to emphasize on our dedicated hard-working committee and members. However, I do want to mention a key point – we frequently change our Convenors. This is quite rare among clubs in Singapore. By changing convenors, we automatically ensure that the section remains transparent and fresh ideas come into play. In our 9 years of existence, we have had 5 different Convenors. Instead of giving reasons as to why they should remain Convenors, they have actively identified, trained and encouraged their own replacement. How refreshing! (no pun intended)

2. SRC’s First ACBL Accredited Bridge Teacher – Carlton Parker
Congratulations to Carlton Parker for passing the ACBL Teacher Accreditation Program during his trip to the US earlier this year! (He is also an accredited tournament director)
His 10-hour course focused on successful teaching techniques using the ACBL Bridge Series materials to demonstrate them. The course included hands-on experience and also addressed the business side of teaching bridge. The material was from Eddie Kantar, Pat Harrington, Audrey Grant, Barbara Seagram and Roberta Salob. In addition, a short segment had been provided to show teachers how to make a lesson plan using material that did not come with a teacher’s manual. Participant also had to pass a written examination at the end of the course.

3. Beginner Course – Saturdays 3-6pm 28th Mar to 16th May
Our very own ACBL Accredited Teacher, Carlton Parker (see above), has kindly consented to teach our upcoming Beginner Course. Spanning 8 weeks, it will incorporate the latest 2008 teaching techniques and methodology.
This top quality course defies common sense with its low price tag. Bridge Section Members can get a refresher by repeating the course for just $20+ which is less than $1 per hour of instruction! For SRC Members, the price is $45+ and comes with a year’s membership to the Bridge Section. The rate for Guests is $80+ which is the best value in town.
Contact Siti at siti.pr@src.org.sg or Shamim zaris@singnet.com.sg for info and registration.
4. Rules Governing Guests Playing Bridge at SRC
We sincerely welcome non-SRC members to participate at our weekly Tuesday games and other matches. This exposure is beneficial to our members as it allows us to be tested against stronger and more varied opponents. This also expands our social interaction within the bridge fraternity. Nevertheless, guests should realise that they are here to play bridge and perhaps to supplement that with F & B. They are, however, not allowed to make use of other club facilities or loiter around without the presence of SRC members. In addition, they are to behave in a polite and friendly manner. The bridge committee will not hesitate to take action against violators.

5. Team (Imps) vs Pair (Matchpoint) Play Strategy … by Prof Yu Chun Yee
At a recent pairs tournament, both matchpoint and Imps scoring methodology were used simultaneously. This created some interesting and diverging results which illustrated a significant difference in the 2 scoring systems and hence the strategy and mentality of the players.
In Teams, declarer's priority is to ensure the safety of the contract, particularly in Game and Slam. Conversely, the defenders, by hook or by crook, have to defeat the contract regardless of the overtricks they may end up giving away to the declarer.
In Pairs, a declarer has to be mindful of the “par” contract which will then govern his game plan. His focus is to score more points than average by going with those odds which will gain an extra trick even though it might risk the contract. A defender must avoid giving away a cheap trick. A good chance to kill an overtrick is preferable to a limited chance of beating the contract.
The subject of bidding, of course, is another story altogether.

6. Know the Law – Card Played
When is a (legal) card considered played? The declarer must play his card if it is face up and close to the table. If he specifies or touches a card in dummy (not rearranging or accidental), it is considered played. For a defender, it is even stricter. If it is possible for his partner to see the card, it must be played it even if his partner may not have seen it! Bottom line – think before you play.

7. SRC Hari Raya Haji Holiday Special – 8th December
We did not sacrifice any goats but still got a full house of 14 pairs and good results. As it was an afternoon game, there was ample time for a leisurely 27 boards followed by a simple dinner.
1st Dr Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) 63.3% 2nd David Ong & Capt. Ho 59.3%
3rd Caio Feilhaber & Murli Vassanmal (SRC) 58.6%

8. SICC Xmas Pairs – 21st December
Caroling and Christmas food accompanied this annual event at the Singapore Island Country Club. It was a great result by the sole SRC pair in a field of 19. Shamim Moledina (SRC) repeated her 2nd position from last year, this time with regular partner Murli Vassanmal (SRC). The event was won by Anu Sehgal & Shyamala Kanagasundram with 57.3% narrowly edging their 56.5%.

9. CSC Year End “Pot Luck” Special – 28th December
Do you know that there is a Howell Movement for 13 tables? Yes it is true. 25 pairs had to get up after every 2 boards and look for their next table! Not a pleasant sight but at least everyone got some exercise after sampling huge variety of great food and desserts they had earlier contributed and consumed. Congrats to Pat and Leong for their solid performance.
1st Koon Wah & Lay Choo 2nd Purnawan & Tan Jin Meng
3rd Pat Leong & NW Leong (SRC) 4th Henry Eng & Zain Moledina (SRC)
10. SRC Christmas Holiday Game – 25th Decenber
There was no turkey as we decided to spare their lives after their successful escape from the Thanksgiving table a few weeks earlier. Also no ham -- who needs more lard, right? And no caroling either -- we sing terribly anyway, But then again, with our modest dinner, we had the really important things – good friends, good cheer and 27 hands of good bridge. Even without serving dessert, we still managed to get some icing by being represented in all 3 positions.
1st Zain Moledina (SRC)/Henry Eng 69.3% 2nd Prof Yu Chun Yee (SRC)/Zhang Ping 62.0% 3rd Dorothy Wong (SRC) & Ron Savage tied with Molly Wee & Tan Soh Hong 53.7%

11. SRC New Year Special – 1st January
26 blurry-eyed bridge players somehow managed to shake off the hangover of the night before and participate in the SRC's New Year Bridge Special. With the help of a lot of black coffee, they started the New Year the way they loved best -- playing bridge.
Concentrating on the cards was difficult enough and the non-stop string of 26 games did not make matters any easier! Fortunately everyone was in high spirits (no! not the liquor, the mood!). The tournament went off smoothly in a jovial mood with lots of laughter in between.
While waiting for the scores to be tabulated, everyone enjoyed the excellent fried fish and chicken curry except, of course, the fish and the chicken themselves.
SRC represented pairs put in a solid performance taking 3 of the top 5 places.
1st Dr Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) 61.7% 2nd Seah Beng Tee & Teodor Izmirev58.3%
3rd Firoz Khimji/David Ong 55.8% 4th Murli Vassanmal/Shamim Moledina (SRC) 55.0%
5th Leong N W & Pat Leong (SRC) 53.8%

12. SRC Lunar New Year Special – January 27th
18 Bridge players took a break from their busy schedule to join in the merriment of SRC’s Lunar New Year Special with their bridge friends. Special mention must go to Chris Wong who wore a dragon-embroidered traditional silk shirt that totally out-classed all others at the function. His blush was actually redder than his shirt as he became the center of attraction for all the ladies!
Although the Bridge Pairs were initially badly outnumbered by the Mandarin Oranges Pairs, by the time dinner ended, the situation was reversed. Then they were off once again to continue their celebrations with relatives and friends.
1st Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) 64.6% 2nd Seah Beng Tee & Teodor Izmirev 61.1% 3rd Alex Wong & C C Lim 57.9% 4th Shamim Moledina & Murli Vassanmal (SRC) 57.1%

13. SRC “Bye Bye Bibik” Individual Special – January 31st
It was a sad day for the bridge fraternity as we bade farewell to the best bridge room we ever had at SRC. Situated on the highest level, it had a fantastic view of the Esplanade, the Colonial Buildings, the Sea and the Singapore City Skyline. Wow! On the practical side, the huge space easily catered for our increased bridge attendance. With the karaoke rooms well beyond earshot, the quietude allowed deep concentration that is so crucial in competitive bridge. As the Bibik and the rest of the 3rd floor give way to the new residential rooms by February, we will once again return to the Tessensohn Room on the 2nd floor.
Section members played an individual game o 22 boards followed by a Lo Hei Dinner.
1.Ron Savage 70.5% 2.Adelene de Roza 63.6% 3.Zain Moledina 58.0% Top Novice:Hilda Tan

14. Puzzle : The James Bond Hand (medium difficulty)
What is the highest HCP hand you can hold and still not defeat a Grandslam? (answer at bottom)

15. Upcoming Events – National League & Premier League
We will be defending our title this year in the Premier League. Team members are Prof Yu (Capt), Shamim (V, Capt), Murli, Carlton, Chris, BK, Richard and Zain.
In the National League (previously called Inter-club), the SRC Dreamers will be playing in the 2nd Division since we won the 3rd Division last year. Team members are Zain (Capt), Prof Yu (V Capt), Prof Chen, Dr Trevor Li, Shamim, Murli, Ping and Shawn.

16. Three Things You Don’t Know About Cards.
1. Cards are not made with a single sheet but with 2 pieces glued together with black opaque glue. This is to ensure that nobody can see through the backs of the cards.
2. If you look at the edge through a microscope, you will see that the 2 sheets have been pressed into a V-shaped knife edge. This is to facilitate shuffling and reduce fraying.
3. The background colour is not pure white but has a faint blue-green tint. This is to reduce glare and therefore, eyestrain.
The next time you are the dummy, take a good look and admire the technology that have gone into the design of these humble-looking pieces of paper.

17. Who's Who In Bridge - Politicians
Most people are aware that former Chinese Premier Deng Xiao Ping and American President Dwight Eisenhower both played a strong game of bridge. The profile of important people in their cabinet shows a clear bias towards fellow bridge players! For those who play Bridge, this is not all that surprising as everybody know that the player's personality shows through during the game. For example, can he keep cool under pressure and make a tough contract? Is he a team player or does he quickly bid No Trumps to become the declarer as often as possible? Is he abusive or patronizing towards his partner and opponents?
There are regular tournaments that pit the US Congress against the corporate world. And the annual House of Commons versus the House of Lords in Britain. This is just the tip of the iceberg and the list goes on and on in many other countries. Yup, in fact so many politicians play bridge that it gives bridge a bad name...

18. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Dec 2nd to Jan 20th
DATE PAIRS FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Dec 2 9 Nancy/RonOh Dot/RonS BK/Richard
Dec 9 16* Zain/Caio Beng Tee/Teodor Evelyn/Jane
Dec 16 13 Dot/RonS BK/Richard Zain/Caio
Dec 23 14 Dot/RonS Shamim/Beng Tee Pat/Leong
Dec 30 14 Yu/Ping Shamim/Chen Dot/Ron
Jan 6 12 Thomas/Zain RonOh/Nancy Ping/Yu
Jan 13 12 Zain/Shawn Shamim/Chen Nancy/Ron Oh
Jan 20 14 Rana/Ai Leng Trevor/Zain Nancy/Ron Oh
*A record of 16 pairs! Thanks for the wonderful support! Also the first time an arrowswitch skip Mitchell Movement was used at our regular session.

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)
19. Ahhhhh……
The only reason I prefer Bridge to the movies is that the toilets are usually much closer.
20. A Hell of a Time
A Singaporean bridge player dies and goes to hell. While down there the Devil notices that he is not suffering like the rest. He checks the gauges and sees that it's 40 degrees Celsius and about 80% humidity. So the Devil goes over and asks why he's so happy. He says, "I like it here, the temperature is just like Singapore."The Devil isn't happy with the answer. He goes over and turns up the temperature to 45 degrees and the humidity to 90 percent.But the Devil again finds him standing around just as happy as can be. The Devil again quizzes him again. "This is even better; it's like a day at the beach in Singapore."The Devil, now upset, decides to really make the Singaporean suffer, so he turns the heat up to 55 degrees and the humidity to 100 percent.Once again, he goes looking for the guy, and finds him even happier than before! He turns to the Devil and says, "This is great, I am getting a free sauna."The Devil goes back to the thermostat and says, "I have been using the wrong strategy. I'll get this guy this time" He turns the temperature down to minus 10 degrees and sets the weather control to SNOW. "Let’s see what he has to say about THIS."A little while later, the Devil finds the guy -- only NOW he's jumping up and down for joy and yelling, "Hell has frozen over! Singapore has won the Bermuda Bowl"
21. Heading UpSam: Notice any improvement since last year?Partner: You combed your hair, didn't you?

22. Goldwater Rule
A suggestion from Tournament Director Harry Goldwater that barring obvious consequences, a lead out of turn should generally be accepted. The rationale being that if a player does not know whose lead it is probably does not know the right lead either!

23. Mind over Madder
Bridge is the last refuge of brain damaged intellectuals.

24. How’s That Again?
I tried to learn Bridge but it was too difficult, so I grew underarm hair instead.

25. 7-Up
I am taking a beginner Bridge class. Today’s lesson was on bidding. I have no idea what the instructor was saying but he praised me for being able to count to seven.

26. No Kidding
A bridge player who talks about how he played his hands is worse than a mother who talks about her kids.

27. Modern Times
I gave my young nephew a pack of cards; He spent 5 minutes looking for the battery slot.

28. Alternate Strategy
I have bought a couple of Bridge Books but I find them impossible to understand. The only useful thing I did with them is when I killed an irritating fly.

29. Long and Winding Bridge
A champion Bridge player is an amateur who did not quit.

30. How’s That Again?
If you cannot annoy somebody, there is little point in playing Bridge.

31. Wake-up Call
What is hard and pink in the morning?
The Financial Times Bridge column.

32. Insufficient Bid
The biggest problem with buying a pack of bridge cards is that brains are not included.

33.Two Singletons
You should try everything once, except bridge and suicide.

34. How’s That Again?
There is only one thing worse than playing bridge -- and that is not playing bridge.

35. No I to Eye
Bridge has proved that you can sit for hours in front of somebody without once making eye contact.

36. Second OpinionSam: My doctor says I can't play BridgePartner: Oh, he has partnered you too, huh?

37. Puzzle : The James Bond Hand - Answers
What would you do if your vulnerable opponents bid 7C and you (as West) are holding a never-in-a-lifetime 33-pointer -- S:AKQJ H:AKQJ D:AKQ C:KJ? Surely you will put on your widest Cheshire Cat smile and Double. After Declarer Redoubles, you will slowly see your hand and your smile totally evaporate.
This is because you are holding a (slightly modified) rigged hand originally used to trick the Duke of Cumberland and later to fleece Drax, a James Bond's villain, out of 15,000 pounds in Ian Fleming's novel “Moonraker”.
Dummy North held S:Void H:Void D:98765432 C:AQ1098 and Declarer S: 10987 H:6543 D: Void C: 765432. A trump finesse with 3 diamond ruffs sets up the diamonds for 13 tricks... ouch!
The bidding? In the book, JB just opens 007C which clearly smells of fraud. In the modern context, perhaps W opens a strong 2C, N overcalls with an unusual NT and finally a 7C “sacrifice”. Of course, Unusual NT was not invented yet in 1955 when the novel was written.

38. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com/. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com/
Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Section Convenor
February 1, 2009, zaris@singnet.com.sg

The Grandslam #52 Dec 08/Jan 09

2008-12-04T23:23:00.003+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
Dec 08/Jan 09 ISSUE #52

1. Message from the Convenor – Zain Moledina
After a lapse of 3 years, we finally rejoined the SCBA 2008 Inter-Club League. We almost didn’t as we wanted to concentrate on the Premier League which was going on at the time. We entered with an objective to get promoted, namely, 2nd Place. I am extremely pleased to report that our team, after winning the Premier League continued their streak with a double. As icing on the cake, we also won the Swiss Consolation in the Knockout Cup! Our team name “Dreamers” says it all. Because only in our dreams did we dare to imagine such results.

A big thank you to those who took the time to submit the survey forms. Cheng Huat and I have read every one. While the novices put a lot of emphasis on training and social bridge, our experienced players focused on tournaments and successes, No surprise here. This does not reflect a shift in the profiles of our members; rather it is a natural evolution that occurs as a player gets better. It was also heartening to see that even novices felt that successes were important to the section and to SRC. Based on these results, it is clear that no significant changes are required to the way we are running the section. One thing that is very apparent is that we need to keep helping our new members and build their confidence. Experienced players please take note. It is vital that we have a large base of improving players where we can draw our future teams.

2. SCBA Inter-Club League April 12th to 25th Oct 2008 – Final Results
When we pulled ahead in the 2008 Premier League, we decided to also enter the Singapore Contract Bridge Association's Inter-Club League and Knockout Cup.
As a new team, we were put into the 3rd Division as per the rules of the contest. Our dreams of a comfortable time were shattered when 1st Division BTCC-A split into BTCC-C who also had to join our division. This spiced up the division and resulted in a 2-horse race.
We had to play some of the stronger teams in the first half and fell into second place. Towards the latter half of the tournament, our efforts to catch up were foiled as 2 school teams gave us walkovers and with it, our chance to take the badly needed full points from them. However, before the last match, these same rules turned in our favour. These same teams also gave walkovers to other teams and were therefore disqualified and everybody’s scores against them were erased. With equity restored and the playing field level once again, we suddenly had a narrow 3VP lead! We made no error on the final match as we took the full 25 points to seal the win.
vs NUS-C Won 18 – 12 vs NTU-B Won 25 - 3
vs BTCC-B Won 25 – 0 vs NUSS Blue Won 21 – 9
vs BTCC-C Lost 14 – 16 vs Hwa Chong Institution (Disqualified)
vs Raffles JC Won 22-8 vs St. Andrews JC (Disqualified)
vs Japan Club Won 25-5

Final placing : 1st SRC Dreamers 150VP
2nd BTCC-C 147VP 3rd NUSS Blue 120VP
Div 1 Winners: Friends of Sheep Div 2 Winners: Saniva

The Inter-Club League Cup was won by the Bridge Bears. However, we managed to top the Swiss Consolation in a field of 22. It was a great job by the team who recovered from a shaky start to end with 4 straight victories. A quote from Dr. Wong Choo Wai, President of the SCBA “In particular, SRC Dreamers (from 3rd Division, but will likely be promoted) did extremely well to overcome opponents from the 1st and 2nd Divisions to win the Swiss Consolations!”

vs BTCC-B (Div 3) Won 78 -49 IMPs vs Bozzetto (Azzurro) (Div 1) Lost 35-47
vs SICC (Red) (Div 2) Lost 27-86 IMPs vs Japan Club (Div 3) Won 24-6 VP
vs BTCC C (Div 3) Won 19-11 VP vs SCBA B (Div 1) Won 20-10 VP
vs D’Rakes (Div 2) Won 16-14 VP
Final Ranking Swiss Consolation: 1st SRC Dreamers 115 VP 2nd D’Rakes 111 VP
3rd SCBA B 102 VP 3rd BTCC “C” 102 VP
A point to note is that we played and won against all the runners-ups making the journey to the top all the more challenging.
The team members are Zain Moledina (Captain), Prof Yu Chun Yee (Vice Captain). Prof C C Chen, Caio Feilhaber, Shawn Tham, Murli Vassanmal, Shamim Moledina, Zhang Ping, N. W. Leong & Pat Leong.. Well done indeed!

A celebration game was held on Sunday 26th Oct at the Bibik to commemorate the victory. It was a light-hearted individual event that was won by Zhang Ping followed by Greg Basmadjian and Ron Savage.

3. SRC 2008 9th Open Pairs – 23rd November
Our premier pair event of the year for the Moledina Challenge Trophy started off with registration at 2pm. President Johnny Goh graced the event and said a few welcoming words and the relevance of bridge in our aging population.
While some worked feverously against the clock to finish the Bridge Crossword Puzzle (see below), others headed for the snacks.
The grueling 17-round event under the able directorship of Mr. Derrick Heng and Scorer Chum Chan Fai went off without a hitch. An excellent dinner was served after round 13.
The event was won by Sui Sim and Trevor followed by Terje and Ze Ying. SRC represented pairs took the next 3 positions. Congratulations to all.

1st Dr. Trevor Li & S S Chang 65.0%
2nd Lie Terje & Lam Ze Ying 63.1%
3rd Prof Yu Chun Yee (SRC) & Zhang Ping 56.9%
4th Carl Parker (SRC) & Chris Wong (SRC) 54.9%
5th Shamim & Zain Moledina (SRC) 53.6%

4. Serangoon Gardens Country Club President’s Cup -- 2nd November
It was a friendly affair with old friends making contact and catching up on changes during the year. There was a big contingent from SRC and the players did not disappoint. Last year’s runners-up Shamim Moledina, repeated the position again this year with Prof Yu Chun Yee with 64.3% while Zain Moledina and Trevor Li took 3rd. Carlton Parker and Chris Wong were close behind at 5th with Richard Lim and Molly Wee had a very respectable 7th with 55.7%

5. Did You Know?
Some of the new interest in bridge can be traced to a study published in the June 2003 Issue of The New England Journal of Medicine. It suggested that mentally challenging activities, including bridge, could slow the onset of Alzheimer's disease.

6. SRC Bridge Escapade to Cherating Beach Malaysia 13th-16th October
What does paradise look like? How about spotless golden sands, beautiful sunrises, sea-facing resort rooms, a full moon rising over the ocean and a private room for non-stop bridge?
These were just some of the perks that 14 holiday makers and one baby (!) had at the Suria Best Western sited in Cherating on the East coast of Malaysia. Unfortunately, there was a downside. Everyone, without exception, put on weight from the sinful buffets.
Back to bridge. Kudos must go to the winners of “The Most Sporting Pair” prize. Raw Beginner Steven Chew gamely volunteered to play so that we could have no sit-outs and full participation, thereby subjecting himself to a “baptism of fire.” His partner was Pat Leong who cheerfully undertook this challenge and showed much patience and understanding.
Day 1 Pair Results : Tied 1st Tan Soh Hong/Ooi Suan Lin and Rana Gill/Michael Fernandez 3rd Dorothy Wong/Ron Savage
Day 2 Individual Results : 1st Shamim Moledina 2nd Zain Moledina 3rd Rana Gill

7. Conduct & Etiquette
Many claim to know the laws of Bridge but Laws 74 & 90 occasionally slip through their fingers.
A player should:-
1. Maintain at all times a courteous attitude.
2. Carefully avoid any remark or action that might cause annoyance.
3. Refrain from gratuitous comments.
Other propriety offenses subjected to penalty include prolonging play unnecessarily, loud discussion and even touching another's card!
Failure to comply promptly with any instruction of the Director is very serious. These fall under Law 91 and include deduction of points and a suspension of a contestant for the current session.

8. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Oct 7th to Nov 25th

DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Oct 7 Zain/Trevor Michael/Selvan Thomas/DavidOng
Oct 14 BengTee/Teodor Yu/Ping Tricia/DavidOng
Oct 21 Shamim/Dulari Zain/Shawn Dot/RonS
Oct 28 Shamim/Zain=BengTee/Sng Evelyn - Jane
Nov 4 RonOh/Nancy Howard/Norma Thomas/Firoz
Nov 11 Carl/Chris DavidOng/Tricia Yu/Ping
Nov 18 Trevor/SSChang Yu/Ping Zain/Caio
Nov 25 Carl/Chris Zain/Trevor Chen/Firoz

9. Who's Who In Bridge - Movie Stars
Can you imagine Elizabeth Taylor playing bridge across from you? Would that be a misdeal with that extra queen in the deck?
For the ladies, wouldn’t the dashing Omar Shariff sitting next to you make you lose concentration?
What if you make a mistake with the likes of big bad bald Telly Savalas (Kojak) as your partner? Scary huh?
Perhaps it is much better to have some extra jokers around? How about the evergreen Marx Brothers or even the cigar chomping George Burns or the goofy Don Addams (Get Smart)?
These are just a few of the many movie stars who have made bridge a part of their life.

10. New Book – ACBL “The Official Encyclopedia of Bridge
Rana Gill has kindly donated the above book to our library. Thank You!

11. Community Service – Air Force Museum 15th Nov
The bridge section leveraged off the SRC Kid’s Club trip to the Air Force Museum by sponsoring 7 boys from the Darul Ma’wa Home. Excited and curious, they climbed all over the planes and missiles (yes, it’s allowed!). To their credit, they were also eagerly asking questions and reading the information panels. This was followed by an ice-cream and burger lunch at the beach.
Thanks to Pat & Leong for their kind donation and also to Chum, Shamim and Zain for their “not too successful” attempt to control the kids! 12. Puzzle : Bridge/Whist History Quiz
Can you match the Person/Place to the Event? To help you get you started: one answer is G3.
E & H should be easy.
A. Barbey 1. First Book
B. Bentinck 2. First Bridge Magazine
C. Cavendish 3. First Duplicate Board used
D. Culbertson 4. First Duplicate Game
E. Goren 5. First Laws of Bridge
F. Hoyle 6. First Movement
G. Kalamazoo (place) 7. Most Popular Point Count System
H. Mitchell 8 First Signal
I. Vanderbilt 9. First Vulnerability

Supplementary Question: My friend claimed he got some help from the internet and therefore got 8 out of 9 correct. True? False? Maybe? What do you think?

ACROSS
1 Position.
3 “_____ the Line” (Rubber Bridge term).
6 They may be penalized by the Director. (4,7)
8 You sometimes have to ruff high to ensure that your opponent is _____ to over ruff.
9 Slam level.
13 Most partnerships _____ the Stayman convention.
14 With 11-down, where the Precision bidding system was developed.
17 It happens in a Mitchell movement to obtain a single winner. (2 words)
19 With a comfortable lead, a pair _____ to bid conservatively.
20 Position.
DOWN
1 It results from an odd number of pairs. (2.3)
2 A Bridge movement.
3 A common lead is fourth _____.
4 Psychic bid, essentially.
5 Position
7 Opponents are obliged to explain what a bid _____.
10 There are computer programs which deal out hands when you _____ your requirements.
11 See 14-across.
12 The _____ highest card is the seven.
15 Position.
16 Lowest cards.
18 What a long suit might do.

Created for 2008 SRC Open Pairs by Zain Moledina

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

14. Half-Baked
“Bridge is about making mistakes and learning from them.
My Partner got half of it right.”

15. How’s That Again
“Every morning I check the Internet to see if I am on the Forbes 100 Richest List. If I don't see my name, I go and play Bridge.”

16. A Bridge Story - Et tu, Partner?
Weak Response – When your partner passes your Forcing Bid … followed by …
Double – When the opponents double up with laughter … followed by …
Dummy – What you call your Partner … followed by …
Call – What your partner thinks of you … followed by …
Overcall – What you think of your partner … followed by …
Point Count – When he Points out and Counts all your past mistakes … followed by …
Small Slam – When you slam your cards on the table … followed by …
Grand Slam – When he slams his fist into your face … followed by …
Splinter – When you poke him with the pencil tip ... followed by …
Short Club – When he hits you with a cane … followed by …
Vulnerable – When you start to cry … followed by …
End Play – Bye-bye partnership

17. Pass me just one Peanut
Does there exist a person who can stop after playing just one hand of Bridge?

18. Ungrounded
With old age taking its toll, 4 bridge players were complaining."The lettering on the cards seems to be getting smaller every year." moaned the first senior."Yes, that makes it even more difficult to remember them" complained the second."What about the poor printing – the Club and Spades almost look alike." groaned the third.Having heard enough from his three buddies, the oldest and wisest of the group said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the Spades!"

19. Shining Example
A Bridge expert is like a diamond. A chunk of coal that made good under pressure.

20. Like Superman
If you play bridge without ever having to explain your decision or make an apology, then you obviously don’t exist.

21. Spanning the Bridge
Our club has a long tradition of Bridge. Between the time when we won our first tournament and the second, there has been 4 Popes.

22. Stone DeafPay no attention to what your partner tells you ... Remember, no statue has ever been set up in honor of any critic.
23. Daffy-nit-shuns - Bridge
Bridge is basically Poker on Valium.

24. Telling it StraightAny fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
25. Body Parts
3 sportsmen were lost and wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they came upon a dead camel."I play soccer so I will eat the feet” "I play bridge so I'll eat the brain""I play billiards" said the third sportsman "but I seem to have lost my appetite."

26. Balancing Act
There are times when I want to take out my wife and kids for an entertaining evening. Unfortunately there is no place that will make everyone happy. Someone should organise bridge games with free ice-cream in a massage parlor.

27. Daffy-nit-shun : Phantom Endplay
Declarer South holds the DA x with the DQ x in dummy. He carefully strips all the side suits and throws East in to lead away from his king of diamonds. Unfortunately West had it.
This is called phantom endplay.

28. Puzzle : Bridge/Whist History Quiz -- Answers
1742. F1, Hoyle First Book
1834 B8. Bentinck First Signal
1857 C4 Cavendish First Duplicate Game
=1891 G3 Kalamazoo First Duplicate Board used
=1891 H6 Mitchell First Movement
1892 A5 Barbey First Laws of Bridge
1925 I9 Vanderbilt First Vulnerability
1925 D2 Culbertson First Bridge Magazine
1940 E7 Goren 4 3 2 1 Point Count System
Supplementary question: False! It is impossible to get exactly 8 out of 9 correct. The last pair must be correct as well..

