The Grandslam #57 Oct/Nov 09

THE GRANDSLAM

SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER

                                    October/November 09 ISSUE #57

                                        (Special Medical-Bridge Jokes Issue)

1. Message from the Incoming Convenor – Shamim Moledina

Thank you for your support and I am happy to take responsibility as the Convenor of the Bridge Section. I sincerely hope that others would volunteer their time and join the Committee so that we can have new ideas and lighten our load. I am very passionate about Bridge and I hope that in spite of my health and personal issues, I will continue to be able to serve in the committee in future. 

During my term, I would like to concentrate on the novices and inactive members. The Committee has decided that from Jan 2010, experienced players will partner a novice at least once a month. In this context, we held an In-house Individual bridge game on Hari Raya just between our members. As the feedback was extremely positive, we intend to do this more often.

To cater for inactive members, we will continue to subsidise social events where they can interact with active players and hopefully start playing soon. We are sponsoring 50% for the Divali Club Nite and our Penang Escapade.

2. Pesta Sukan Asian Bridge Championships 2009 7^th-10^th August

In Singapore’s premier regional tournament, we did not submit a Team but Prof Yu and Zain represented SRC in both the Open and Mixed Pairs. It was a solid performance all round with Prof Yu and partner Ping capping it with the Bronze in the Mixed Pairs (see picture).

Open Pairs (Singapore unless otherwise stated)

1^st Lam Ze Ying & Lan Foo 65.89%

2^nd Hidayattulah & Frangky B Liogu 65.88% (Indonesia)

3^rd Ricky Palandeng & Peter Tora Wang 62.28% (Indonesia)

4^th Romulus Tan & Desmond Oh 60.00%

5^th Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) 59.54%

 Mixed Pairs

1^st Jenny Lee & Romulus Tan 69.67% 

2^nd Lam Ze Ying & Wong Choo Wai 61.41%

3^rd Zhang Ping & Yu Chun Yee (SRC)  60.15% 

4^th Karol Crouse & Zain Moledina (SRC) 59.64%

5^th Jane Choo & Chua Gang 59.37% 

Open Teams

1^st International: Wong Choo Wai, Derek Maggs, Endo Kimiko, Alan Sia

2^nd Friends of Sheep: Chua Gang, Kelvin Ng, Pooh Hua, Loo Choon Chou, Ng Yong Hao, Zhang Yukun

3^rd Pastel: Sugiharto, Victor Abadi, Lucky Kosasih, LL Wong, Lilio H.

3. National Bridge League 2009 – Final Result

After flying high last year when we won both our division and the Swiss, we were down to ground level this year. We managed 4^th position in the Swiss (The Bridge Bears won the KO Cup). In the league, we won 4 matches, drew 1 and lost 3 to end in 5^th place (X-Men won our Division).

2009 Active Team Members are Zain Moledina (Capt). Prof Yu Chun Yee (V. Capt), Prof C C Chen, Dr. Trevor Li, Shamim Moledina, Zhang Ping & Karol Crouse.

4. SRC Hari Raya In-house Individual Special – 20^th Sept

Individual Bridge tournaments require a change of partners after every round (to a dreamy melody?). Systems have to be kept simple and luck plays a larger role. On the positive side, it is a great opportunity to play with different people. Who knows? You might just find a regular partner in the shuffle! Nice food, good friends and 33 boards of bridge – surely there were no losers today. Thanks to Terence Sheperdson, SRC’s Games Control Chairman, for giving away the prizes.

1^st Shamim Moledina 61.4%    2nd Adelene de Rosa 60.6%     3rd Zain Moledina 59.1%

Top Newbie: Ong Cheng Huat

5. KKCC Hari Raya Potluck Special – 21^st Sept

Lots of food and laughter accompanied this Kampong Kembangan CC’s game. As there was ample time during the leisurely dinner, it was also an occasion to catch up with news and upcoming plans – the latter included a trip to Antarctica! I am reasonably sure penguins don’t play bridge as they seem too well dressed.

