Grandslam #25

THE GRANDSLAM

SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER

MAY/JUNE 04 ISSUE #25





1. Message from the Convenor – B. K. Tham

Hi Everyone,

We have started our planning for our AGM and the Annual Teams event, scheduled for Sunday, 25th July. To adequately reflect the greater skill and experience of our members, we have made this year’s event very flexible and open. Please mark this date on your calendar and form your teams early.

We had some trying times locating a suitable place for our weekly practice sessions, but all that is now water under the “bridge”, so to speak. It seems that everyone prefers our new venue.

For the first time, 6 SRC section members are taking part in SCBA’s Inter-Club and League Cup -- an indication, I am sure, of their rising level of confidence and ability. We wish them the best of luck and success as we monitor their progress.



2. SCBA 18th Singapore Inter-Club and 1st League Cup

The Inter-Club is an annual round robin event with 31 Teams divided into 3 separate divisions. Running parallel to this is the League Cup, a knockout tournament for all the teams.

As stated above, 6 SRC members have registered in these 2 events which run from March to November. Carlton Parker and Chris Wong are representing a new team, Siglap CC, captained by Tan Eng Choo. Richard Lim and Yu Chun Yee are in CHLRXY, captained by David Chew. Adeline Sheperdson is in PA(A), captained by Molly Wee. Zain Moledina has joined a new team PA(B), captained by Rahim Rahmat

We wish them and their teams all the very best.



A special congratulation goes to 3rd Div Siglap CC team of Carlton Parker, Chris Wong, Tan Soh Hong and Evelyn for probably pulling off the biggest upset of the Tournament on 27th March. They edged out 1st Div SICC (Red) in the League Cup. To be fair, SICC were trying out new and unfamiliar partnerships. Nevertheless, credit must go to the underdogs for rising to the occasion. There is an adage in Bridge that goes “Nothing is certain and we can’t be sure about that either”.



3. Genting Bridge Escapade 4 (29Feb-4Mar)

Five days of perfect weather added icing to the hilltop holiday at Genting. For the 4th straight year, the trip was filled to capacity. The Bridge Function Room was spacious, bright and comfortable. The more experienced players even took time to hold informal instructions and discussions.

Popular side activities included Karaoke, Fantastica show, Snow World, trip to Kuala Lumpur and Awana and, of course, the casino. Numerous discount coupons were provided for food and activities.

The “Fun and Games” session focussed on anagrams on the names of all the bridge players present. Prizes ranged from token souvenirs to a full complimentary buffet meal.

Day 1 : 1st Anna/Peter 2nd David/EngChoo 3rd Shamim/Rana/Pat/Leong

Day 2 : 1st Shamim/Zain 2nd Rana/Tanny 3rd Dorothy/EngChoo

Day 3 : 1st Siak/Leong 2nd Dorothy/Anna/Molly/RonOh

Day 4 : 1st Pat/RonOh 2nd Tanny/Anna 3rd BK/Zain

Special thanks goes to Greg and Sandra Basmadjian for lugging all the bridge stuff to the resort. See you all next year!



4. SRC Monday Bridge Results – 9th Mar – 27th Apr

DATE Pairs FIRST SECOND THIRD

9 Mar 11 Rahim/RonS RonOh/PengHuat RonQ/Kanan

16 Mar 8 Jenny/Theresa AiLeng/RonOh David/Richard/Carl/Chris

23 Mar 7 Jenny/Theresa David/Richard RonS/YewChung
30 Mar 10 ChunYee/BT Shamim/Zain BK/Helen
6 Apr 10 Rahim/Ron David/Rana EngChoo/RonOh

13 Apr 11 RonOh/PengHuat Molly/Jane Pat/John

20 Apr 8 Rahim/RonS RonOh/PengHuat Molly/Jane

27 Apr 9 Rahim/RonS Shamim/Zain Yu/Ping



5. Farewell to the Arnetts

SRC Bridge Section would like to extend a fond farewell to two of our regulars – Anna and Peter Arnett. They will be stationed in Russia after 3 years in Singapore. They leave behind many memories and discussions of ideas, politics, events and, of course, bridge -- always peppered with witticism and humour. Good bye and do try to visit us sometimes.

Bridge Results at Arnetts’ farewell party.

1st Ng Kong/Lye Meng 2nd Peter/Zain 3rd Greta/Lan Foo



6. History of Bridge – Sir Winston Churchill

As everyone knows, Sir Winston Churchill was the British Prime Minister during the 2nd World War.

Less well known is the fact that he was First Lord of the Admiralty during the 1st World War.

What is hardly known is that while he was playing bridge in 1914 that he received news that war had been declared.