29. Crossword Puzzle – Answers
Across : 1. SOUTH 3.BELOW 6. TIME WASTERS 8. UNABLE 9. SIX 13. USE
14. TAIPEI 17. ARROW SWITCH 19. TENDS 20. NORTH
Down : 1. SIT OUT 2. HOWELL 3. BEST 4. LIE 5. WEST 7. MEANS 10. INPUT
11. TAIWAN 12. EIGHTH 15. EAST 16. TWOS 18. RUN

30. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com/. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com/
Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Section Convenor
December 1, 2008, zaris@singnet.com.sg

The Grandslam #51 Oct/Nov 2008

2008-09-27T17:16:00.003+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
October/November 08 ISSUE #51

1. Message from the Convenor – Zain Moledina
First of all, I like to welcome several novices to our Bridge Section. To get over the hump, you need to practice and not take comments personally. Every club has weekly games (ours is on Tuesday 7.30pm) and this is a great opportunity get exposure and training in a friendly atmosphere. Clubs hold a few big tournaments per year and SCBA has many “holiday” specials. These attract much larger groups of players outside your regular circle. Finally for those with masochistic tendencies (just kidding), we have the major SCBA tournaments, like the recent Pesta Sukan and the IMP Pairs (see below). Set a modest target for yourself and measure yourself against it. If you can beat it most of the time, you may want to try the next hurdle.
Reminder for members! If you haven’t already submitted your bridge survey form, do so now. We are currently in the process of reviewing our resource allocation and your feedback is important.

2. Singapore IMP Pairs Championships – 6th September
The Singapore Imp Pairs Championship held at the Singapore Contract Bridge Association. It attracted 21 pairs who had to modify their strategy to cope with the team-type scoring methodology. It was a grueling 2-session 48 board event divided by a dinner break.
After the first session, SRC’s Zain and partner Trevor Li were 4th and 19 IMPs behind the leaders. But early in the 2nd session, they had caught up quite a bit because of a disastrous signaling error by the opponents followed a few hands later by a lucky break that allowed an over aggressive game contract to be made. It was a 3-horse race going into the final stretch. However, optimism was shattered on the penultimate hand when a tough 3NT contract was made against them via a double throw-in. A Vienna coup on the final hand landed an overtrick for a clear top. But, in this event, it was just a “useless” extra 1 IMP. How useless it was can be seen in the results below.
1st Yong Hao Ng & Yukun Zhang +78.9 IMPs
2nd Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) +74.0 IMPs
3rd Mark Tiong & Kien Fong Yong +73.3 IMPs
4th Gideon Tan & Caio Feilhaber +42.7 IMPs

3. Pesta Sukan Open Pairs – 8th August
The Pesta Sukan Tournament is arguably the most prestigious regional event that is held in Singapore. It was organised by the Singapore Contract Bridge Association and held on 8-8-08 at the Bishan clubhouse. While much of the focus is on the team event (which SRC did not enter), the Open Pairs also attracted a strong turnout of 24 pairs. In a tension-filled atmosphere, the players fought it out for the coveted medals.
The many long hours of practice over the past year paid off as misunderstandings and mistakes were few and far between. As a result, SRC added a Bronze to the Gold from the 2004 Mixed Pairs. Mr. Patrick Choy Kwok Hung, Vice President of the World Bridge Federation was in Singapore to present the medals
Gold : Derek Maggs & Wong Choo Wai
Silver : Christopher Gregory & Sugiharto
Bronze : Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC)
4th : L L Wong & Fabian Tan

4. SRC Inaugural In-House Individual Tournament – 14th Sept – by Carl Parker
Bridge is a partnership game. All of that was out the window when we hosted our first Individual Tournament. Each player had to change partners after every round. Not since the sixties has this much partner swapping been witnessed. The big drawback, of course, is who do you blame for failure? Blaming all your partners is a little like the recruit who remarked, "Look, Captain, the whole platoon is out of step except me!"
The lack of time to settle bidding systems means that there are ample grounds for confusion and misunderstanding. This is supposed to be part of the fun!? But during play, the concentration was intense. I wonder, were they trying to read each other's bids or each other's minds?
Ultimately, when the buffet plates were filled with seconds, the survivor list was read out.
1st Zain Moledina 67.1% 2nd Shamim Moledina 64.8% 3rd Chris Wong 59.1% 4th Pat Leong 58.0%
Best Newcomer : Ong Cheng Huat.
Editor’s note : Thanks to Carl for this light-hearted article and for scoring and directing the match too.

5. CSC National Day Special – 9th August
36 players donning the good old Red and White celebrated National Day with a pot luck special tournament organised by Chinese Swimming Club. The banquet table was overflowing with food and drinks but the savvy lot headed straight for the multi-grained bread with cream cheese. Pure heaven. SRC pairs again put in solid performances.
1st Ronnie Oh & Nancy Oh 63.8%
2nd N.W. Leong (SRC) & Pat Leong (SRC) 62.2%
3rd Murli Vassanmal (SRC) & Zain Moledina (SRC) 58.9%

6. 1st World Mind Sports Games – 3rd to 18th October
After the Olympics, get ready for another high – The 1st World Mind Sports Games in Beijing. The event will cover Bridge, Chess, GO, Draught and Chinese Chess and it would be the first of its kind held in the world. Over 3000 mind game players from 250 countries and regions are converging for this historical event. Catch the action of our Singapore Ladies, U28 & U21 on the internet. Best of luck – we are rooting for you.

7. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Aug 5th to Sep 19th
DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Aug 5 Dot/RonS Evelyn/Jane=Nancy/RonOh
Aug 12 Pat/Leong Ping/Yu Nancy/RonOh
Aug 19 BK/Richard Carl/Chris Evelyn/Jane
Aug 26 Yu/Chen Dot/RonS Shawn/Zain
Sep 2 Dulari/Zain Chen/Wong Adelene/RonOh
Sep 9 Carl/Chris HongChoon//Lee = Koh/Alex
Sep 16 BengTee/Teodor Zain/Alex Alison/DerekMaggs
Sep 23 & 30 Games cancelled due to Formula 1 road closures.

8. SCBA Liaison Officer to SRC – Ng Chun Tat
The Singapore Contract Bridge Association has appointed Liaison Officers to all member clubs. We concur that this is a positive step towards closer interaction and understanding. We like to extend a very warm welcome to Ng Chun Tat as our interface.
9. SCBA Inter-Club League April 12th to 25th Oct 2008 - Update
As we approach the home stretch, our team, SRC Dreamers, is currently 2nd behind BTCC-C.
vs National University of Singapore C Won 18 - 12
vs Nanyang Technological University B Won 25 - 3
vs BTCC-B Won 25 - 0
vs NUSS Blue Won 21 – 9
vs BTCC-C Lost 14 - 16
vs Hwa Chong Institution Won Walkover 20.8 - 0 (estimated score)
vs Raffles JC Won 22-8
vs St. Andrews JC Won Walkover 20.8 – 0 (estimated score)
In the Cup section, our results have been mixed. We turned the tables on BTCC-C who we had narrowly lost to in the league game and are currently leading in the Swiss consolation pool.
vs Bukit Timah CC B Won 78 -49 IMPs
vs Bozzetto (Azzurro) Lost 35-47 IMPs
vs SICC (Red) Lost 27-86 IMPs
vs Japan Club Won 24-6 VP
vs BTCC C Won 19-11 VP

10. Beginner Class – 18th July to 12th Sep
The Bridge Section would like to congratulate our latest batch of 10 graduates into the bridge world. Special tables will be set up on Tuesday night at 7.30pm at the Bibik to practice under the guidance of a mentor.

11. SRC Bridge Escapade to Cherating Beach 13th-16th October
SRC is planning a 4-Day 4-Night getaway to Best Western Suria Resort situated on the golden sands of Cherating Beach on the East coast of Malaysia. The program includes a 3 Nights stay at the resort with a Sea View Room with Balcony, 2 Buffet dinners, 3 Buffet Breakfasts, 2 days of Bridge in an exclusive function room with tea/snacks provided by the hotel and 2-way transport on a VIP coach. The price is just S$240. The booking is now closed but you may want to submit your name to Shamim at zaris@singnet.com.sg in case there are any cancellations.

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

12. Puzzle Corner --- Alcatraz Coup
Consider this situation. A J 10 in Dummy and K x x in Declarer’s hand. How to guarantee 3 tricks? Think about it for a minute before reading on.
Declarer leads the J from dummy and on getting a low card from RHO, revokes by playing a side suit! LHO will either play a low a card or the Q. If the card is low, Declarer corrects his unestablished revoke with a low card. If the Q is played, he corrects it with the K. Of course, LHO is permitted to take back his Q without penalty, but now the marked finesse gives 3 tricks!
If something like this happens against you, call the director. Any qualified competent director will use Law 12 (Director’s Discretionary Powers) to rectify damage to ensure you at least get the Q trick or Average Plus. If the Director feels there are ethical issues involved, the penalty will be very severe on the declarer including suspension or debarment.

13. Back up Plan
“We can't all be full-time Bridge Players. There must be someone who has to work to support us.”
14. Sluffed
“Lucky we don’t have bridge players for neighbours, otherwise our street will become a dump site in no time. All they ever talk about is discard this, discard that...”

15. Bird Brain?
Bridge players are like woodpeckers. They succeed by using their head.

16. Living Dangerously
The Americans were desperate. They had 3 great players for the Bermuda Bowl World Bridge Championships but could not find a suitable 4th. Finally in the slums of Iraq they found an unknown bridge genius. They quickly made him a US citizen and a member of the team. True to expectations, the ex-Iraqi was the anchor man and showed amazing bid judgment and made many impossible contracts. After winning the tournament, he excitedly called his mother and told her the news.

"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman said. "You deserted us. You're not my son."

“But mother," the young man pleaded. "I just won the greatest Bridge event in the world. I'm in the middle of hundreds of adoring fans and a huge bonus is coming my way."
“No, let me tell you," the mother sobs. "At this very moment, there are gun shots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubbish and rubble. Last week, your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight ... (sniff … sniff…) … I’ll never forgive you for making us move to New York."

17. Pandemic
Bridge is gaining popularity and it is now everywhere in the world … just like AIDS.

18. Splitting Honours
During a Bridge party there are those who want to play on and those that are totally fed up and want to go home. The trouble is that they are always a partnership.

19. As easy as zzz
“I have often won major tournaments and pulled off impossible slams.
Unfortunately it’s always in my dreams.”

20. How’s That Again?
“I could play bridge with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I rather play bridge with the cows until you come home.” (Groucho Marx … sort of)

21. How’s That Again?
“Another Beginner Bridge Course is starting next month. If you missed it the last time, this is your golden opportunity to miss it again.”

23. Nuclear Waste
Bridge is a weapon of mass distraction.

24. Bridge of Life
Why learn to play bridge? Isn’t life bad enough without bridge?

25. Bottom Line
The difference between a fantastic bid and a stupid bid is largely a matter of result.

26. How’s That Again?
The inherent downside in looking for a new bridge partner is the possibility of that you might actually get one.

27. Over the Top
If you think the contract looks easy, be careful, you may be going downhill.

28. Bridge versus Movies
The only reason I prefer Bridge to the movies is that the toilets are usually much closer.

29. My Bitter Half
“I play bridge to be entertained. If I want to be stressed and abused, I might as well stay home with my wife.”

30. Bridge over the Cuckold’s Nest
Bridge is the last refuge of brain damaged intellectuals.

31. Brain Not Included
I gave my young nephew a pack of cards; He spent 5 minutes looking for the place to put in the batteries.

32. How’s That Again?
“I found out that my husband had been sneaking out to play bridge. When I confronted him with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.”

33. Over the Hill
“Since my bridge partner turned 45, she not only forgets the cards but has been exceptionally short-tempered when I point it out. I think she is going through her mental pause.”

34. Bottom Feeders
“I always knew that if all else failed I could go back and play professional bridge -- as you can see, all else has failed.”

35. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com

Zain Moledina,
SRC Bridge Section Convenor
September 27, 2008
Email: zaris@singnet.com.sg

The Grandslam #50 August/September 08

2008-08-01T10:10:00.005+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
August/Sept 08 ISSUE #50

This 50th issue is dedicated to the one we…cough … cough … love the most – our Partners

1. Message from the Convenor – Zain Moledina
After 4 grueling months, our team emerged with a clean-sweep in the 2008 Premier League by not dropping a single match. I can honestly say that every team member surpassed expectations and performed admirably under a lot of pressure. Congratulations to Prof Yu and his team!

As I mentioned in the last newsletter, there is a need to re-examine our section’s priorities, resource allocation and direction. Section members will be receiving a survey form in 2 weeks. Aside from answering all the questions, please do make an effort to fill in the comment box. Cheng Huat is heading this project and our committee will discuss and reply every suggestion.

2. Premier League – March 2nd to June 22nd http://premierbridgeleague.webs.com/
We did it!! After coming in 2nd last year to Singapore Island Country Club, we lifted the Kan Ming Kwong Trophy … and in style! We won every game in the 8 round robin matches and every team member significantly contributed to the victory.

SRC started strongly against one of the favourites – NUSS. We continued with comfortable victories until we clashed with SICC in the penultimate round. Winning that close match was basically the decider as we had, by then, amassed a very big lead. Even though the pressure was off, we took a
17-13 win over runners’-up Chinese Swimming Club in the final round. Overall we scored a total of 176 Victory Points out of a possible 200.
Our congratulation goes to Eric Luk and his committee for a well organised event.

The SRC team members are (l to r) Murli Vassanmal, Chris Wong, Carton Parker, Prof. Yu Chun Yee (Capt), Zain Moledina, Shamim Moledina (Vice Captain), B.K. Tham and (not in picture) Richard Lim,

SGCC 17 13 23 7 7 25 6 11 108
NUSS 13 18 15 20 7 25 23 13 133
Keppel 17 12 14 6 5 15 25 8 101
Tanglin 7 15 16 1 0 13 8 1 61
CSC 23 10 24 25 13 20 21 14 149
SRC 23 23 25 25 17 25 21 17 176
GW 3 4 15 17 10 4 7 0 60
Siglap 24 7 3 22 9 9 23 24 120
SICC 19 17 20 25 16 13 25 6 141

3. Geylang West 3rd Annual Pairs – 29th June
It was a pleasant afternoon of socialising, food and bridge organised by Convenor Lee Chin, Isabel and her friends. The 24 pairs were a mix bag of differing standards, determined to enjoy themselves (the wine helped!). SRC players were represented in 3 of the top 5 positions.