1^st Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) 68.5%    2^nd Eric & Alice Luk 61.5%

3^rd Alan Chua & Phyllis Wong 57.0% tied with David Ong & Ron Savage 57.0%

6. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Aug 4 to Sep 29       

DATE              FIRST                                       SECOND                         THIRD               .

Aug 4          Hong Choon/Yuet Wah         Jing Meng/Petrina    Nancy/Ron Oh        

Aug 11        CC Chen/Zain                 Pat/Leong tied with Alex/Firoz

Aug 18*      Derek Maggs/Zain                 Karol/Pheck         Anne Loh/Punawan    

Aug 25        Ping/Yu                           B K/Richard tied with Anne Loh/Purnawan 

Sep 1           Ping/Yu                                    BK/Richard                Ai Leng/Rana

Sep 8           Rana/Ai Leng               BK/Richard     Nancy/Ron Oh tied Pat/Leong  

Sep 15         Shamim/Thomas                       CC Chen/Zain     Petrina/Jing Meng   

Sep 22         David Chew/Peng Huat             CC Chen/Zain            Ai Leng/Rana

Sep 29**     CC Chen/Zain                           Shamim/Thomas             Yu/Ping  

*Welcome to SCBA Hon Secretary and SRC Liaison Derek Maggs for joining us on Aug 18.

**Delighted to have Ms Stella Ee, 86, the oldest active lady bridge player in Singapore join us on Sep 29. She took a break from her Tuesday Tai Chi and came a credible 5^th with partner David Ong.

7. Why Play at SRC?

Care for some bridge on Tuesday evening? Come join our weekly game at 7.30pm at the Singapore Recreation Club. Why? How about these 7 reasons.

1. Quality: Run by SCBA Qualified Directors.

2, Timeliness: Get full Results the very next day on email.

3. Transparent Detailed Information: We use a fantastic scoring program that gives you full hand by hand performance of what exactly you bid and made against what others bid and made.

4. Value: Free for everybody and also some munchies.

5. Convenience: Just a 2 minute walk from City Hall MRT.

6. Partner finding service: Just call/email/sms by Monday morning and we will try to find one.

7. Friendly: We take the game seriously but not ourselves.

As space is limited to 7 Tables, please contact Shamim 64486664/96462786.

8. 2009 Bridge Escapade to Penang – 18^th to 21^st October

This free and easy trip will be partially subsidised for SRC bridge members. Others are most welcome to join. We will sightsee during the day and play bridge in the evening at the Penang Sports Club with our Malaysian friends. Email zaris@singnet.com.sg for details.

9. SRC Divali Club Nite – 10^th Oct

The bridge section will subsidise half of this function for SRC bridge members. Have a great night out and be entertained in this colourful gala event. Email zaris@singnet.com.sg for details and reserve a spot. Others are also welcome subject to availability.

10. Director’s Dilemma

Two years ago, SRC bridge section decided that it was high time to inject some professionalism into the games at our club. We decided to encourage members to attend the SCBA Director Course and to subsidise them if they pass. Previously, our games, like those at most clubs in Singapore, were run by an experienced player. Somehow the idea developed, not surprisingly, that an experienced player is also knowledgeable in the rules. I had an encounter recently when a “director” did not even know when a card is considered played! No consultation with others. No check with the rule book. Make a decision and walk off! Yes, I have become painfully aware of the poor knowledge of bridge laws outside the SCBA, Hopefully this article will spur clubs to recognize this as a real problem and resolve it.

A fundamental misconception among social players is that the director is “on the side” of the person who called the director. The role of the director is to fairly implement the law. In fact, the director should go out of his way to understand the inexperienced player’s side because the law-savvy player may be better able to state his case.

Social players usually dislike anyone calling the director. They either want to gloss over the matter or try to resolve it among themselves. They fail to realise that this is not only illegal but possibly unfair. Without the presence of a neutral party like the director, this is a sure fire way to cause even more friction and continue to remain ignorant of the bridge laws.

I recall another incident where the revoker felt that by calling the director, he was being accused of cheating! Everyone has unintentionally revoked in their lives and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Just pay a penalty and move on.