However, what is totally unknown is whether he finished the rubber before attending to matters!

Sir Winston played Rubber Bridge for very high stakes and often lost. He was a reckless doubler and a redoubler. Needless to say, very few liked or dared to partner him.

It was most fortunate for the free world that his skill in the art of war far exceeded his bridge playing ability!

7. Tip of the Month - The 80-20 Rule

It is not the handling of very difficult hands that makes the winning player. There are just not enough of them. It is the ability to avoid messing up the average ones.



8. Puzzle -- King of Cards

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great “king” from history: They are Julius Caesar, Charlemagne, King David, Alexander the Great. Look at those 4 cards carefully and see if you can get them right.



9. Puzzle – Non-existent Scores

At duplicate bridge, everyone knows that the following scores do not exist : 10, 20, 30, 40

Can you work out the next 2 non-existent scores?





10. Losing Combination

A man was walking down the street when a particularly dirty, half-naked and shabby-looking homeless man asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to buy cigarettes instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I stopped smoking decades ago" the homeless man replied. "I need every cent I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead
of food?" the man asked.
"Why should I risk getting a disease for a cheap thrill?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Will you spend this on playing Bridge instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played bridge in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,
I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks
like who's given up beer, smoking, sex and bridge."



11. Bridge Book for Losers
Now a Bridge book to end all Bridge books – “Zen and the art of Losing at Bridge”. It contains some really good and useful advice and articles like :-

1. How to go Down with a Smile.

2. How to Duck the Left Hook from your Partner.
3. How to Accidentally Overturn the Bridge Table when the Contract is Doomed.
4. Proper Etiquette when you are partnering a complete Jerk.

5. Instant Meditation when your partner stars to cry or complain.
6. How to Rationalize Wasting 10 or more hours a week on Bridge.

7. Why so few Bridge Players have a Life.
8. Why your wife no longer cares how you made the Slam.
9. Why having a Thick Skin is better than trying to Improve.
10. How to relax when your partner asks what the Trump Suit is halfway through the Game.



12. How’s that Again?

People who complain about bad luck in Bridge can be divided into 2 groups – men and women.



13. Reverse Logic

Her partner was furious when she was late for the bridge game.

“Can’t you see the heavy rain and strong winds?” she explained “I take one step forward and I slip two steps backwards.”

“Nonsense” her partner replied “then how did you ever get here?”

“I turned around and started walking home



14. How True

How is it possible that a person will play flawlessly when he is the opposition and senselessly when he is your partner?



15. Burns With Smoke

The late George Burns, the cigar smoking actor & comedian, often played Bridge at a club outside Los Angeles. One day when he was 95 and puffing away at the bridge table he saw a new “No Smoking” sign. As expected, he made his usual fuss. When he arrived the next day, he was pleased to see the sign modified to “No Smoking except those over 90”



16. Great Expectations

Just after his partner successfully bid and made 7NT, Sam commented “That was ok, but I would have made an overtrick”



17. Words to Regret

Of all the words spoken on the bridge table, the most frequent has to be “If only…”



18. Reverse Dummy

A middle-aged man has a bridge session every Saturday morning and comes home at about 2pm. One Saturday, he came home at 8pm and his wife was furious.

“I was on my way home” he explained “when I saw this young woman on the side of the road trying to repair a flat tire. I helped her to change it and one thing led to another and we ended up spending the afternoon in a motel. I am sorry and it won’t happen again.”



“Bullshit” she shouted, “You played bridge in the afternoon as well, didn’t you?”



19. Handicap Pairs

Blind people have special Braille cards that have embossed numbers and pictures so that they can be identified by touch. Although the bridge game goes pretty slow, at a recent competition the totally blind pair of Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller beat all the world champions like Bob Hamman, Zia Mahmood and others. The winning pair was not given any handicap except one.

The game was played at night without lights!



20. Intellectual Levels?

Last week I took my son to the Science Center and I was fascinated by the on-line Quiz questions asked by the computer.

My son clicked on the “Genius Level” and out poured questions on quantum mechanics and relativity. We were dumbfounded and quickly clicked the “Average Level”. We managed to answer a few of the questions that the computer threw at us on basic Science..

Before leaving, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to click the “Idiot Level”.

I had to quickly dragged my son away from the computer. It was spewing out Bridge puzzles!



21. Daffy-nit-shuns – Splinter Bid

Splinter Bid — the only known way to become declarer in a slam contract with a singleton trump in your hand



22. Puzzle Answer -- King of Cards

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

Clubs -Alexander the Great



23. Answer - Non-existent Scores

The next 2 non-existent scores are :- 60, 160,



Editor: Zain Moledina

May 1st 2004