1st Shamim & Zain Moledina (SRC) 65.8%
2nd Rahim Rahmat & Ron Savage 61.1%
3rd Tan Eng Choo & Richard Lim (SRC) 59.7%
4th Lawrence Kwek & Loo Yew Chung 59.3%
5th Alan Chua & Murli Vassanmal (SRC) 58.0%
6th Ron Oh & Koh Sei Hian 55.4%
Mr. Andrew Chen Wai Kwang PBM the Chairman of Geylang West SEC gave away the prizes.

4. Graduation Tournament - Making the Transition – July 1st
The time had come. The nerves were frayed. The wrinkled foreheads and anxious looks were obvious to all. One by one, the neophytes walked nervously towards the box and pulled out a card … no … half a card. The deed was done, their fate was sealed. The master who held the other half would lead his apprentice for his initiation into the greater bridge family. Have no fear. You are one of us now. From now on, we will all be your guide.

The Bridge Section held its first Graduation Tournament on 1st July. Eight novices were randomly matched with 8 experienced players. There were some snacks to ease the stress and, of course, a very loose interpretation of the bridge laws – basically, anything goes! The objective was to give the novices a taste of their first competition and welcome them to the regular bridge circuit.

1. C C Chen & Malti Bhatia 63.1% 2. Zhang Ping & Chum Chan Fai 56.0%
3= Chris Wong & Hilda Tay 54.8% 3= Yu Chun Yee & Lee Yuet Wah 54.8%

5. Siglap CC In-house Potluck Special – 13th July
This pleasant 5-table match with friends and a bring-a-Dish lunch was won by SRC’s Murli Vassanmal and Chew Ai Leng. Incidentally, Murli was also top with his chocolate cake which was sinfully delightful as well!

6. BGB Simultaneous Pairs – July 28
The BGB (Bridge Great Britain) Summer Pairs was played simultaneously by 2651 pairs at 145 clubs in 6 countries. Results for best performing Singapore pairs in this pool are as follows:-

Pair Names Overall % Overall Rank
Perry Chan & Yong Hui Yeo 61.94 115
Zain Moledina (SRC) & Trevor Li 56.46 471
Nancy Chan & Mohammad Alvandi 56.31 483

7. SCBA Inter-Club League Update – April 12th to 25th Oct 2008
Midway through this event, our results are as follows:-
SRC Dreamers vs National University of Singapore C Won 18 - 12
SRC Dreamers vs Nanyang Technological University B Won 25 - 3
SRC Dreamers vs Bukit Timah CC B Won 25 - 0
SRC Dreamers vs NUSS Blue Won 21 – 9
In the Knockout Cup section, we have dropped to the consolation pool.

8. Beginner Class – 18 July onwards
14 people have registered for this 8-lesson class. Zain has volunteered to teach.

9. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from June 3rd to July 29th
DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Jun 3 RonS/Dot Shawn/Chen Caio/Zain
Jun 10 Rana/AiLeng RonS/Rahim Yu/Chen
Jun 17 Carl/Chris Pat/Leong Ping/Ciao
Jun 24 Shawn/Zain RonOh/Nancy RonS/Koh
Jul 1 Special Graduation Game (see above)
Jul 8 BengTee/Teodor Ping/Chum Chen/Shawn
Jul 15 Trevor/Zain Chen/Shawn RonS/RonOh
Jul 22 Alan/RonOh Shawn/Chen Dot/RonS
Jul 29 Shawn/Zain Nancy/RonOh Chum/Hong Choon

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)
10. It Does Not Add Up
Joe : I am not such a bad bridge player. I can count all the partners I ever had in just one hand.
Sam : You must be holding a calculator.

11. Airing Your Frustration
You can always tell when a partnership is in trouble. Little things start getting in your nerves. “Would you please stop that!! That breathing in and out. It’s so repetitious.”

12. Beating the Odds
Take care of your bridge partner; Make him feel important and smart. If you can do that, you will have a happy and wonderful partnership. Just like 1 out of 100 partnerships.

13. Bridge Under Troubled Waters
I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can never get my partner to go swimming.

14. Long Rocky Road
My partner and I have been partnering for 40 years … out of spite.

15. Falling Uphill
"Do you think my game is improving?"
Of course. You only go down 2 nowadays.

16. That Sinking Feeling
Taking advice from my bridge partner is like taking sailing lessons from the captain of the Titanic

17. Divine Intervention
I just learned Bridge and I play really bad. Fortunately, there are many understanding and kind people at my church who don't mind partnering me and accepting me for what I am ... a punishment from God.

18. Daffy-nit-shuns : Politeness
Politeness is not saying bad things about your partner until you are at least 50 metres away.

19. Unlucky for Some
Not everyone hates my Partner. Only those who have partnered him.

20. Losing Your Match
My Bridge partner ran off with my wife: and let me tell you, I really miss him.

21. Relatively Speaking
Bridge partners are like husbands -- they are fine as long as they are someone else's.

22. Putting into Perspective
The purpose of Bridge parties is to remind you that there are partners who are worse than yours.

23. Double Sided Tape
They have invented this skin patch that will immediately cure depression. I tested it out during my Bridge session and it worked perfectly. All you need to do is to peel away the backing and stick it across your partner's mouth.

24. Pain Without Gain
Playing Bridge with my partner is like moving a piano.

25. Problem Solving
What do you have when your partner is buried up to his neck in the sand? Not enough sand.

26. Brain Drain
My partner has a brain like Einstein’s --- dead since 1955.

27. Going Green
If my partner's IQ gets any lower, I will have to water him.

28. Ejaculated
I call my partner “sperm”. They both have 1 chance in three million of becoming a human being.

29. Gift of the Gab?
My Partner has a very sharp tongue. I am hoping he cuts his own throat with it.

30. Semi-Grey Matter
When my Bridge partner goes to a mind-reader, he gets half price.

31. S & M Bridge
I play bridge only to punish my partner.

32. Crossword Puzzle Answers from Previous Issue
Across 1.Four Clubs 6.Noise 7. USA 8. Sign 10. Pull 11. Us 12. IMP 13. All 14.Grandslam
Down 1. Finessing 2. Using Up 3. Cues 4. Unusual 5. Smallslam 9. NS 13. Add

33. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com
Zain Moledina August 1st 2008
Email: zaris@singnet.com.sg

The Grandslam #49 June/July 2009

2008-06-02T14:57:00.003+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
June/July 08 ISSUE #49

1. Message from the New Convenor – Zain Moledina
I was the Convenor when the SRC Bridge section was established in 2000. It was by default really, as I happened to have some bridge experience. 101 things to set up from scratch and what did I gain? Definitely not my locks. “Enough” I said.
I have been successfully “hiding” for 7 years as your propagand … ur … editor. It is a position I enjoy. So why am I moving out of my comfort zone? First and foremost, I have already lost most of my hair and look really ugly so losing more will only improve my looks (all this flawless logic is from Shamim). Secondly, she has been asking me for the past few months to help her manage tricky new issues, trends and changes we have been seeing (ouch! – a 2-prong attack). So there. The monkey is now officially back on my back although I don’t think it had ever fully got off.
From our ivory tower, we think we know what to do – more members, more training, more successes, more professionalism, more activities … more … and still more. Needless to say, I was 100% guilty in all this “more” stuff and fully endorsed it. However, during my upcoming term as convenor, I want to revisit these self-evident axioms and see if pigs really have wings.
When bridge started at SRC, we were a small close-knit social oriented group. It was fun to make our contract or get our opponents down. Now when the same thing happens, we are tense! Will the other table make an overtrick? Why didn’t I double? Expectations are higher and stress levels are through the roof. Long post mortems are standard and conventions are constantly being added to further tax our aging memory.
We exist because of the support from the management of SRC and our section members. So the bottom line has to be “what does SRC expect of us and what do our members (most of whom are novices) want?” One “more” size fits all? Right now, only the walrus knows for sure.
“Sitting on a cornflake,
waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt,
stupid bloody Tuesday.
goo goo g'joob”
(Lennon/McCartney)

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
(Lewis Carroll)

2. SRC Bridge Section AGM- 1st June
The 8th Bridge Section Annual General Meeting had a quorum and started after a light lunch at 12.30pm. Out-going convenor Shamim summarised her terms 2 major activities – getting 2 members certified as tournament directors and organizing an Advance Course for our members. There was also a long string of successes in tournaments which can be found in past issues of The GRANDSLAM . The treasurer stated that the section’s finances have further strengthened with a healthy surplus. The elections were then held and all positions were uncontested.
Incoming Committee 2008/09 Outgoing Committee 2007/8
Convenor Zain Moledina Shamim Moledina
Vice Convenor Shamim Moledina B.K. Tham
Treasurer N. W. Leong Pat Leong
Secretary Ong Cheng Huat Adelene de Roza
Editor (discontinued – see 7 below) Zain Moledina
3. SRC Open Teams – 1st June
Once again our premier team event had an overwhelming response. Halfway through the event, the X-Men team of L L Wong, Rajendra, Christopher Gregory and Ng Chun Tat were clearly in the lead. The tussle for the minor positions remained extremely keen and it was anybody’s game going into the last round. With a final spurt SRC’s M.RR (Murli Vassanmal, Dorothy Wong, Rahim Rahmat and Ron Savage) grabbed 2nd spot with defending champion SRC Rouge et Noir (Zain & Shamim Moledina, Caio Feilhaber, Trevor Li) and Chinese Swimming Club (Robin Fong, B Y Chia, C L Chia and Eric Luk) tied for 3rd. The Crossword prize was won by Trevor Li. (see bottom of newsletter to try your hand at it – easy this time round -- not more than 5 minutes required)

4. To Bibik or not to Bibik -- Labour Day Special – 1st May
With the departure of the Bibik Restaurant, the bridge section now has an interim new area to practice on Tuesday. It is spacious, quiet and a 270-degree view second to none! Although the space has been earmarked for conversion into Guest Rooms in the near future, right now we are over the moon. Many thanks to GM Rashid and Social Chairman Richard Yong.
A special game was held on Labour Day to celebrate this occasion. We invited representatives from clubs all over Singapore including Mr. Derek Maggs, the Secretary of the Singapore Contract Bridge Association and his wife, Alison.
A simple but savory dinner was served to end a delightful afternoon of bridge and socialising. Although no dessert was served, there was nevertheless an icing on the cake when SRC players were represented in both first and second spots.
1st Dr. Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) 69.5%
2nd Magdalene Medora & Prof. Yu Chun Yee (SRC) 57.5%
3rd (tied) Veronica Png & Evelyn Klyne 56.0%
Ron Savage & Rahim Rahmat

5. CSC Premier League – March 2nd to June 22nd
SRC hosted the 6th leg of the event on 11th May with a full dinner. Once again our thanks go to the SRC Management Committee for their support to make this possible, Results so far are:-
SRC vs National University of Sgp Staff Won 23-7
SRC vs Serangoon Gardens CC Won 23-7
SRC vs Geylang West CC Won 25-4
SRC vs Keppel Club Won 25-5
SRC vs Tanglin Club Won 25-0
SRC vs Siglap CC Won 21-9
We have yet to play Singapore Island CC and Chinese Swimming Club (who are 2nd behind SRC).
Get all the details at http://premierbridgeleague.webs.com/

6. SCBA Inter-Club League Div 3– April 12th to 25th Oct 2008
Round Robin League Results (standing after Round 3 out of 9) :-
SRC Dreamers vs National University of Singapore C Won 18 – 12
SRC Dreamers vs Nanyang Technological University B Won 25 - 3
SRC Dreamers vs Bukit Timah CC B Won 25 - 0
Knockout Cup Double Elimination Results :
Round 1: SRC Dreamers vs Bukit Timah CC B Won 78-49 Qualified for Round 2
Get all the results at http://bridgeleague.net/

7. O Editor, My Editor
The outgoing Bridge Committee has unanimously passed a motion on 27th May 2008 to officially eliminate the committee position of Editor effective immediately. The responsibilities of the Editor are currently being covered by the Convenor.

8. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Apr 15th to May 27th
DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Apr 15 Zain/Caio Rahim/Marvin Alan/Theresa
Apr 22 Shamim/Murli Zain/Trevor=Yu/Ping
Apr 29 Yu/Ping Dorothy/RonS Shamim/Murli
May 6 B K/Richard Yu/Ping Zain./Shamim
May 13 Chris/Nancy Caio/Shamim Yu/Ping
May 20 Alan/Ping Yu/Chen RonOh/Nancy
May 27 Caio/Shamim Evelyn/Jane Koh/Firoz

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

9. Points to Ponder
The late British expert Alan Hiron captained the Junior Team at the European Championships in Prague in 1968. For transport, he hired a Skoda and overloaded it with his whole team and also some press personnel and supporters. Needless to say, he was stopped by the police. One of the bridge correspondents in the car was Robert Sheehan. He calmly produced his Masterpoints Card and had a quiet private talk with the cop. They were let off with a warning.
This is the only recorded instance of Masterpoints being of any practical use.

10. Confusion Says …
Secret of happy partnership is ....... still a secret.

11. Lost Cause
Losing a bridge partner can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible

12. Shooting Blanks
Bridge is something like photography, if you don't focus; all you have is the negative.

13. How’s That Again?
I somehow get the feeling that bridge would be more enjoyable if it had been played with a soccer ball.

14. Confusion Says …
Man without bridge is like neck without pain.

15. Butt Of Course
The only reason I prefer sex to bridge is because I get to smoke a cigarette afterwards.

16. New Deal
I told my wife that I don’t want to be there for the birth of our child.
I don’t see why my bridge game should also be ruined.

17. Bridging the Years
I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, "I wanna grow up and be a bridge player"

18. Bad Break
You must excuse my bridge partner. He suffered a stroke a few years ago which rendered him totally annoying.

19. Scotch and Water
Giving bridge advice to Zia Mahmood is like giving a fish a bath.

20. Shoveling Dirt
My new neighbour was helping me with some gardening. I knew immediately that he was a Bridge player when it took him almost 2 minutes to understand what I meant when I asked him to "Pass the Spade".