The most difficult task for a director are those that require judgment and deciding what is considered “logical alternatives” and “unauthorized information (UI)”. Directors often delay the decision for some consultation and by comparing scores. If the violating pair eventually reach a very inferior contract, it is unlikely that the UI was utilised by partner.

Another common infraction is the tendency to make a general claim while a trump is still out. Sometimes the opponents tell declarer to “play on” – this is both absurd and illegal. By saying that, the declarer now realises that something is not right and plays accordingly. Sometimes the defender reveals the un-drawn trump and the claimant will say that it was his obvious intention to draw out the last trump. The correct procedure is just to reject the claim and call the director. What the claimant fails to realise is that if you don’t specify that you are going to draw the last trump, the director, based on the law, has to assume that the declarer has forgotten about it. He will have to award a trump trick to the opponent if there is any non-irrational way for the claimant to lose that trick. All the sad stories by the claimant are totally worthless!

(I hope this will become an occasional feature in THE GRANDSLAM.  Pls send me your encounters for publication -- ed)

11. World Team Championships, Sao Paulo, Brazil – Sept 2009

Black coffee was definitely not needed to keep several diehard bridge fanatics on the edge of their computer seats. The live card by card VU Graphs backed by knowledgeable commentary spanned from 10pm to 3am for more than a week.

Italy’s big early lead quickly whittled away as the marathon 128-board finals came to an end with USA2 coasting to a comfortable 285-249 victory. What a team of legends! Bob Hamman, Zia Mahmood, Jeff Meckstroth, Eric Rodwell, Nick Nickell and Ralph Katz. Credit must also go to Italy’s Antonio Sementa, Giorgio Duboin, Fulvio Fantoni, Claudio Nunes, Lorenzo Lauria and Alfredo Versace for their solid performance for so many years.

I cannot help but wonder what would have happened if Italy had their Blue Team of the 60s/70s -- Giorgio Belladonna Walter Avarelli, Benito Garozzo Pietro Forquet and Camillo Pabis Ticci, Massimo D'Alelio -- matching up with USA2. Alas, only in my dreams!

In the Ladies Venice Cup, Asia finally took the title when China beat USA1 220 – 148.

In the D'Orsi Seniors Bowl, England beat Poland 187-164 while Indonesia beat USA2 125-77 for 3^rd place. Seeing how well Indonesia did, this could potentially be another niche for Singapore to make a mark on the world stage like what our Youth team recently did.

12. Puzzle (Difficult): 7S NS or 1S EW (see 25 below for answer)

Can you create a hand where NS can make 7S yet if EW were declaring; they would make 1S against best defense from everybody (bidding not required)? Sounds impossible? Well get your grey cells energized and crack this toughie. (Send this to your “know-it-all” bridge friends without the answer and drive them crazy! - ed)

^BR_OK^EN B^RI_DG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

All Medical-Bridge Jokes below

13. Never Mind

The doctor was checking up on three elderly bridge players who had head injuries from a car accident.

Serene inquired "Doctor, Will I still be able to play bridge?"

The Doctor asked "How many high card points in a deck of cards?"

"60!" the lady replied.

Worried, the doctor turned to Wayne "How about you? How many high card points in a deck of cards? “

"Uh, Wednesday!" he shouted.

Even more concerned, the doctor motioned to the other lady. "Well, what do you say, madam? How many high card points in a deck of cards?"

"Forty!"  Sheryl replied.

"Excellent!" the doctor exclaimed. "How did you get that?"

"Oh, it's pretty simple," she explained. "You just subtract the 60 from Wednesday!"

(See 24 below for an original twist on this joke…ed)

14. Gene Splicing

What do you get when you cross my partner with an ape?
No change occurs.                    (My sincerest apologies to the ape ... ed)

15. I Walk the Line

“There is a fine line between wanting to play bridge every day and mental illness.”

16. Overloaded Bridge

While a physician was examining a new patient's ruddy complexion and blood pressure, the patient said, "I already know I have very high blood pressure, Doc."

"Does it come from your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.

