The Grandslam #48 Apr/May 08

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
April/May 08 ISSUE #48

1. Message from the Convenor – Shamim Moledina
Sorry for the delay in this issue. Zain and I were in the jungles of Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam for one month feeding the starving mosquitoes and leeches. Ok, let’s get back to concrete jungles and safer bridges.
We have signed up for both the Premier League and the Inter-Club this year so it is going to be very busy for us. We had a strong start in the PL but there is still a long difficult road ahead.
There was a great response to our Beginner Course and we actually had to prematurely close the registration for the very first time!
SRC’s proud 125 years of history has been documented into a book which is now in our bridge library. I hope every member will take this opportunity to borrow this wonderful book.

2. Geylang West CC “Pot Luck” CNY Special – Feb 15th
Ever been to a bridge game where the food surpassed the game itself? Well, congratulation must go to Convenor Lee Chin and Lucy Chow for a Lo Hei with real abalone and a wonderful feast fit for a king (ok, ok, for queens, jacks and deuces too).
The pairing was done via a random (un)lucky draw. As expected, none the 14 pairs were regular partnerships, and many of them were pairing for the very first time – ouch! Like I said, the food was great.
1st Murli Vassanmal (SRC) & Zain Moledina (SRC) 74.5%
2nd Nancy Lim & Shamim Moledina (SRC) 63.9%
3rd Ron Savage & David Ong 56.0%

3. SRC Bridge Beginner Course
The response was overwhelming. We had hoped for 16, planned for 12 and would have been satisfied with 10 but somehow the applications kept on coming. When we realised (too late!) what was happening, we had already accepted 20! Fortunately several members volunteered to help Chun Nyit run the practice sessions otherwise it would have been a real strain.

4. Premier League – March 2nd to June 8th
Prof Yu Chun Yee is captaining the team this year. During the team meeting on 24th Feb, he emphasized the importance of the balancing the 2 objectives – fielding our strongest team and letting all team members contribute. Those present appreciated the situation and agreed to his “weighted” strategy. The 4 “regular” pairs are Prof Yu/Zain, Murli/Shamim, Chris/Carl & BK/Richard.
SRC started strongly beating NUSS 23-7 in Round 1 followed by another 23-7 against Serangoon Gardens in Round 2. SRC sat out in the 3rd Round.
Get all the details at http://premierbridgeleague.webs.com/

5. New Library Book – “SRC Celebrates 1883-2007”
Bridge Members are welcome to borrow this book from the SRC Bridge Library. This book spans the 125 years of SRC history. Read all about the events and people that made SRC what it is today including a page on the Bridge Section. Please note that SRC section members may also borrow books from the SCBA extensive library at Bishan.
6. SCBA Inter-Club League – April 12th to 25th Oct
SRC first joined this league in 2004 with a very green team where several members had never played a team event before (I kid you not)! Appropriately, the team name was “Odyssey” to reflect the arduous journey into the unknown. We were 6th in the 3rd Division of 10 teams. The objective at that time was to gain experience and exposure. Both goals were successfully achieved without undue embarrassment!

Since then we have not fielded a team and several of our members have gone on to play for other teams. We have now, once again, “collected” all these drifters and put them under one banner – The SRC Dreamers. Why “dreamers”? Well, not because we old fogies are going to doze off during the match (at least I hope not!). Rather we dream of performing well. Follow the results at http://bridgeleague.net/

7. Puzzle – Know Your Honours
No peeking now ... 8 out of 12 is excellent!
a. Which King is stabbing himself in the head?
b. Which King is carrying an axe?
c. Which King’s face is in profile?
d. Which King has no mustache?
e. Which Queen is wearing a triangle design scarf?
f. Which Queen is wearing a hexagonal design scarf?
g. Which Queen is wearing a square/circle designed scarf?
h. Which Queen is in profile?
i. Name a “one-eye Jack”?
j. Name the other “one-eye Jack”?
k. Which Jack is carrying an axe?
l. Which Jack has a feather in his cap?

8. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Feb 12th to Apr 8th
DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Feb 12 RonS/Dot Zain/Shamim RonOh/Nancy
Feb 19 Henry/Zain Alan/Theresa RonS/Dot
Feb 26 Teodor/BengTee Yu/Zain BK/Richard=Murli/Shamim
Mar 4 Teodor/BengTee RonS/Dot Caio/Zain
Mar 11 Teodor/BengTee Pat/Leong Ping/Richard
Mar 18 Yu/Ping Dot/RonS Koh/Alex
Mar 25 Yu/Ping Carl/Chris Teodor/BengTee
Apr 1 Teodor/BengTee Murli/Caio Carl/Chris
Apr 8 James/Robin Nancy/RonOh Alex/Koh

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)
9. A Reason why Bridge is better
There is nothing embarrassing about playing a short club.

10. How’s That Again?
My Bidding may be bad but at least I make up for it with my atrocious play.

11. Daffy-nit-shun : Finesse
“Finesse” – a refined gesture or articulation incorporating a delicacy of manipulation.
If you don’t understand that, make no attempt to have it explained by a bridge player.

12. Who’s the Fool?
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.

13. Wrong Partner
Being with a woman all night never hurt a bridge player’s ability to concentrate on his game the following day.
It's staying up all night looking for the woman that does him in.

14. Just One More Game Please
There are two things in my life which I really love: my family and bridge.
The only problem is once I start playing, I change the order around a bit.

15. De-stressing
Do you get mad and angry during the bridge game?
If so, then whenever you are the dummy, just go outside, take some deep breaths, stretch your arms, count to 10 and kick the cat.

16. Why marry a bridge player
1. They have great hands
2. They are used to scoring
3. They are good at squeezes
4. They are excellent at end plays

17. Cracked Bridge
I finally figured out that playing bridge almost everyday is same thing, more or less, as having a personality disorder.

18. Sweeter than sweet
Bridge is a chocolate substitute.

19. Bridge to Hell
“Damn it. You must learn to play bridge. You can’t always be living for pleasure.”

20. Penalty Double
I know the dying process begins the moment we are born, but somehow it accelerates when we play Bridge.

21. Limited Options
Cigarettes and bridge are the perfect type of pleasure. It gives you immediate gratification and leaves you unsatisfied. What more can one want?

22. Win-win Option
If you want to win at Bridge, play with children ... and if you fall behind, it is easy to cheat.

23. C’est La Vie
Since I started playing Bridge, I have more stress, weigh more, exercise less and care less.

24. Bridge to Paradise
If the doctor ever tells you that you have just a few months to live, don't get depressed. Learn to play Bridge. Quite soon, you will look forward to your death.

25. Seeing the Future
I you want to know what you will look like 10 years from now, just play 3 sessions of Bridge in a day for a week.

26. Weighing the Benefits
Of course a loving wife is better than winning a Bridge tournament. But I am not sure about 2 Bridge Tournaments.

27. As Eye See It
When you are doing well, you are a good player. When they are doing well, they are lucky.

28. Parental Guidance
Of course prostitutes sometimes get pregnant by mistake. Where do you think Bridge Players come from?

29. Screw it on Tighter
How many Bridge players do you need to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to tell him how he could have done it better.

30. Puzzle – Know Your Honours (Answers)
a. KH b. KD c. KD d. KD
e. QS f. QC g. QD h.None
i & j JS & JH k. JH l. JC
Don’t worry … I failed too.

31 End Play
Bridge is an addiction only curable by death.

32. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com
Zain Moledina – Editor, April 1st 2008