21. Final Resting Place
Bridge is the last refuge of those who have nothing to do.

The Grandslam #48 Apr/May 08

2008-04-12T23:54:00.006+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
April/May 08 ISSUE #48

1. Message from the Convenor – Shamim Moledina
Sorry for the delay in this issue. Zain and I were in the jungles of Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam for one month feeding the starving mosquitoes and leeches. Ok, let’s get back to concrete jungles and safer bridges.
We have signed up for both the Premier League and the Inter-Club this year so it is going to be very busy for us. We had a strong start in the PL but there is still a long difficult road ahead.
There was a great response to our Beginner Course and we actually had to prematurely close the registration for the very first time!
SRC’s proud 125 years of history has been documented into a book which is now in our bridge library. I hope every member will take this opportunity to borrow this wonderful book.

2. Geylang West CC “Pot Luck” CNY Special – Feb 15th
Ever been to a bridge game where the food surpassed the game itself? Well, congratulation must go to Convenor Lee Chin and Lucy Chow for a Lo Hei with real abalone and a wonderful feast fit for a king (ok, ok, for queens, jacks and deuces too).
The pairing was done via a random (un)lucky draw. As expected, none the 14 pairs were regular partnerships, and many of them were pairing for the very first time – ouch! Like I said, the food was great.
1st Murli Vassanmal (SRC) & Zain Moledina (SRC) 74.5%
2nd Nancy Lim & Shamim Moledina (SRC) 63.9%
3rd Ron Savage & David Ong 56.0%

3. SRC Bridge Beginner Course
The response was overwhelming. We had hoped for 16, planned for 12 and would have been satisfied with 10 but somehow the applications kept on coming. When we realised (too late!) what was happening, we had already accepted 20! Fortunately several members volunteered to help Chun Nyit run the practice sessions otherwise it would have been a real strain.

4. Premier League – March 2nd to June 8th
Prof Yu Chun Yee is captaining the team this year. During the team meeting on 24th Feb, he emphasized the importance of the balancing the 2 objectives – fielding our strongest team and letting all team members contribute. Those present appreciated the situation and agreed to his “weighted” strategy. The 4 “regular” pairs are Prof Yu/Zain, Murli/Shamim, Chris/Carl & BK/Richard.
SRC started strongly beating NUSS 23-7 in Round 1 followed by another 23-7 against Serangoon Gardens in Round 2. SRC sat out in the 3rd Round.
Get all the details at http://premierbridgeleague.webs.com/

5. New Library Book – “SRC Celebrates 1883-2007”
Bridge Members are welcome to borrow this book from the SRC Bridge Library. This book spans the 125 years of SRC history. Read all about the events and people that made SRC what it is today including a page on the Bridge Section. Please note that SRC section members may also borrow books from the SCBA extensive library at Bishan.
6. SCBA Inter-Club League – April 12th to 25th Oct
SRC first joined this league in 2004 with a very green team where several members had never played a team event before (I kid you not)! Appropriately, the team name was “Odyssey” to reflect the arduous journey into the unknown. We were 6th in the 3rd Division of 10 teams. The objective at that time was to gain experience and exposure. Both goals were successfully achieved without undue embarrassment!

Since then we have not fielded a team and several of our members have gone on to play for other teams. We have now, once again, “collected” all these drifters and put them under one banner – The SRC Dreamers. Why “dreamers”? Well, not because we old fogies are going to doze off during the match (at least I hope not!). Rather we dream of performing well. Follow the results at http://bridgeleague.net/

7. Puzzle – Know Your Honours
No peeking now ... 8 out of 12 is excellent!
a. Which King is stabbing himself in the head?
b. Which King is carrying an axe?
c. Which King’s face is in profile?
d. Which King has no mustache?
e. Which Queen is wearing a triangle design scarf?
f. Which Queen is wearing a hexagonal design scarf?
g. Which Queen is wearing a square/circle designed scarf?
h. Which Queen is in profile?
i. Name a “one-eye Jack”?
j. Name the other “one-eye Jack”?
k. Which Jack is carrying an axe?
l. Which Jack has a feather in his cap?

8. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Feb 12th to Apr 8th
DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Feb 12 RonS/Dot Zain/Shamim RonOh/Nancy
Feb 19 Henry/Zain Alan/Theresa RonS/Dot
Feb 26 Teodor/BengTee Yu/Zain BK/Richard=Murli/Shamim
Mar 4 Teodor/BengTee RonS/Dot Caio/Zain
Mar 11 Teodor/BengTee Pat/Leong Ping/Richard
Mar 18 Yu/Ping Dot/RonS Koh/Alex
Mar 25 Yu/Ping Carl/Chris Teodor/BengTee
Apr 1 Teodor/BengTee Murli/Caio Carl/Chris
Apr 8 James/Robin Nancy/RonOh Alex/Koh

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)
9. A Reason why Bridge is better
There is nothing embarrassing about playing a short club.

10. How’s That Again?
My Bidding may be bad but at least I make up for it with my atrocious play.

11. Daffy-nit-shun : Finesse
“Finesse” – a refined gesture or articulation incorporating a delicacy of manipulation.
If you don’t understand that, make no attempt to have it explained by a bridge player.

12. Who’s the Fool?
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.

13. Wrong Partner
Being with a woman all night never hurt a bridge player’s ability to concentrate on his game the following day.
It's staying up all night looking for the woman that does him in.

14. Just One More Game Please
There are two things in my life which I really love: my family and bridge.
The only problem is once I start playing, I change the order around a bit.

15. De-stressing
Do you get mad and angry during the bridge game?
If so, then whenever you are the dummy, just go outside, take some deep breaths, stretch your arms, count to 10 and kick the cat.

16. Why marry a bridge player
1. They have great hands
2. They are used to scoring
3. They are good at squeezes
4. They are excellent at end plays

17. Cracked Bridge
I finally figured out that playing bridge almost everyday is same thing, more or less, as having a personality disorder.

18. Sweeter than sweet
Bridge is a chocolate substitute.

19. Bridge to Hell
“Damn it. You must learn to play bridge. You can’t always be living for pleasure.”

20. Penalty Double
I know the dying process begins the moment we are born, but somehow it accelerates when we play Bridge.

21. Limited Options
Cigarettes and bridge are the perfect type of pleasure. It gives you immediate gratification and leaves you unsatisfied. What more can one want?

22. Win-win Option
If you want to win at Bridge, play with children ... and if you fall behind, it is easy to cheat.

23. C’est La Vie
Since I started playing Bridge, I have more stress, weigh more, exercise less and care less.

24. Bridge to Paradise
If the doctor ever tells you that you have just a few months to live, don't get depressed. Learn to play Bridge. Quite soon, you will look forward to your death.

25. Seeing the Future
I you want to know what you will look like 10 years from now, just play 3 sessions of Bridge in a day for a week.

26. Weighing the Benefits
Of course a loving wife is better than winning a Bridge tournament. But I am not sure about 2 Bridge Tournaments.

27. As Eye See It
When you are doing well, you are a good player. When they are doing well, they are lucky.

28. Parental Guidance
Of course prostitutes sometimes get pregnant by mistake. Where do you think Bridge Players come from?

29. Screw it on Tighter
How many Bridge players do you need to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to tell him how he could have done it better.

30. Puzzle – Know Your Honours (Answers)
a. KH b. KD c. KD d. KD
e. QS f. QC g. QD h.None
i & j JS & JH k. JH l. JC
Don’t worry … I failed too.

31 End Play
Bridge is an addiction only curable by death.

32. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com
Zain Moledina – Editor, April 1st 2008

Grandslam #47

2008-02-02T21:01:00.003+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
Feb/Mar 08 ISSUE #47

1. Message from the Convenor – Shamim Moledina
Yet another year bites the dust and don’t tell me all this “happy new year” crap. How happy can a year be when you have passed 60? Ok, ok, let me get back to bitch … er … bridge.

Our dear friend Robert Phua passed away on Jan 3rd. Since his stroke 7 years ago, he was severely paralysed, but his mind was still ok. When we visited him, we brought along some cards. He still had the same snigger whenever he ruffed a trick. Robert was one of several key people who helped establish bridge at SRC. Therefore, in this issue, I’ve asked Zain to write a short article on how he started bridge and how it ended up at SRC. I think we better document these things before we all get dementia. At this age, every time you learn something new, you forget something else. Last year I started using Lebensohl and I forgot how drive! Anyway, I hope he won’t bore you too much with his rambling style (dream on).

2. SRC’s Major Tournaments – “Why (the hell) do you play 36 Boards?”The above question has often been asked about our 2 major annual tournaments. You may be glad to know that the answer is not “Why not?”

FAIRNESS: Bridge players know that it is impossible to arrange a “fair” tournament in a large single session match where a pair just plays 12 or 13 rounds. This means that every pair has missed out playing with perhaps more than half the field! Clearly a lot of luck will come into play. With 36 boards (18 rounds) combined with our limited registration of 20 pairs, we get extremely close to an ideal situation where every pair plays against every other pair but one. Another aspect of fairness comes from the fact that the more boards you play, the less the chance of an anomaly; which is why major tournaments span over many days and rounds.

2. UPGRADED MASTERPOINTS: Once we play over 35 boards, the Masterpoints which are awarded fall into a higher bracket. Along with the "upgrade" to district level, we effectively get a double boost.

3. UNIQUE: Our “1.5-session” tournament is different from the usual run-of-the-mill 1 session or the more drawn out and logistically messy 2-session tournament. To award our trophy on the basis of just 24 boards somehow just does not seem right. There is no tournament (in Singapore at least) that has this format. Of course, everyone likes to be different and the first.

4. FITS SRC’s CONSTRAINTS: As SRC is a town club, space is always a constraint. We are allowed to reserve the main general-purpose hall for just 1 day. We also have to allocate time to set everything up by late morning and ensure there is time for scoring, prize-giving and clean up in the night. Unfortunately, this makes a full 2 session game quite tight. However, our 36-board format gives us more than enough time for dinner, socialising and solving our unique bridge crossword puzzle.

5. HERITAGE: After almost 9 years, this format has withstood the test of time and has now become part of our tradition. Our regulars find it reasonably challenging and are by now pretty familiar, supportive and comfortable with this methodology.

3. How Bridge Finally Came to SRC – Origins, People and Places … by Zain
I picked up bridge and all the Cantonese swearwords when I was about 12 and schooling in Hong Kong. Actually, I was just an irritant watching my father’s friends play and asking stupid questions. Fortunately (or is it unfortunately?), nobody told me to get lost. I became fascinated by the bridge conversation about the Italian Blue Team and the daily bridge puzzle column that appeared in the South China Morning Post. I can still remember one (made-up) hand where declarer discards all the Aces and Kings from dummy to make his 7NT contract. I was told that this is called “unblocking” but it still looked like magic to my pre-teen eyes!

Fast forward to 1975 in Singapore where Kanan Bala and I were doing National Service at the military communication headquarters at Tanglin. Some of that “communication” was the bidding that took place playing rubber bridge with the storekeeper and his pals. He had this warehouse with a large window for a quick getaway. As everyone knows, playing bridge is twice as much fun if you're doing it on army time.

Then no bridge for over 20 years and out of the blue Kanan calls me. His boss from the US is in town and wants to play bridge -- TONIGHT! I “taught” Shamim the basics in 1 hour and we had our fourth! The bridge bug had bit! (tongue twister - say it rapidly 10 times)

Singapore Recreation Club has a lot of sports and games but the only mind game was Chess. Surely there should be people like us who don’t want to end up as senile couch potatoes rooting for teams from places they have never been. In 1998, SRC had a new clubhouse and there was actually some space! Membership had increased greatly and the club wanted to broaden the recreational options. We organised a few workshops to gauge the interest and we were called an “activity”. Ironic because the 2 of us can’t even play bridge ourselves! We had no budget, no members … oh yes … we even used our own cards -- poker size!

Several people helped us along the way. Tan Peng Huat loaned us the boards, notes and taught our inaugural beginner bridge course (Dorothy Wong and Adelene de Roza are still with us today and doing great). We conducted more courses and workshops but dropouts were aplenty and disheartening. The young members were just too busy to put in the necessary time and effort. Fortunately, through patience, the neurons of our post-50 majority began to rewire and they now form the backbone of our section.

Robert Phua (see convenor’s message above) was a bundle of limitless energy and enthusiasm and was also involved in the start up of bridge at People’s Association. He encouraged players to support our games and gave us bridge stuff to get started. The Chess Room was loaned to us to practice in. It could barely fit 2 tables but then again we rarely had 8 players showing up!

Finally, we met all the requirements and on 12th June 2000, SRC President Tan Kah Hoe and Vice President Terrence Sheperdson officially conferred us a section status with a small budget to boot. Our bimonthly newsletter, “THE GRANDSLAM”, came out 3 weeks later. What a ride! Our close and supportive relationship with SRC has continued unabated under President Johnny Goh, Vice President Captain Francis Koh, Social Chairman Richard Yong and the management committee and staff. We look forward to more exciting and rewarding challenges ahead.

4. SRC Bridge Beginner Course – Starting 22nd February
An 8 session Beginner course by Chu Nyit is scheduled for Friday nights at 7.30pm starting 22nd February. This class is now FULL and REGISTRATION is CLOSED. Sorry.

5. SICC Xmas Pairs – 5th December
19 pairs tucked into an excellent turkey and ham dinner prior to the tournament. In an interesting development, all the 8 stationary pairs took the top 9 positions. Zain and Shamim were the only exception and had to face them all -- ouch!

1st Raikha Nomanbhoy & Dohadwalla K F 66.48%
2nd Zain & Shamim Moledina (SRC) 66.25%
3rd Trevor Li/J J Murugasu 62.22%
4th June Ng/Catherine Ang 5th L K Wong/Lilio Ho 6th Lui I Nam/Frank Yung
7th Greta Chai/S S Chang 8th Chu Nyit/Nancy Yung 9th H S Ho/S K Wu

(Note : SICC’s weekly Tuesday game has been changed to MONDAY)

6. Year End Celebration – SRC Xmas, Keppel NY Eve, SRC New Year
Christmas means different things to different people. To a group of diehards, it means more bridge! No way are we going to cancel our beloved Tuesday game just because of a technicality. But being Xmas, the time was brought forward to the afternoon. In a jovial easy-going atmosphere, SRC’s Pat & NW Leong took first position from SRC’s Prof Yu Chun Yee and Zhang Ping, Chew Ai Leng and Rana Gill were 3rd.