"Neither," Wayne replied. "It's from my bridge partner’

17. End Play

Sheryl accompanied Wayne, her bridge partner, to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called Sheryl into his office alone. ”Wayne is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, he will surely die. Never point out any mistake he makes. Be pleasant at all times. Don't burden him with conventions and bidding systems. Always give him a hug when he feels down. And never discuss the hands. If you can do this for the next few months, I think Wayne will regain his health completely."

On the way home, Wayne asked Sheryl, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied

18. Deafening Silence

Wayne was talking to a doctor about his bridge partner "Doctor, I think my bridge partner is deaf because she never hears my bid and I always have to repeat things."

"Well," the doctor replied, "The next time you play bridge, bid normally. If she doesn't reply, say it louder and louder. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

Sure enough, the next time they played Rubber Bridge, he does exactly as instructed. He starts off saying “One Spade”.  He hears no response. He says it louder “ONE SPADE”. Still no reply. And again “ONE SPADE”! He gets fed up and screams at the top of his voice “SHERYL! I’M BIDDING ONE SPADE”! 

Sheryl picks up a pen and writes down "For the fourth time, One No Trump" 

19. Running Hot and Cold

Sheryl: Can't play bridge tonight. I have a really bad cold"

Wayne: Try drinking a big glass of fresh orange juice after a hot bath.

Sheryl: uh ... Ok ... I'll try anything

…..the next day…

Wayne: Hi Sheryl … Well, did it help?

Sheryl: How should I know? I haven't even finished drinking the bath yet!"

20. Running Wild

Wayne “Doctor, my memory is failing and I cannot remember the cards when I play Bridge.”

Doctor “If you want to improve your memory and your concentration, you need to get some exercise. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind. Run 10 kilometers a day.”

Two weeks later, Wayne calls the doctor.

Doctor "Have you done what I told you?”

Wayne “Yes doc, I’ve followed your instruction exactly.”

Doctor “So has your memory and concentration improved since 2 week ago?"

Wayne “I don't know, I'm 140 kilometers away from my Bridge Club"

21. Daffy-nit-shuns: Amnesia Double

Amnesia Double: When you make a lead directing double when you are going to be on the opening lead

22. Home Sweet Home

Wayne “I get a really bad headache after a long bridge tournament”.

Joe “Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away."

… The next day …

Joe "Did you do what I told you to do?"

Wayne "Sure did and it works! By the way, you have a nice house!"

23. Car-toons

Bridge partners are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the available ones are handicapped.

24. Never Mind (from 13 above) – a new twist

Sheryl subtracted 60 from Wednesday to get 40. The numerical equivalent of Wednesday is 23+5+4+14+5+4+1+25=100. So there!

25. Puzzle Answer: 7S NS or 1S EW (from 12 above)

                                      S -

                                      H A K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3

                                      D 2

                                      C -

S J 10 9                                            S 6 5 4 3 2

H -                                 H –             H -

D -                                                     D A K Q J 10 9 8

C K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4                     C 3

S A K Q 8 7                                                        

                                      H 2

                                      D 7 6 5 4 3

                                      C A 2

The above is an example of a hand where S makes 7S if he declares and W makes (at least) 1S if he is declarer!

Any lead by W is won by South who draws trumps and runs Hearts for 13 tricks.

When W is declarer and N on the lead, he cannot enter S’s hand. N’s best lead is D2. E wins and runs 7 diamonds for the contract. If S mistakenly ruff the 6^th (or 7^th) diamond low or high, S can only take four trumps + AC giving the opponents an overtrick because of an overuff or trump promotion and/or establishing dummy’s 5^th trump. On a H lead, EW always make 8 tricks using the same methodology after the initial heart ruff in dummy.

Moral of the story: Distribution beats Points but Luck beats all.

26. JQK till you Drop

For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com. To subscribe to this free newsletter, pls send email to address below.

Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Editor

October 1, 2009, zaris@singnet.com.sg

The Grandslam #56 Aug/Sep 09

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
August/September 09 ISSUE #56

1. Message from the Out-Going Convenor – Zain Moledina
Shamim was elected Convenor at our AGM 10 days ago and this will be my last ramble. I will humbly avoid usurping her convenorship by not covering issues, future plans, strategy or even anything to do with bridge! Rather I will put on my editor’s hat and shamelessly pat myself on the back on this newsletter..
As I type it out every 2 months, foremost on my mind is integrity. Is the data and information in the articles accurate? Are the names spelt correctly? Are the opinions balanced and fair?
Timeliness is another aspect of integrity. Readers expect to see it on time on the 1st of even numbered months. Over the past decade; this newsletter has never been more than 1 day late. Early yes, late no.
Integrity also means that personal viewpoints, biases and prejudices – especially religious and political comments, quotes and articles -- are kept to an absolute essential minimum. The last thing I want is to be accused of a hidden agenda. And how do I deal with other groups if they ask for equal time and coverage to present their side?
“With a trivial newsletter with a low circulation, why do you even bother with all this.” you say?
This is a fair question. Unfortunately, if you have to ask, no answer will be satisfactory.

2. SRC Bridge Section 10th AGM – July 19th 12pm to 2pm
Quorum was easily met and the AGM was quickly underway after a light lunch. Current membership stands at 54. Outgoing Convenor Zain Moledina sporting his shiny new bald look, said that the section’s achievements during the 2008/09 term have been the best ever for SRC. Details have been well publicized in our GRANDSLAM newsletter and do not need repeating. He congratulated the outgoing committee and section members for their achievements as well as the SRC Management Committee for so many years of financial and moral support.
Treasurer N. W. Leong stated that the section’s funds remain excellent as per the financial summary report which was distributed to members.

Elections for the 2009/10 committee were then held and all positions were again uncontested. In-coming Convenor Shamim Moledina emphasised her deep passion for the game and how it has helped her memory and thinking process. However she expressed disappointment that experienced bridge members are not stepping forward to serve as Convenor or even join the Committee in spite of so much one-to-one persuasion. This will deprive the section of new ideas and vibrancy.
In the Q & A session, several members spoke on the serious space and venue problems which the Bridge Section is facing at SRC. They focused on the loss of the 1883 Lounge for this year’s Teams event in spite of a confirmed booking. Social Chairman Richard Yong assured the members that this type of problem will never happen again.

Committee Incoming 2009/10 Outgoing 2008/09
Convenor Shamim Moledina shamimole@hotmail.com Zain Moledina (+Editor)
V. Convenor Zain Moledina (+Editor) zainmol@gmail.com Shamim Moledina
Treasurer Ong Cheng Huat ongchenghuat@gmail.com N. W. Leong
Secretary Steven Chew steven2999@hotmail.com Ong Cheng Huat
SRC Bridge Section Coordinator Siti Mariam siti.pr@src.org.sg

3. SRC 9th Open Teams – The President’s Trophy -- July 19th 2.30pm to 10pm
Once again we had to close registration due to the overwhelming response. It was gratifying to note that 5 out the 10 teams were “SRC” teams with a several players with about a year’s experience and their first taste of open competition!
The occasion was graced by a record number of SRC Management Committee – Social Chairman Richard Yong, Sarbit Singh, Ronald Wee and Vice President Capt Koh. Thank you all for your kind words, encouragement and support.
Singapore's Bridge Ambassador, Ms Jane Choo ably directed the 10-team round robin format. By dinner time after Round 6 it was becoming clear that there was not going to be any upsets. In the final round, Rylai came from behind to nip X-dream by 2 VP. SRC’s General Manager Abdul Rashid and SRC President Dr. Johnny Goh proudly awarded the inaugural President's Trophy to the winners.
1st: Rylai : Capt Kelvin Ng, Chang Sui Sim, Lam Cheng Yen, Tan Wei Seng
2nd X-Dream: Capt Zain Moledina (SRC), Trevor Li, Mohammad Sadooghi-Alvandi, Nancy Chan
3rd Gap Gap Gap : Capt Marvin Lai, Colin Loy, Liw Meng Hong, Yong Kien Fong
Crossword Puzzle (see below) Prize: Colin Loy

