Grandslam #47

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
Feb/Mar 08 ISSUE #47

1. Message from the Convenor – Shamim Moledina
Yet another year bites the dust and don’t tell me all this “happy new year” crap. How happy can a year be when you have passed 60? Ok, ok, let me get back to bitch … er … bridge.

Our dear friend Robert Phua passed away on Jan 3rd. Since his stroke 7 years ago, he was severely paralysed, but his mind was still ok. When we visited him, we brought along some cards. He still had the same snigger whenever he ruffed a trick. Robert was one of several key people who helped establish bridge at SRC. Therefore, in this issue, I’ve asked Zain to write a short article on how he started bridge and how it ended up at SRC. I think we better document these things before we all get dementia. At this age, every time you learn something new, you forget something else. Last year I started using Lebensohl and I forgot how drive! Anyway, I hope he won’t bore you too much with his rambling style (dream on).

2. SRC’s Major Tournaments – “Why (the hell) do you play 36 Boards?”The above question has often been asked about our 2 major annual tournaments. You may be glad to know that the answer is not “Why not?”

FAIRNESS: Bridge players know that it is impossible to arrange a “fair” tournament in a large single session match where a pair just plays 12 or 13 rounds. This means that every pair has missed out playing with perhaps more than half the field! Clearly a lot of luck will come into play. With 36 boards (18 rounds) combined with our limited registration of 20 pairs, we get extremely close to an ideal situation where every pair plays against every other pair but one. Another aspect of fairness comes from the fact that the more boards you play, the less the chance of an anomaly; which is why major tournaments span over many days and rounds.

2. UPGRADED MASTERPOINTS: Once we play over 35 boards, the Masterpoints which are awarded fall into a higher bracket. Along with the "upgrade" to district level, we effectively get a double boost.

3. UNIQUE: Our “1.5-session” tournament is different from the usual run-of-the-mill 1 session or the more drawn out and logistically messy 2-session tournament. To award our trophy on the basis of just 24 boards somehow just does not seem right. There is no tournament (in Singapore at least) that has this format. Of course, everyone likes to be different and the first.

4. FITS SRC’s CONSTRAINTS: As SRC is a town club, space is always a constraint. We are allowed to reserve the main general-purpose hall for just 1 day. We also have to allocate time to set everything up by late morning and ensure there is time for scoring, prize-giving and clean up in the night. Unfortunately, this makes a full 2 session game quite tight. However, our 36-board format gives us more than enough time for dinner, socialising and solving our unique bridge crossword puzzle.

5. HERITAGE: After almost 9 years, this format has withstood the test of time and has now become part of our tradition. Our regulars find it reasonably challenging and are by now pretty familiar, supportive and comfortable with this methodology.

3. How Bridge Finally Came to SRC – Origins, People and Places … by Zain
I picked up bridge and all the Cantonese swearwords when I was about 12 and schooling in Hong Kong. Actually, I was just an irritant watching my father’s friends play and asking stupid questions. Fortunately (or is it unfortunately?), nobody told me to get lost. I became fascinated by the bridge conversation about the Italian Blue Team and the daily bridge puzzle column that appeared in the South China Morning Post. I can still remember one (made-up) hand where declarer discards all the Aces and Kings from dummy to make his 7NT contract. I was told that this is called “unblocking” but it still looked like magic to my pre-teen eyes!

Fast forward to 1975 in Singapore where Kanan Bala and I were doing National Service at the military communication headquarters at Tanglin. Some of that “communication” was the bidding that took place playing rubber bridge with the storekeeper and his pals. He had this warehouse with a large window for a quick getaway. As everyone knows, playing bridge is twice as much fun if you're doing it on army time.

Then no bridge for over 20 years and out of the blue Kanan calls me. His boss from the US is in town and wants to play bridge -- TONIGHT! I “taught” Shamim the basics in 1 hour and we had our fourth! The bridge bug had bit! (tongue twister - say it rapidly 10 times)

Singapore Recreation Club has a lot of sports and games but the only mind game was Chess. Surely there should be people like us who don’t want to end up as senile couch potatoes rooting for teams from places they have never been. In 1998, SRC had a new clubhouse and there was actually some space! Membership had increased greatly and the club wanted to broaden the recreational options. We organised a few workshops to gauge the interest and we were called an “activity”. Ironic because the 2 of us can’t even play bridge ourselves! We had no budget, no members … oh yes … we even used our own cards -- poker size!

Several people helped us along the way. Tan Peng Huat loaned us the boards, notes and taught our inaugural beginner bridge course (Dorothy Wong and Adelene de Roza are still with us today and doing great). We conducted more courses and workshops but dropouts were aplenty and disheartening. The young members were just too busy to put in the necessary time and effort. Fortunately, through patience, the neurons of our post-50 majority began to rewire and they now form the backbone of our section.