It was sliced turkey, turkey curry, turkey salad and turkey sandwiches that greeted the 36 turkeys ... ur ... players ... who showed up the following week at Keppel Club's New Year’s Eve Bridge Bash. With wine galore, it was clear that the tournament favourites would be those who could delay wetting their lips. Coincidently, the bridge convenors of 3 different clubs took the top prizes. The match was won by Eric & Alice Luk from Chinese Swimming Club with SRC's Shamim and Zain Moledina second and Keppel Club's Tan Peng Huat and Ron Oh third. The game was followed by a rowdy karaoke session that almost scared away the New Year.

Those that somehow managed to survive the hangover showed up the next afternoon at SRC's "Mad Hatters" Special with cards, flowers, leaves and some unmentionables (!) pasted on their hats. Ms. Tan Soh Hong won the judges hearts and ogling eyes with her "card-themed" hat with the year 2888 (sic) written on it to signify her upcoming 8th reincarnation. Well, you can't get madder than that, can you? The game itself was an anti-climax as Peng Huat (with Alan Chua) turned the tables on Zain and Shamim from the night before to take top spot. Dorothy Wong (SRC) partnering Ron Savage was 3rd.

7. PA Active Mind Festival 2008 – 12 January
Bridge was one of several games featured at the People’s Association Active Mind Festival at Suntec City Convention Centre over the 12/13 January weekend. Numerous exhibits and sales booths displayed products and services for Singapore’s aging population. MM Lee Kuan Yew had opened the forum the night before and Dr Vivian Balakrishnan, Minister for Community Development, graced the event. In conjunction with the festival, a Senior Pairs tournament was held 2 weeks earlier at Siglap CC. It was won by Christopher Gregory & Krishnan Rajendra. Greta Chai and Lan Foo were second with CC Ting and KY Lim third. The top 8 winners were there to demonstrate the game under the curious and puzzled eyes of thousands of onlookers roaming the exhibits. The bridge event was organised by newly elected SCBA President Wong Choo Wai, Siglap CC Convenor Tan Eng Choo. Lan Foo, Chng Chee Tong,, Nancy Oh, Evelyn Kline and others.

8. Premier League – March 2nd to June 8th (talk on Feb 24th)
Prof Yu Chun Yee will head the team with Shamim Moledina as vice-captain. Members have to be bona fide members of their respective clubs to be eligible. All SRC members are invited to a talk by Prof Yu on Feb 24th @ 3pm on Team Strategy. SRC was runners-up last year.

9. Genting Bridge Escapade – March 23rd to 27th
Don’t miss this annual event! All are welcome. Contact Shamim zaris@pacific.net.sg ASAP.

10. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Dec 4th to Jan 29th
DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
4 Dec Alan/Teresa Dot/RonS Shamim/Zain
11 Dec Shawn/Zain   Richard/Molly BengTee/Teodor=Carl/Chris
18 Dec Dot/RonS Shawn/Zain   *Florence/Maggie
25 Dec/1 Jan Xmas & “Mad Hatter” Special – see Year End Bridge Celebration above.
8 Jan Shawn/Zain   = RonOh/EngChoo Dot/RonS
15 Jan LK/Thomas Yu/Ping PengHuat/RonOh
22 Jan Tina/David Yu/Ping=Xiao Ling/Zi Xiang
29 Jan Shamim/Zain Yu/Ping Koh/Alex
* Mucho congratulations to newcomers Florence and Maggie on 18 Dec. Keep it up.

11. Anagram Puzzle (Answers at the bottom)
Each of these phrases is an anagram of a familiar bidding word or phrase. Can you unscramble them?
1. NT REBID SLIP
2. MANGLER OF CARDS
3. CAVE ROLL
4. BOLD WACKO

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

12. Three Reasons why Bridge is Better
The Ten Commandments does not say anything about not playing bridge

You can have a bridge calendar on your wall at the office, tell bridge jokes and invite co-workers home to play bridge without being sued for harassment.

If the partnership agrees on “forcing two over one”, it wouldn't be considered abnormal.

13. Wake-up Call
Retirement is one long sweet dream, and bridge is the damn alarm clock.

14. Yes … but
Bridge players are OK; I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

15. How’s That Again?
A finesse is the most boring way to make a contract. I rather go down on a squeeze play.

16. Flushed
Bridge is the Septic Tank of the intellectual.

17. Well Protected
“I played Bridge once when I was 12 years old. It was like an inoculation and made me immune from it for the rest of my life.”

18. Passing Fancy
No point flirting with a Bridge player -- they just pass you by.

19. Two Birds with One Stone“My wife says if I go to a bridge game one more time she's going to leave me.
Gosh, I'm going to miss her.”

20. Daffy-nit-shuns : Bidding
Bidding is a rest period between arguments.

21. No Kidding
A measure of a person’s mental stability is the degree to which they can play bridge as though it is just a game.

22. Redeeming Feature
Anyone who hates bridge can’t be all bad.

23. Wrong Bridge
A maintenance engineer shouts in his cell phone: “There is no goddamn bridge here! Only a bunch of crazy people gathering around card tables”

24. Never-ending Story
“Every night when I go to bed I think about my mistakes at the bridge table.”
“Gee,” his partner said, “how do you get any sleep?”
25. Fallback Position
People are born to suffer. Even those that were initially free from suffering somehow end up playing bridge.

26. It Doesn’t Add up
If winning isn't important, why does everyone look at the score?

27. Bloody Good
Bridge is easy. You only need to concentrate until a drop of blood forms on your forehead.

28. Roger Rabbit
My boyfriend says he reads Playboy for the interesting articles. Right! Sure! And I play Bridge for the abuse.

29. Double Strip Squeeze
Coincidently, I did my first Squeeze in a Bridge game in the afternoon and did a Squeeze on my first date that same night. I never had time for bridge ever since.

30. One Leg Up
Asking a bridge player what he thinks about being criticised is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs
31. Bridge of Steal
Did you know that Bridge is punishment for shoplifting in some countries?

32. How’s That Again?
I wouldn’t partner anyone who would have me as his partner.

33. Keeping it Straight
Teaching Bridge without mentioning the arguments is like sending someone to war without mentioning that people are going to get killed.

34. No Cue Bid
Playing Bridge when you are 80 is like playing Billiards with a rope.

35. End Play
The only difference between bridge and life-long suffering is, with life-long suffering, nobody is going to make fun of you.

36. Mental Problem
Half the game is mental; unfortunately the other half is mental too.

37. Fundays“Some people ask the secret of our long and harmonious marriage as my wife and I both play bridge. Well, we take time to go to a restaurant. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, dancing and later, of course, lots of bridge. … She goes Saturday, I go Sunday."

38. Better than Nothing
The invention of bridge was not an accident. It was developed to meet the important needs of a certain group of people in a particular intellectual bracket. Those people got tired of playing “Pin the tail on the Donkey”

39. Point of View
"If Bridge is only a game then the Grand Canyon is only a hole"

40. Bridge over Troubled Waters
Bridge has kept more people sane than psychiatrists have.

41. Puzzle Answer : Bidding Anagram
1. Splinter bid 2. Grand slam force 3. Overcall 4. Blackwood

42. Oops!
The following was inadvertently omitted in the last issue.
“In the 8th SRC Open Pairs, Ron Savage won the Crossword Prize with Dorothy Wong second.”

43. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com
Zain Moledina – Editor, February 1st 2008
Email: zaris@pacific.net.sg

Grandslam #45 Oct/Nov 07

2007-12-11T14:02:00.001+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
October/November 07 ISSUE #45

1. Message from the New Convenor – Shamim Moledina
Yes! I am back as your convenor. I have a nice balance of 2 very experienced and knowledgeable guys – B K and Zain, and 2 bright ladies – Pat and Adelene -- in my committee. I hope I will be able to pass the baton over to them when my term expires (oh please, please).
We have had a bumper crop of events and activities which you can read in the articles below. I am especially pleased that for the very first time, we will have a training course for ourselves. Bridge is a game where there is always much more to learn. When our partner “tell us off”, instead of feeling bad, we should view this as a free hands-on lesson … and thank him! Try this next time and see the shock followed by a smile on his face! I am sure I speak on behalf of most of my bridge friends that we want to become better players because winning is fun. We do not want to be couch potatoes talking about past glories. We want to be right here … today … at the ripe age of 60 … achieving success in open tournaments!
Viva la Bridge!

2. SRC Bridge Section 7th AGM- 19th August
A light lunch preceded the Bridge Section’s Annual General Meeting. Convenor Carlton Parker welcomed members of the MC – Vice President Capt Francis Koh, Social Chairman Richard Yong and Games Control Board Chairman Terrence Sheperdson – for gracing the occasion. He thanked them for the monetary and moral support they had shown throughout the years. He also acknowledged the Bridge Committee, Section Members and the SRC staff for their hard work to make the Section successful in organizing events. He added, tongue-in-cheek, that the section was so popular that everybody from the PR department wanted to be the coordinator for the bridge section! In just the past year we have had Syqin, Sheryn, Arwen and now, Siti.
The elections were then held and all positions were uncontested.
Position 2007/8 In-Coming 2006/7 Out-Going
Convenor Shamim Moledina Carlton Parker
Vice-Convenor B. K. Tham Shamim Moledina
Treasurer Pat Leong B. K. Tham
Secretary Adelene de Roza Richard Lim
Editor Zain Moledina Zain Moledina

In-coming Convenor Shamim thanked all those present. This is the first time that the committee has had more ladies than men. She believes that with 2 “brand-new” members, the committee will be able to come up with new ideas to spur the section forward.

3. SRC 7th Annual Open Teams Tournament – 19th August
Once again the tournament was a bedrock of excitement enhanced by the round by round “Live” display of the results on the overhead screen. By dinnertime and halfway through the round robin tournament of 35 boards, the teams were segregated into different bands. Defending Champions SRC Rouge et Noir held a narrow lead over SRC Amigos Para Siempra. Further behind and jostling for 3rd was SRC Pawn and D’Rakes,
It was neck to neck right down to the wire with everything at stake in the final round where coincidentally, each team was playing against their nemesis. Shrugging off the challenge, both Rouge et Noir and Pawn convincingly won their last round and cemented their position with SRC Blues sneaking in ahead of D’Rakes to make it a clean sweep for SRC. Social Chairman, Mr, Richard Yong proudly presented the prizes.
1st SRC Rouge et Noir – Zain Moledina (Capt), Shamim Moledina, Dr. Trevor Li,
Caio Feilhaber
2nd SRC Amigos Para Siempra -- N. W. Leong (Capt), Pat Leong, Dr. Siak, Tanny Siak
3rd SRC Pawn – Prof. Yu Chun Yee (Capt), Greg Basmadjian, Zhang Ping,
Shawn Tham
4th SRC Blues – Carlton Parker (Capt), Chris Wong, Dorothy Wong, Nancy Oh
Crossword Puzzle (see below) Ron Savage. Consolation Koh Sei Hian, Rahim Rahmat
Co-Directors : Carlton Parker & Zain Moledina

4. SRC Inaugural In-House Handicap Pairs – 18th Sept
In an innovative move to ensure that every section member has a chance to win, a “handicap” pairs event was held. A percentage was allocated to each SRC player based on past results – from 0% to 8% -- which was then added to the scratch percentage attained.
The 7 pairs played only 18 boards (nett) and there were several first–time partnerships to spice up the misunderstandings! The element of luck therefore played bigger role.
In a rare streak of coincidence, the scratch results showed that 2 pairs were tied for first and 3 pairs tied for third!! However, once the handicap was added, the results were as follows:-

1st Zain Moledina (0) & Florence Tan (5) 59.7 + 5 = 64.7%
2nd N. W Leong (2) & Pat Leong (2) 59.7 + 4 = 63.7%
3rd Richard Lim (2.7) & B K Tham (3) 47.2 + 5.7 = 52.9%
4th Dorothy Wong (1.5) & Greg B (1) 47.2 + 2.5 = 49.7%
5th Yu Chun Yee (0) & Shamim Moledina (0.5) 47.2 + 0.5 = 47.7%
Special thanks to Carl for calculating the handicap and the computer scoring

5. Advanced Training – Oct 7th Onwards
The Bridge Committee is extremely pleased and proud to announce that we have engaged Mr. L L Wong to help in the training of our experienced Section Members. We have initially engaged him for a series of 5 lessons every Sunday at 2pm on October 7th, 14th, 21st + 2 more dates to be announced.

L L (as he is called) is widely recognised as among the very best players in Singapore with countless victories to his credit. Among his regional successes include winning the Indonesia Open Teams in 1990. He was also three-time Open Pairs champion at the Malaysia Open. He also was runners-up in the Pesta Sukan Super Pairs to the famous Hackett brothers from England by a mere half a match point.
His non-playing profile includes being Chairman of Chess and Bridge society in Nanyang University, coach for Singapore Ladies team for Venice Cup in Estorial (Portugal 05), coach for victorious Singapore Youth Team in the PABF (06) which later won the bronze medal in the World Championships (07).
Glad to have you on board, L L!

6. Tanglin Club Double Teams Invitational – 18th August
As defending champions, we were once again invited to the 2nd Annual Double Teams event. This time, however, we were pipped into second place by the home team. Japan Club was third. Congratulations to our team of Carlton Parker (Capt), Chris Wong, B. K. Tham, Richard Lim, Prof. Yu Chun Yee, Zhang Ping, Dr. Trevor Li & Zain Moledina.

7. Serangoon Gardens President Cup – 9th Sept
Have you ever played bridge when the cards were NOT shuffled and dealt out 3 and 4 at a time? Well, it is called “goulash” and it is sometimes done in friendlies to “spice” up the game and arguments! The unsuspecting 25 pairs who took part were definitely in for a surprise! Perhaps shock is a better word!
Our bouquets and brickbats (depending on how well you did!) go to Serangoon Gardens Country Club for this daring experiment in their annual open pairs event. Almost every hand had 7, 8 or even 9-card suits and voids were as common as the puzzled look on the bridge players faces. Distribution probability theory had taken a day off.
It was clearly the day for conservative bidders as many contracts succumbed to 5-0 trump splits and first round ruffs. As the dust finally settled on this most interesting 26 boards, our newly installed convener, Shamim and her partner Murli were runners-up just behind the Chias. Congratulations!
1st CL Chia & BY Chia (CSC) 67.99%
2nd Shamim Moledina (SRC) & Murli Vassanmal (SRC) 67.04%
3rd LL Wong & CC Ting (SCBA) 64.20%
4th Prof. Yu Chun Yee (SRC) & Zhang Ping 63.25%
They were followed by Eric & Alice Luk (CSC), Chua Gang & C C Seet (SCBA), Lilio & Thong (SCBA), Mohammed & Trevor, Pat & Leong (SRC) and Caio & Zain (SRC).