4. Geylang West 4th Annual Pairs – June 28th Ever had the experience when the opponents bid 1H-2H which is passed all round to you? You balance with a 2S only to see them jump to 4H to make an ice-cold contract. Ouch! Well at least I made those sweet ladies smile. GWCC, as usual, turned on the charm to host a 12-table tournament, about half of whom were social players. Compliments goes to Convenor Lee Chin and her staff for a well organised event. 1st Ron Oh & Koh Sei Hian 2nd Tan Kit Peng & Maureen Mah 3rd Shamim & Zain Moledina (SRC) 4th Rahim Rahmat & Ron Savage

5. Beginner Course – Completed June 2009 The 8 lesson beginner course was successfully completed. Thanks to Instructor Carlton Parker and for all those extra lessons!

6. CSC In-house Handicap Pairs – 26th July Congratulations to Pat and N. W. Leong, who are also members of SRC, for winning the Chinese Swimming Club’s In-House 2009 Handicap Pairs.

7. Premier League 2009 – Final Results After winning the title last year, we had to be satisfied with 2nd Place this year. We were somewhat unfortunate to lose the services of one of our anchor pairs until the last game. Hopes of catching up were also dashed when 3rd place NUSS did not get a postponement match against CSC and had to forfeit their match 0-22. Nevertheless, kudos to team captain Prof Yu Chun Yee, Shamim Moledina (V. Capt), B. K. Tham, Carlton Parker, Chris Wong, Dorothy Wong, Murli Vassanmal, Richard Lim and Zain Moledina for another solid performance this year.

8. National Bridge League 2009 – Update SRC Dreamers League Results against:- Blue Moon Won 23-7 March 21st
Congenital Optimists Won 17-13 April 18th
X-Men Draw 15-15 April 19th
SICC (Red) Won 16-14 June 20th
Bozzetto (Rosso) Lost 12-18 July 5th

In the Knockout Cup section, we are in the Swiss Consolation pool.

9. Lowest IMP Scores in a Major Head to Head Teams Tournament In head to head team play, this infamous record goes to a surprisingly strong team of Eddie Kantar, Billy Eisenberg, Alan Sontag, Fred Hamilton and Jim Cayne. They lost the first 16 hands by 68 to 2 IMPs and were penalised another 10 IMPs for slow play for a score of -8 IMPs. There is now hope for the rest of us!

10. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from May 19th to July 28th DATE PAIRS FIRST SECOND THIRD .
May 19 11 JinMeng/Petrina Karol/Pheck Ping/Yu
May 26 13 BK/Richard Ping/Yu Alex/CCChen
Jun 2 11 RonS/Shawn Alan/BK Alex/CCChen
Jun 9 10 Leong/Pat David/Peng Huat Dot/RonS
Jun 16 7 Leong/Pat Ping/Yu HongChoon/ YuetWah
Jun 23 12 Koh/RonOh Shamim/Zain Carl/Rajesh
Jun 30 14 Yu/Zain Dot/Ron HongChoon/ChengHuat
July 7 14NS CCChen/Shamim Nancy/RonOh Thomas/Zain
14EW Karol/Pheck Ping/Yu Evelyn/Jane July
14 16 Alex/Firoz Ping/Yu BengTee/Teodor
July 21 12 BengTee/Teodor CCChen/Zain Dot/Ron
July 28 9 Yu/Chen Carl/Chris Karol/Pheck