Robert Phua (see convenor’s message above) was a bundle of limitless energy and enthusiasm and was also involved in the start up of bridge at People’s Association. He encouraged players to support our games and gave us bridge stuff to get started. The Chess Room was loaned to us to practice in. It could barely fit 2 tables but then again we rarely had 8 players showing up!

Finally, we met all the requirements and on 12th June 2000, SRC President Tan Kah Hoe and Vice President Terrence Sheperdson officially conferred us a section status with a small budget to boot. Our bimonthly newsletter, “THE GRANDSLAM”, came out 3 weeks later. What a ride! Our close and supportive relationship with SRC has continued unabated under President Johnny Goh, Vice President Captain Francis Koh, Social Chairman Richard Yong and the management committee and staff. We look forward to more exciting and rewarding challenges ahead.

4. SRC Bridge Beginner Course – Starting 22nd February
An 8 session Beginner course by Chu Nyit is scheduled for Friday nights at 7.30pm starting 22nd February. This class is now FULL and REGISTRATION is CLOSED. Sorry.

5. SICC Xmas Pairs – 5th December
19 pairs tucked into an excellent turkey and ham dinner prior to the tournament. In an interesting development, all the 8 stationary pairs took the top 9 positions. Zain and Shamim were the only exception and had to face them all -- ouch!

1st Raikha Nomanbhoy & Dohadwalla K F 66.48%
2nd Zain & Shamim Moledina (SRC) 66.25%
3rd Trevor Li/J J Murugasu 62.22%
4th June Ng/Catherine Ang 5th L K Wong/Lilio Ho 6th Lui I Nam/Frank Yung
7th Greta Chai/S S Chang 8th Chu Nyit/Nancy Yung 9th H S Ho/S K Wu

(Note : SICC’s weekly Tuesday game has been changed to MONDAY)

6. Year End Celebration – SRC Xmas, Keppel NY Eve, SRC New Year
Christmas means different things to different people. To a group of diehards, it means more bridge! No way are we going to cancel our beloved Tuesday game just because of a technicality. But being Xmas, the time was brought forward to the afternoon. In a jovial easy-going atmosphere, SRC’s Pat & NW Leong took first position from SRC’s Prof Yu Chun Yee and Zhang Ping, Chew Ai Leng and Rana Gill were 3rd.

It was sliced turkey, turkey curry, turkey salad and turkey sandwiches that greeted the 36 turkeys ... ur ... players ... who showed up the following week at Keppel Club's New Year’s Eve Bridge Bash. With wine galore, it was clear that the tournament favourites would be those who could delay wetting their lips. Coincidently, the bridge convenors of 3 different clubs took the top prizes. The match was won by Eric & Alice Luk from Chinese Swimming Club with SRC's Shamim and Zain Moledina second and Keppel Club's Tan Peng Huat and Ron Oh third. The game was followed by a rowdy karaoke session that almost scared away the New Year.

Those that somehow managed to survive the hangover showed up the next afternoon at SRC's "Mad Hatters" Special with cards, flowers, leaves and some unmentionables (!) pasted on their hats. Ms. Tan Soh Hong won the judges hearts and ogling eyes with her "card-themed" hat with the year 2888 (sic) written on it to signify her upcoming 8th reincarnation. Well, you can't get madder than that, can you? The game itself was an anti-climax as Peng Huat (with Alan Chua) turned the tables on Zain and Shamim from the night before to take top spot. Dorothy Wong (SRC) partnering Ron Savage was 3rd.

7. PA Active Mind Festival 2008 – 12 January
Bridge was one of several games featured at the People’s Association Active Mind Festival at Suntec City Convention Centre over the 12/13 January weekend. Numerous exhibits and sales booths displayed products and services for Singapore’s aging population. MM Lee Kuan Yew had opened the forum the night before and Dr Vivian Balakrishnan, Minister for Community Development, graced the event. In conjunction with the festival, a Senior Pairs tournament was held 2 weeks earlier at Siglap CC. It was won by Christopher Gregory & Krishnan Rajendra. Greta Chai and Lan Foo were second with CC Ting and KY Lim third. The top 8 winners were there to demonstrate the game under the curious and puzzled eyes of thousands of onlookers roaming the exhibits. The bridge event was organised by newly elected SCBA President Wong Choo Wai, Siglap CC Convenor Tan Eng Choo. Lan Foo, Chng Chee Tong,, Nancy Oh, Evelyn Kline and others.

8. Premier League – March 2nd to June 8th (talk on Feb 24th)
Prof Yu Chun Yee will head the team with Shamim Moledina as vice-captain. Members have to be bona fide members of their respective clubs to be eligible. All SRC members are invited to a talk by Prof Yu on Feb 24th @ 3pm on Team Strategy. SRC was runners-up last year.

9. Genting Bridge Escapade – March 23rd to 27th
Don’t miss this annual event! All are welcome. Contact Shamim zaris@pacific.net.sg ASAP.

10. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Dec 4th to Jan 29th
DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
4 Dec Alan/Teresa Dot/RonS Shamim/Zain  
11 Dec Shawn/Zain   Richard/Molly BengTee/Teodor=Carl/Chris
18 Dec Dot/RonS Shawn/Zain   *Florence/Maggie
25 Dec/1 Jan Xmas & “Mad Hatter” Special – see Year End Bridge Celebration above.
8 Jan Shawn/Zain   = RonOh/EngChoo Dot/RonS
15 Jan LK/Thomas Yu/Ping PengHuat/RonOh
22 Jan Tina/David Yu/Ping=Xiao Ling/Zi Xiang
29 Jan Shamim/Zain Yu/Ping Koh/Alex
* Mucho congratulations to newcomers Florence and Maggie on 18 Dec. Keep it up.

11. Anagram Puzzle (Answers at the bottom)
Each of these phrases is an anagram of a familiar bidding word or phrase. Can you unscramble them?
1. NT REBID SLIP
2. MANGLER OF CARDS
3. CAVE ROLL
4. BOLD WACKO

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

12. Three Reasons why Bridge is Better
The Ten Commandments does not say anything about not playing bridge

You can have a bridge calendar on your wall at the office, tell bridge jokes and invite co-workers home to play bridge without being sued for harassment.

If the partnership agrees on “forcing two over one”, it wouldn't be considered abnormal.

13. Wake-up Call
Retirement is one long sweet dream, and bridge is the damn alarm clock.

14. Yes … but
Bridge players are OK; I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

15. How’s That Again?
A finesse is the most boring way to make a contract. I rather go down on a squeeze play.

16. Flushed
Bridge is the Septic Tank of the intellectual.

17. Well Protected
“I played Bridge once when I was 12 years old. It was like an inoculation and made me immune from it for the rest of my life.”

18. Passing Fancy
No point flirting with a Bridge player -- they just pass you by.

19. Two Birds with One Stone“My wife says if I go to a bridge game one more time she's going to leave me.
Gosh, I'm going to miss her.”

20. Daffy-nit-shuns : Bidding
Bidding is a rest period between arguments.

21. No Kidding
A measure of a person’s mental stability is the degree to which they can play bridge as though it is just a game.

22. Redeeming Feature
Anyone who hates bridge can’t be all bad.

23. Wrong Bridge
A maintenance engineer shouts in his cell phone: “There is no goddamn bridge here! Only a bunch of crazy people gathering around card tables”

24. Never-ending Story
“Every night when I go to bed I think about my mistakes at the bridge table.”
“Gee,” his partner said, “how do you get any sleep?”
25. Fallback Position
People are born to suffer. Even those that were initially free from suffering somehow end up playing bridge.

26. It Doesn’t Add up
If winning isn't important, why does everyone look at the score?

27. Bloody Good
Bridge is easy. You only need to concentrate until a drop of blood forms on your forehead.

28. Roger Rabbit
My boyfriend says he reads Playboy for the interesting articles. Right! Sure! And I play Bridge for the abuse.

29. Double Strip Squeeze
Coincidently, I did my first Squeeze in a Bridge game in the afternoon and did a Squeeze on my first date that same night. I never had time for bridge ever since.

30. One Leg Up
Asking a bridge player what he thinks about being criticised is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs
31. Bridge of Steal
Did you know that Bridge is punishment for shoplifting in some countries?

32. How’s That Again?
I wouldn’t partner anyone who would have me as his partner.

33. Keeping it Straight
Teaching Bridge without mentioning the arguments is like sending someone to war without mentioning that people are going to get killed.

34. No Cue Bid
Playing Bridge when you are 80 is like playing Billiards with a rope.

35. End Play
The only difference between bridge and life-long suffering is, with life-long suffering, nobody is going to make fun of you.

36. Mental Problem
Half the game is mental; unfortunately the other half is mental too.

37. Fundays“Some people ask the secret of our long and harmonious marriage as my wife and I both play bridge. Well, we take time to go to a restaurant. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, dancing and later, of course, lots of bridge. … She goes Saturday, I go Sunday."

38. Better than Nothing
The invention of bridge was not an accident. It was developed to meet the important needs of a certain group of people in a particular intellectual bracket. Those people got tired of playing “Pin the tail on the Donkey”

39. Point of View
"If Bridge is only a game then the Grand Canyon is only a hole"

40. Bridge over Troubled Waters
Bridge has kept more people sane than psychiatrists have.

41. Puzzle Answer : Bidding Anagram
1. Splinter bid 2. Grand slam force 3. Overcall 4. Blackwood

42. Oops!
The following was inadvertently omitted in the last issue.
“In the 8th SRC Open Pairs, Ron Savage won the Crossword Prize with Dorothy Wong second.”

43. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com
Zain Moledina – Editor, February 1st 2008
Email: zaris@pacific.net.sg