8. CSC In-House Handicap Pairs – 12th August
We are pleased to report that our SRC members who are also members of Chinese Swimming Club did very well in their In-house Handicap Pairs Event. Murli was runners-Up and Pat & Leong took 3rd. Congratulations!
1. Sng TC & Foo DW 61.25%
2. Alice Luk & Murli Vassanmal 56.67%
3. Pat Leong & Leong NW 55.00%

9. Bridge Rules of Thumb
We end our series on bridge tips with these …
1. When the dummy has a 5-card suit or more, consider setting it up for discards.
2. Consider delaying drawing trumps when dummy has some trumping power.
3. Lose the "inevitable" losers to set up your tricks before the "maybes."
4. Picture the traveling score slip and don't settle for a bid or play that will give you a below-average score.
5. When in doubt, bid.

10. Genting Bridge Escapade #9 – August 12th to 16th
Yes, it was another quick getaway to Genting with a full coach of 26. Three friendly games were arranged in-between the many activities available. Special thanks to Pat and Veronica for being floating partners.
Day 1 : 1st Leong & Zain 2nd Yu & Ping 3rd Rana & Shamim 4th Nagiah & Sara
Day 2 : 1st Yu & Ping 2nd Pat & Shamim 3rd Ron S & Dorothy 4th Helen Cheng & Ron Oh
Day 3 : 1st Yu & Ping 2nd Leong & Shamim 3rd Adelene & Helen Tham 4th Ron Oh & RonS
Special mention goes to Pat & 82-years-young Mr. Yeo for coming in 6th on the final day!
Anagram Puzzle Prize : Nancy Oh Consolation : Pat Leong

11. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Aug 7th to Sep 11th
DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
7th Aug Evelyn/Yung Yu/Ping Zain/Caio
21st Aug Molly/Jenny James/Jin_Meng Nancy/RonOh
28th Aug Dulari/Anu B_K/Richard Carl/Chris
4th Sep Carl/Chris Zain/Shawn Shamim/Dulari
11th Sep Evelyn/Nancy EngChoo/RonOh Carl/Chris

Points to Ponder – Points to Ponder – Points to Ponder
12. I Think that I Think
The greatest obstacle to become a good bridge player is not ignorance -- it is the illusion of knowledge.

13. Between the Lines
A good bridge player hears one bid and understands two.

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

14. Three Reason Why Men Prefer Bridge
No one will ever tell you that you will go blind if you play bridge by yourself.
It is perfectly acceptable to play bridge with a total stranger.
Your partner won’t mind if you have a beer during Bridge.

15. Three Reasons Why Women Prefer Bridge
When playing bridge, everybody finishes at the same time.
When you see a really good bridge player, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you together.
The phrase "could be short" carries no negative connotations.
16. Daffy-Nit-Shuns - Bridge
Bridge is a weapon of mass distraction. (For more puns, visit http://feghoots.blogspot,com )

17. Struggling in the Mud
Bridge Players don’t get much respect. We are ranked right there at the bottom with the Lawyers, Politicians and Financial Consultants.

18. Getting Physical
I have read several Bridge Books but I find them impossible to understand. The only thing useful I did with them was when I utilized a simple squeeze to endplay an irritating fly.
19.

1 2 3 4

5 6
7
8 9
10
11 12 13
14
15 16

17
© Developed for SRC Bridge Section by Zain Moledina. All rights reserved.
Across
1 Convention used when opponents interfere with partner’s 1NT opening.
5 It is a legal bid as long as your partner is equally confused.
6 A throw-in is a form of ____-play.
8 The governing bridge body in Singapore is the S____.
9 A player _____ when he has a suit but fails to follow.
11 SRC’s 2005 Inter-Club Team name.
13 The 11-across team came in _____.
15 A bid which shows first round control in a suit.
16 It is better to register early for an event than to _____-___ on the day itself.
17 A _____ ____ bid asks partner for help in a particular denomination.
Down
1 When the auction is over, the ____ ___ ____ becomes the trumps.
2 If a revoke is not established, the revoker has to take the card ____.
3 The director has the right to penalize a player who makes too much _____.
4 A popular lead against NT contracts is from the ______ ____.
7 Common opening leads from 3-card suits without honours are MUD and ____.
10 Blackwood is used to ___ for aces.
12 An “Average Minus” score is usually _____ to 40% of the maximum points available for the hand.
14 Bridge master or teacher, maybe.

20. Daffy-nit-shuns - Bridge
Bridge : Extremely addictive and only curable by death

21. How’s That Again?
I always advise my Bridge partner not to give advice.

22. Confusion Says …
Man must try everything once …. except bridge and suicide.

23. Delivering the Male
Playing Bridge is an old English tradition, like unwed mothers.

24. Daffy-nit-shuns – Singaporean
A Singaporean is someone who thinks Bridge is something you cross over.

25. Queen of Diamonds Off-side
My biggest mistake at the Bridge Tournament was to let my wife go shopping by herself.

26. Final Resting Place
Bridge is the last resort for those who don't know how to idle.

27. Inspiration from Above
There will be times when playing a bridge hand, you will be stuck. Should I finesse? Should I play for a drop? Maybe I should eliminate a suit first? But perhaps I should draw trumps first? Just in case, should I duck one round to rectify the count?

In such tough situations, go down on your knees, put your hands together, close your eyes, bow your head and ask yourself "What would Curly do?"
(for the benefit of the younger generation, Curly was a member of the slapstick trio, The 3 Stooges)

28. Pass One Club
I don't want to belong to any (bridge) club that will accept me as a member.
- Groucho Marx or Woody Allen

29. Crossword Answers
Across : 1. Lebensohl 5. Psychic 6. End 8. CBA 9. Revokes 11. Odyssey
13. 4 th 15. Cue 16. QueueUp 17. Trial Suit
Down : 1. Last Bid Suit 2. Back 3. Noise 4, Longest Suit 7. TON 10. Ask
12. Equal 14. Guru

Zain Moledina – Editor October 1st 2007
Email : zaris@pacific.net.sg
Archives: http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com/

Grandslam #30

2007-12-04T15:11:00.000+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
MAR/APR 05 ISSUE #30

Message from the Convenor – Shamim Moledina

With this 30th issue of the GRANDSLAM we also commemorate the completion of 5 years as a Bridge Section of SRC. It is a little frightening to look beyond that point in time. A time when bridge was barely an “activity” here with perhaps 2 players and a handful of “graduates” from the Beginner class. It is so heartening to see these same people occasionally beating their “teacher” in tournaments!

I am happy to announce that we have registered a team for the 2005 Inter-club for the first time. Unfortunately, 2 of our most experienced members have already been seconded to play for other teams. Nevertheless, our objectives are to make a start and to gain experience. If we also manage to do well, that will be a bonus. We have called ourselves “Odyssey” because, without doubt, we expect a lot of challenges along the way. Hopefully, not “aimless wandering” as BK says! I am grateful to Zain for putting aside his personal objectives and agreeing to head our team and to BK (Deputy Captain) for his tireless effort to prop up the group.

2. Five Years of THE GRANDSLAM by Zain

The decision to have a bridge newsletter was made at the very first meeting of the ad-hoc Bridge Section. While the club’s RECs magazine could briefly cover major tournaments and activities, it was felt that a section newsletter would keep our members and bridge friends more fully informed on the numerous other section activities, committee decisions and minor tournaments that our members participate in.
Based on readers’ feedback, this basic format was later expanded to include articles, history, events, puzzles and jokes.
Initially, the puzzle section covered interesting hands I had personally played. As these instructional hands are commonly available in bridge books and bridge columns, the puzzle section evolved into a more varied format with crosswords, Q&A, strange hands and even puzzle jokes. After the “peeping duck” puzzle joke, I actually overhead someone call the declarer those words after he banged down the A & K and dropped a doubleton queen against the odds, establishing the Jack.
Needless to say, the jokes are the most popular part of the newsletter … c’est la vie! Where do they come from? About a quarter are shamelessly lifted directly from the Internet. About half are non-bridge jokes that I have modified to fit into the bridge context. The rest I invent myself.
Happy reading!

3. CSC Lunar New Year Special - 12 Feb
18 Pairs took part in the CNY celebrations at Chinese Swimming Club.

1st T S Lu & Lilio Ho (SCBA) 60.9%
2nd Zain Moledina & Richard Lim (SRC) 60.2%
3rd Robin Fong & Luk Eric (CSC) 59.6%
4th Greta Chai & Jane Choo (SCBA) 59.1%

4. SGCC Loving Hearts – 13 Feb

12 Pairs participated at this Valentine Invitational at Serangoon Gardens.
1st Peng Huat & Ron Quan
2nd Carlton Parker & Chris Wong (SRC)
3rd Alan Chua & Suan Lin

5. History of Bridge – The Original 4 Suits
In Europe, the four suits did not appear until mid 14th century in France. They were originally used in Tarot Cards as the Holy Grail symbols according to Dan Brown in “The Da Vinci Code”.
Spades were Swords denoting the Blade -- the “Male”
Hearts were Cups denoting the Chalice - the “Feminine”
Diamonds were Pentacles (5-pointed star) denoting the Goddess – the Sacred Feminine
Clubs were Sceptres denoting the Royal Line – the Flowering Staff.
The references to the Grail were replaced by the relative importance of the various classes in the Middle Ages.
Royalty or Military as Spades
Clergy as Hearts
Merchants as Diamonds
Peasants as Clubs
In India, the Hindu four-caste system was also reflected in the cards. The suits denoted Brahmin (priest), Kshatriya (warrior),
Vaishya (trader/producer) and Shudra (labourer).
Next time you shuffle a pack of cards, take a second to ponder the rich heritage that is passing through your fingers.

6. Quotes From Literature – Signal

Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness
- The Theologian’s Tale, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I have the right to be blind sometimes
I really do not see the signal
- At the Battle of Copenhagen, Horatio, Lord Nelson

How can I tell the signals and the signs?
By which one heart another heart divines?
- Emma and Eginhard, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

7. Did You Know?
Holland teaches bridge as a subject in public schools.

8. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results – 2nd Nov to Dec 28th
DATE Pairs FIRST SECOND THIRD
Jan 4 10 BK/Helen Shamim/Yu Carl/Zain
Jan 11 9 Kan/Nick Rahim/RonS = PengHuat/RonO
Jan 18 10 Chia/Molly Carl/Yu Leong/Pat=Koh/RonO
Jan 21* 13 PengHuat/RonO Shamim/Zain Carl/Chris
Jan 25 12 John/Rae David/EngChoo Chia/Jenny
Feb 1 10 Rahim/RonS David/EngChoo BK/Helen
Feb 10**11 Dorothy/RonS Lucy/Shamim Yu/Ping
Feb 15 10 Yu/Ping Shamim/BK PengHuat/RonO
Feb 22 6 David/Adrain Pat/Helen Chai/Jenny
* Hari Raya Special ** Chinese NY Special

9. Beginner Bridge Class
A Beginner class will commence on 8th April. There is no charge for SRC members and a nominal charge for guests. A new shorter format is being used for the first time with the emphasis on play. On completion of this course and based on the response, a follow-up course may be held to formalise the bidding and expand the scope. Sign up your friends!

10. Puzzle -- Silent Partner (sneaky)
West handled the dummy with flawless technique and overcame several bad breaks to fulfill his five-club contract. What was West’s occupation? (Answer below)

11. Bridge Puzzle – 1SXXC With No Honours (tough)
Can you create a bridge hand where North/South makes 1SXX (Redoubled) against ANY defense? The catch? N/S hands must have NO honour cards at all – no Aces, Kings, Queens, Jacks and Tens. For the masochists amongst you, can you figure out how such a bid could have logically (?) come about? (Answer below)

L I g h t e r S I d e O f B r I d g e

12. Timely Wish
A very old bridge player died and went to heaven. There he met God who said to him “I have been watching you play bridge for 50 years and never once in your life did you ever get angry with your partner. I am impressed. I will therefore grant you one wish.”

The old man replied “What you say is true. But how is it possible that you can watch me for 50 years when you also have to watch everyone else in the universe as well.”

God replied “Your 50 years is a but tiny fraction of a second to me. Now tell me your wish.”
The old man replied “I want to be the best bridge player in Heaven.”

God smiled and replied “Your wish is granted … in a minute.”

13. Special Bidding Cards
We occasionally use the “STOP” and “ALERT” cards. But there are times when you really need something to protect yourself against the worst opponent on the table – your wonderful partner!

“BOZO THE CLOWN” Card : To be used only once per person per tournament. It allows your partner to retract his idiotic bid without penalty and try again.

“GUILOTTINE” Card : To be used when your crazy partner makes a vulnerable sacrifice against non-vulnerable opponents. It incurs a 1-trick penalty but disallows the opponents from doubling.

“UNDOUBLE” Card : When your confused partner passes your “Take Out” Double. The Double is cancelled with 1 trick penalty.

“POOL OF VOMIT” Card : When your partner jumps to game on your psyche bid. The hand is cancelled and you get just average minus.

14. Bridge and Money
The best investment I ever made in my life is teaching my wife how to play bridge. She plays terribly but who cares! I must have saved a fortune keeping her away from shopping.

15. Quotes from George Burns
Those of us who grew up in the 60s will remember straight faced, cigar smoking George Burns. Together with his zany wife, Gracie, they were amongst the first to originate the TV comedy sitcom. As George got older, he specialised in “old age” jokes. Much less known is George’s passion for Bridge and we are fortunate to have a small legacy of his bridge jokes, a few of which are listed below.
“Bridge is my game and I play it seriously. Not well … just seriously.”

“I still lose my temper sometimes when I’m playing – that’s one of the only parts I have left to lose.”

“Now, I also have this belief I can only get mad at people I love; if I don’t care about them, why should I get angry?”

“One day I was playing bridge with a new member of my club. He made a foolish move and maybe I overreacted and said some things I shouldn’t have said. He got up and promised, “Mr. Burns, I’ll never talk to you again,” then walked out of the room. He couldn’t do that to me. “Listen,” I yelled after him, you don’t know me well enough not to talk to me again.”

“I did try to teach Gracie how to play bridge. Believe me, it would have been easier to teach her how to build a bridge.”