11. Bridge and Dementia – A Study
“We play for blood,” says Ruth Cummins, 92, before taking a sip of Red Bull at a bridge game. “It’s what keeps us going,” adds Georgia Scott, 99. “It’s where our closest friends are.” In recent years scientists have become intensely interested in what could be called a super memory club. Less than 1 in 200 people aged 90 and over do not have even a trace of dementia. It is a group that, for the first time, is large enough to provide a glimpse into the lucid brain at the furthest reach of human life. Researchers are trying to tease apart what exactly is essential in preserving mental sharpness to the end. Laguna Woods Village is a sprawling retirement community of 20,000 south of Los Angeles. It is at the center of the world’s largest decades-long study of health and mental acuity in the elderly. Begun by the University of Southern California researchers in 1981, it has included more than 14,000 people aged over 65 out of which, more than 1,000 are aged 90 or older. Overall statistics show that for the one in 600 people who make it to 95, nearly 40 percent of the men and 60 percent of the women qualify for a diagnosis of dementia. Not so for the bridge oldies. Bridge requires a strong memory. Each player must read his or her partner’s strategy by closely following what is played. Good players remember every key card played and its significance. If you forget a critical card, or fall behind in understanding what is happening at the table, it can impact the result — and the social connection — dearly. “When a partner starts to slip, you can’t trust them,” said Julie Davis, 89, a regular player living in Laguna Woods Village. “It’s terrible to say it that way, and worse to watch it happen.” “These are the most successful oldies on earth, and they’re only just beginning to teach us what’s important in their genes, in their routines, in their lives,” said Dr. Claudia Kawas, a neurologist at the University of California, Irvine. “We think, for example, that it’s very important to use your brain, to keep challenging your mind, but all mental activities may not be equal. We’re seeing some evidence that a social component may be crucial.”

12. Court Cards
Court Cards were originally called Coat Cards and now the term Picture Cards is also being used. It has been claimed that Henry VIII was the model for all the kings. This is based on ancient English cards which had the same curling mustache and divided beard on all the kings. French cards developed along similar lines and there are documents to identify all the court cards.

Spades Hearts Diamonds Clubs
Kings David Charles Caesar Alexandra
Queen Pallas Judith Rachel Argine
Jack Hogier Lahire Hector Lancelot
All figures are real or mythical except Argine, which is an anagram of Regina (i.e. Queen). The court cards have evolved differently in other countries. In Hungary, the card characters are taken from Schiller's Wilhelm Tell which was set in Switzerland! However the cards were never used there! In the trappola pack from the Italy-Spain region, a Cavilier replaces the Queen. German versions also do not have Queens but have 2 types of Jacks - Ober and Unter. To complicate matters a bit more, some German packs incorporate back the Queen but do not eliminate the Jacks thus making 16 court cards in all! Well, at least the pack looks nicer!


13. Bridge Crossword Puzzle
Across Clues 1 A ____ (7) defense may be indicated when the contract has barely enough points to make
5 Type of Redouble (3)
7 In ko tournaments, any team that loses ___ ____ (2,3)
8 The National League used to be called _____ -Club (5)
9 Best score in match points (3)
10 The ______ (7) of Bridge can be traced to Whist and Biritch
12 The ______ (7) Bowl is the most coveted prize in Bridge
13 A Bridge team is a four- ____ (3) team
15 The Chinese used these for tabulating Bridge scores 50 years ago (5) 17 A popular opening lead against NT is from the _____ (5) sequence of a strong suit

© Created for SRC Bridge Section by Zain Moledina. All rights reserved

18 Properly bid contracts only go down ____ (3) to bad breaks
19 After the round, what an Individual movement chart may tell you to do? (2,5)

Down Clues
1 A Jack has one (5)
2 At 3NT, you may need one in every suit (7)
3 ________ (11) a new suit is usually forcing for one round
4 A common type of end play is the _______ (11) and throw-in
5 With an odd number, one pair has to ___-out (3) each round.
6 A player usually _____ (5) his cards by rank and suit
11 In match point, most prefer to risk an NT contract rather than play ___ a _____ (2,5) suit
12 A bridge _____ (5) usually has a slot for the traveler
14 Direction (5)
16 Top card (3)

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

14. Out-Going Committee Members – the Inside Take …by Zain

Convenor – Sits back and takes credit for successes. Wastes time writing newsletters and generating ideas which he claims is “brainwork”. Favourite line “What is the use of a bloody committee if I have to do real work?”

Vice Convenor – Works like crazy getting things organised and completed.
Favourite Line “Ideas are dirt cheap. Even cheaper if you don’t have to implement them.”

Treasure – Eagle eye for details and mistakes.
Favourite Line “Something funny going on here and I ain’t laughing,”

Secretary – Looks at issues from many angles.
Favourite Line “It’s not working out … let’s try it this way.”

15. Therefore I Am … not Many people would sooner die than think -- and usually they do," lamented British Philosopher Bertrand Russell,

16. Better than Nothing All Bridge Players should have at least a murderer in their family, so they will have someone to look up to.

17. Bitter Half I play bridge to be entertained. If I wanted to be stressed and abused, I might as well stay home with my wife.

18. Blown Bulb How many Bridge players do you need to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to tell him how he could have done it better.

19. Saving Grace Partners are extremely important. Who else to blame when you lose?

20. Heads He Win, Tails I Lose A happy partnership is a matter of give and take. You give in and your partner takes credit.

21. Why Women Love Bridge Players? (original) They sometimes do a Double before they Pass out.

22. That Certain Smile How can you tell if someone is a lousy bridge player? He has 5 smiling Kibitzers watching him play.

23. Daffy-nit-shuns - Hand Hog
Hand Hog : A player who thinks he is best qualified to be declarer. A standard tactic is to avoid showing minor suits and 4-card majors in order to quickly bid NT -- even outside the agreed range and shape.

24. How Bridge Laws Relate to Real Life (modified from Bridge Magazine)

You telephoned me when my husband was on the other line (Simultaneous Calls) but did not tell me what you wanted (Incomplete Call).
I said I would call back but before I could (Hesitation), you called me again (Call out of Rotation).
Of course I slam down the phone (Call out of Rotation – Rejected).
Then you sent me a letter (Play of Card Accepted) but I was shocked that you asked me out for just a Big Mac (Insufficient Bid).
Of course I refused (Insufficient Bid Rejected).
You then tried to offer me 2 Big Macs (Attempt to Correct with a Double).
Luckily you realised your mistake (Illegal Bid) and offered me an expensive dinner. (Corrected by Sufficient Bid)
During dinner you told me you were single (Deliberate Deception) but luckily I found out the truth from a mutual friend (Unauthorised Information).
Later you dared to ask me to go to your home (Inappropriate Communications) for some action (Illegal Play) and cheat on my husband (Violation of Partnership Agreement).
When I refused you (Claim Rejected) you asked me again (Requirement to Repeat Claim Statement).
You saw that I was hesitating (Extraneous Information from Partner).
You knew I was vulnerable (Scoring) and would give in (Acquiescence Occurs) and follow you (Wrong Lead Accepted).
However I changed my mind in time (Acquiescence in Claim Withdrawn).
Now you did not want to pay for the meal (Retraction of Card Played) and so I left (Play Ceases).

25. Bridge Over Troubled Waters (original)
My wife finally snapped last month and committed suicide. For years she has claimed that I'm a Bridge fanatic. She said all I ever read about is Bridge. All I ever talk about is Bridge. All I ever think about is Bridge. So why did she have to jump off a Bridge?

26. Almost Perfect
Isn't it a shame how 99% of bridge players give the whole game a bad name.

27. Mental Work-out
After learning bridge, the only exercise I get is letting my imagination run wild!

28. How’s That Again?
Another Beginner Bridge Course is starting next month. If you missed it the last time, this is your golden opportunity to miss it again.

29. Tee not Pee Bridge Success is more attitude than aptitude.

30. End Play Doctor: "If you play bridge, the stress will kill you by the time you are 60” Bridge Player: "But I am 60!" "Doctor: Have you paid my bill yet?"

31. Crossword Puzzle Answers
ACROSS
1. PASSIVE 5. SOS 7. IS OUT 8. INTER 9. TOP 10. ORIGINS 12. BERMUDA 13. MAN 15. ABACI 17. INNER 18. DUE 19. GO NORTH
DOWN
1. POINT 2. STOPPER 3. INTRODUCING 4. ELIMINATION 5. SIT 6. SORTS 11. IN MINOR 12. BOARD 14. NORTH 16. ACE

32. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com. To subscribe to this free newsletter, pls send email to address below.


Zain Moledina, SRC Bridge Vice Convenor & Editor
August 1, 2009, zaris@singnet.com.sg