16. Creative Counting
If God wanted us to play Bridge, he would have given us 13 fingers.

17. Reverse Logic
Of course I can play Reverse Bids, partner. Any idiot knows how to open Club One.

18. Songs of Bridge

Bridge Over Troubled Water — Bridge cruise to exciting destinations like Iraq, Afghanistan and North Korea.

It’s Not Unusual — partner’s scream after you misinterpret his 2 NT bid.

Monday, Monday — what you wish for after losing Sunday’s game.

Somethin’ Stupid — whichever line of play you decide to take.

Till the End of Time — normal duration before admitting your bridge mistakes.

19. Puzzle Answer -- Silent Partner

Ventriloquist! Mr. George West had signed a contract to perform with his dummy at five different nightclubs, which he managed to fulfill despite some hardships. Did I mention bridge? Read it again.

20. Answer to Bridge Puzzle – 1SXXC With No Honours

S 9 8 7 6 5 1S makes on a cross-ruff
H void with a red card lead. If CA
D void is led, it must be allowed to
C 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 win to avoid being stuck in
S void S A K Q J T dummy after 3 ruffs in hand
H Q J T 9 8 7 H A K
D Q J T 9 8 7 D A K Try to imagine this bidding
C A C K Q J T scenario! S opens a psychic
S 4 3 2 1S and W with a 4-loser
H 6 5 4 3 2 hand, doubles. While N is
D 6 5 4 3 2 thinking, over-excited E
C void bids out of turn. His partner
W is now barred from the auction. N (with good trump support and a 6-loser hand!) redoubles. W, confused about who exactly is barred (“I didn’t do anything wrong, how can I be barred?”) now bids out of turn and therefore his partner, E, is now also barred from bidding. S, with nowhere to run, passes. (Puzzle copyright to Technology Review)

21. The Broken Whine
Disagreement is the shortest cut between two minds -- Kahlil Gibran

22. Foul Ball

Of course Bridge is a sport. In fact, there is more swearing and cursing in bridge than in a football locker room.

23. Daffy-nit-shuns : Bath Coup

Bath Coup — getting to use the tub before your roommate.

24. Daffy-nit-shuns : Doubleton

Doubleton — 4,000 pounds.

25. Bridge Limerick - Bess

There once was a lady named Bess,
Who found a new way to finesse.
She made up excuses
To lead up to deuces,
And loses without having to guess!

26. Till the End of Time

Millions long for immortality. Yet on a rainy Sunday, have nothing better to do than to watch TV and shop (or play bridge?).

Zain Moledina
Editor
zaris@pacific.net.sg
March 1st 2005

Grandslam #29

2007-12-04T15:10:00.000+08:00

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
JAN/FEB 05 ISSUE #29

1. Message from the Convenor – Shamim Moledina
Happy New Year! Another year gone and much water under the bridge, so to speak. The end of the year usually brings a flood of tournaments, but this year was exceptional. I am happy to note that some our members managed to attend several of those. It is important to keep the highest ethical and behavioral standards when playing at these matches as any lapses will reflect on SRC as well.
Our 5th Annual Pairs Event, as usual, had its share of surprises. After a run of 4 straight titles since 2000, we narrowly lost it this year to CSC. Nevertheless, I was satisfied with SRC’s runners up position through an impressive performance by BK and Leong. Not only that, but all 5 of our SRC pairs scored over 52% - a tribute to the depth of our players.
Once again, all the very best for the New Year.

2. SRC 5th Annual Open Pairs Tournament – 5th Dec
20 pairs competed in our premier pairs tournament of the year. A Howell 36-board movement was played with dinner in between.
Chinese Swimming Club won the Moledina Challenge Trophy through the efforts of TK Yap and Nick beating the newly formed partnership of BK Tham and Leong of SRC. PA was third through Ron Savage and Rahim with SRC’s Helen and Pat 4th. Tara/Dulari, Alan/Suan Lin, Shamim/Zain, Henry/Caio and Carl/Chris, David/Rana and Richard/Dot followed them.
Mr. Koh was the earliest to submit an all-correct answer to the Bridge Crossword Puzzle (see below), winning the pewter prize.
Special thanks go to Mr. Richard Yong for gracing the occasion and giving away the prizes and to Robin for a superb job as Director. Other contributors include Carl for the computer, souvenir programme, charts, Zain/Shamim for the prize, crossword puzzle, BK, Leong, Pamela, Sheryn, Victor and the staff of SRC for many organisational aspects of the tournament.

3. SICC Xmas Pairs – 16th Dec
The annual Xmas Pairs event at the Singapore Island CC once again attracted some of the best players Singapore had to offer. 34 Pairs competed in a mixed Mitchell movement.
The tournament was won by Poon Hua and CC Loo, followed by YS Chew/V Lim, Lam Ze Ying/Wong Choo Wai, Alan Sia/Kimiko Endo and Zain Moledina (SRC)/Ron Savage.
Note : V. Murli ( mvee@saniva.com.sg ) is the Convenor for Bridge at SICC and also a member of SRC Bridge Section. Please contact him for information on SICC Bridge.

4. SGCC Annual Pairs – 28th Nov
This tournament attracted 22 pairs. Barely 2% separated the top 5 places. The winner was Thong/Victor with Leo/Anne Sim second. Robin/Nick was third, Zain (SRC)/Rahim fourth and Peng Huat/Low fifth.

5. Peoples’ Association Annual Pairs – 20th Nov
This was held at the Freemason’s Masonic Hall – a place with a medieval atmosphere with cryptic and interesting displays depicting the rich and fascinating heritage of the society. Congratulations to Rahim Rahmat/Ron Savage of PA for winning with 70.8% followed by TK Yap and MK Kang (CSC) and Ron Oh/SH Koh (PA). The Siaks were 4th followed by Krishna/Zain (PA/SRC).

6. Siglap CC Bridge Friendly cum Karaoke – 27th Nov
16 pairs competed in this game. Congratulations to David & Adrian for winning. Second was Ron Savage/Henry and Ron Oh/Veronica third. Richard (SRC)/Michael were 4th and Carl (SRC)/Chris (SRC) were 5th. There were no losers in the Karaoke session that followed.

7. Changi Beach Club Revival – 9th Dec
After a dormant period of 3 years, CBC’s Bridge group is once again beginning to stir. For more information, please contact Veronica at may5nui@yahoo.com.sg or Eng Choo at eng_choo_tan@lta.gov.sg. The inaugural game was held on Dec 9th with the popping of champagne (non-alcoholic, of course) and a nostalgic reunion of bridge friends. The friendly game that followed had Susan/Dr. Wong of CBC sharing first place with Shamim/Zain (SRC) with Eng Choo/Rosilind (CBC) third.

8. SRC New Year Bridge Party – 31st Dec
The party had food, funny hats, poppers, music, and lots of noise from the other parties. It was a miracle if anyone could concentrate on the game. Then again, no one actually took the game seriously. Those that somehow managed to keep some degree of sanity in the chaos were:
1st Lawrence/Zain 2nd Rana/Shamim 3rd Dulari/Tara

9. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results – 2nd Nov to Dec 28th
DATE Pairs FIRST SECOND THIRD
2 Nov 10 Maureen/B.K. Shamim/Murli Molly/Jane
9 Nov 8 Dulari/Shamim Sri/Siva Khrisna/Zain=Molly/RonOh
11 Nov* 11 Yu/Ping Dot/Richard Ron S/Zain
16 Nov 8 PengHuat/Alan Khrisna/Caio Dulari/Zain
23 Nov 11 Dulari/Zain PengHuat/Alan Rana/Jenny
30 Nov 15 PengHuat/RonOh Zain/Dulari **Nancy/Alan
7 Dec 6 RonS/Zain Rana/Ciao Molly/RonOh
14 Dec 7 Dulari/Shamim Yu/Rana Pat/Leong
21 Dec 9 Jenny/Shamim=BK/Helen=Jane/Nancy**
28 Dec 10 Murli/Shamim Zain/Joli **ChiaKimSer/Jenny
*Deepavali Game **Well Done Nancy & Chia! Keep it up!

10. 18th Singapore Inter-Club Bridge League 2004
This event was from April to November. Although SRC did not submit a team, several members participated under other banners to gain experience. The teams were PA (A), PA (B), CHLRXY and Siglap CC.
Team Results as follows :-
Div 1: 1st Bridge Bears 168pts 2nd Friends of Sheep 167pts
3rd Bell 160 4th NTU Staff 145pts
Div 2: 1st NUSS (Red) 203pts 2nd Bozzetto (Rosso) 151pts
3rd NUSS (Blue) 137pts 4th NUS Students A 131pts
Div 3: 1st SICC Blue 211pts 2nd Japan Club 208pts
3rd People’s Assn B 197pts 4th CHLRXY 192pts

11. Hot Iceland
Did you know that Iceland’s tiny population of 300,000 produced the world Championship-winning Bridge team in 1991? This volcanic island in the middle of the Atlantic shocked the world by beating the mighty USA and Italy. Is Singapore pumping money into the wrong sports?

12. Bridge - Still Competing After All These Years
Like most people, I played many sports in my younger days.
Unlike most people, I also learnt Bridge.
When age slowly crept up, I had to accept the reality of physical sports. Greater experience was no longer able to offset increasing age. At country or even club level competition, most soccer and tennis players are well past their prime at 40 and even golfers and bowlers have to move away from “open” matches by 50.
This is where intellectual games like chess and bridge have a clear edge. While others are headed down, the bridge player peaks! As long as his brain does not let him down, he can be at the top of his game well past 65. Long after those in the physical sports have become social players or couch potatoes, the bridge player is still out there in the thick of open competition, playing eye to eye with people who are his grandchildren’s age. No handicap taken and no handicap given. What a game!

13. Quotes From Classic Literature – “Double”

They Doubly redoubled strikes upon the for
– Macbeth, William Shakespeare

So double was his pain, so double be his praise
– The Faerie Queen, Edmund Spenser

Truth from his lips prevailed with double sway,
And fools, who came to scoff, remained to pay.
-- The Deserted Village, Oliver Goldsmith

They took me from my wife, and to save trouble
I wed again, and made the error double.
-- The Exile, John Clare

14. Bridge Crossword Puzzle- developed by Zain Moledina

This easy Crossword was created for use at the 5th Annual SRC Pairs Tournament on 5th December 2004. Target completion time: 10 Minutes.

1 2 3 4 5
6
7
8

9 10
11
12 13
14
15

16

Across Clues
1. Bridge partners sit _______ (8) each other.
7. The Bridge Section of the Singapore __________ (10) Club organized this tournament.
9, 10. Bridge is a ____ (4) that requires memory, planning, communication and many other ______ (6).
12. Often the declarer has to ______ (6) play for a finesse or a drop.
13. There are twelve ________ (4) cards in a pack.
15. 8NT is an _______ ___ (7,3).
16. In certain tournaments, a computer ________ (8) the hands.

Down Clues
2. Opening bids at the three level are usually ________ (10).
3. Most players ____ (4) their cards by suit and rank.
4. A courteous declarer always ______ (6) his partner when he puts down his cards as dummy.
5. When holding an Ace and Queen, a declarer often _____ (9) the Right-Hand opponent for the King.
6. A declarer sometimes plays a higher card than necessary. By __________ (10) the opponents, he occasionally gains an advantage.
8. A Splinter bid indicates that partner is _______ (8) with the trump suit, has a singleton and is interested in slam.
11. The person who bids first is the _____ (6).
14. A bridge player must be somewhat familiar with probabilities so that he has an ____ (4) on how the suits will break.

L I g h t e r S I d e O f B r I d g e
15, Lying Lion Bully Bull

Bridge seems to be a game where everybody thinks that they are qualified to dish out advice. Before doing so, remember the story of the Lion and the Bull.
After eating an entire bull, the lion felt so proud and great that he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

16. Spontaneous Love
Al’s marriage was going downhill and asked his friend, Bill’s advice. After some discussion, it was clear to Bill that the passion had gone out of Al’s marriage. He suggested to Al that he had to show his wife spontaneous love and passion and he had to do it immediately as soon as he went home.
Al agreed.
A few days later, Bill met Al again and asked him how it went.
“Well” said Al, “my wife was quite surprised, but unfortunately 2 ladies in her bridge group fainted.”

17. Entrance Criteria-by Zain

A lady vet who worked at the SPCA had the unenviable task to put down unwanted stray dogs, mostly the female bitches. When she died, she saw St. Peter blocking the gates of heaven.
“What was your job?” asked St. Peter
The vet put her head down shamefully and replied softly, “I am a bitch slayer”
“WHAT! What did you say?” shouted St. Peter angrily.
The vet replied meekly “I am sorry, but I am a bitch slayer.”
“Oh, I misheard you. Come on in. I thought you said ‘bridge player’”

18. Friendly Foe
“My bridge partner hasn’t an enemy in the world. It is just that all his friends hate him.”

19. Trade-off
3 Bridge Convenors were discussing bridge section membership of their respective clubs.
The first one said “We got 2 new members last month”
The second one said “We did better, We got 3 new members last month”
The third one said, “ We did even better. We got rid of our 5 most quarrelsome members last month.”
20. Ideal Partner?
A person who will support me even if I am wrong.

21. Majority Opinion
“Just because someone agrees with my partner doesn't make him right. It just means there's someone else out there as stupid as him.”

22. Limits of Error
Sam: OK, so what if I have made a mistake. There are worse things than making a bridge mistake”
Joe: Yes, lunacy and death

23. Winners Take More
It's not enough to win the tricks that belong to you. Try also for some that belong to the opponents.
Alfred Sheinwold

24. Painful Bridge
If you have the slightest touch of masochism you'll love this game.

25. Daffy-nit-shuns – Jack Denies Queen
Jack Denies Queen — headlines about Marilyn Monroe’s relationship with J.F.K.

26. Saving the Best for Last
Since the average person's small supply of politeness must last him all his life, he can't afford to waste it on bridge partners.
Alfred Sheinwold

27. Bridge Crossword Puzzle – Answers
Across : 1. OPPOSITE 7. RECREATION 9. GAME
10. SKILLS 12. EITHER 13. FACE
15. INVALID BID16.ARRANGES
Down : 2. PREEMPTIVE 3. SORT 4. THANKS
5. FINESSES 6. MISLEADING 8. AGREEING
11. DEALER 14. IDEA

28. End Play
Bridge players never die. They just “pass” away.

Zain Moledina
Editor
zaris@pacific.net.sg
January 1 2005