The Grandslam #51 Oct/Nov 2008

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
October/November 08 ISSUE #51

1. Message from the Convenor – Zain Moledina
First of all, I like to welcome several novices to our Bridge Section. To get over the hump, you need to practice and not take comments personally. Every club has weekly games (ours is on Tuesday 7.30pm) and this is a great opportunity get exposure and training in a friendly atmosphere. Clubs hold a few big tournaments per year and SCBA has many “holiday” specials. These attract much larger groups of players outside your regular circle. Finally for those with masochistic tendencies (just kidding), we have the major SCBA tournaments, like the recent Pesta Sukan and the IMP Pairs (see below). Set a modest target for yourself and measure yourself against it. If you can beat it most of the time, you may want to try the next hurdle.
Reminder for members! If you haven’t already submitted your bridge survey form, do so now. We are currently in the process of reviewing our resource allocation and your feedback is important.

2. Singapore IMP Pairs Championships – 6th September
The Singapore Imp Pairs Championship held at the Singapore Contract Bridge Association. It attracted 21 pairs who had to modify their strategy to cope with the team-type scoring methodology. It was a grueling 2-session 48 board event divided by a dinner break.
After the first session, SRC’s Zain and partner Trevor Li were 4th and 19 IMPs behind the leaders. But early in the 2nd session, they had caught up quite a bit because of a disastrous signaling error by the opponents followed a few hands later by a lucky break that allowed an over aggressive game contract to be made. It was a 3-horse race going into the final stretch. However, optimism was shattered on the penultimate hand when a tough 3NT contract was made against them via a double throw-in. A Vienna coup on the final hand landed an overtrick for a clear top. But, in this event, it was just a “useless” extra 1 IMP. How useless it was can be seen in the results below.
1st Yong Hao Ng & Yukun Zhang +78.9 IMPs
2nd Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC) +74.0 IMPs
3rd Mark Tiong & Kien Fong Yong +73.3 IMPs
4th Gideon Tan & Caio Feilhaber +42.7 IMPs

3. Pesta Sukan Open Pairs – 8th August
The Pesta Sukan Tournament is arguably the most prestigious regional event that is held in Singapore. It was organised by the Singapore Contract Bridge Association and held on 8-8-08 at the Bishan clubhouse. While much of the focus is on the team event (which SRC did not enter), the Open Pairs also attracted a strong turnout of 24 pairs. In a tension-filled atmosphere, the players fought it out for the coveted medals.
The many long hours of practice over the past year paid off as misunderstandings and mistakes were few and far between. As a result, SRC added a Bronze to the Gold from the 2004 Mixed Pairs. Mr. Patrick Choy Kwok Hung, Vice President of the World Bridge Federation was in Singapore to present the medals
Gold : Derek Maggs & Wong Choo Wai
Silver : Christopher Gregory & Sugiharto
Bronze : Trevor Li & Zain Moledina (SRC)
4th : L L Wong & Fabian Tan

4. SRC Inaugural In-House Individual Tournament – 14th Sept – by Carl Parker
Bridge is a partnership game. All of that was out the window when we hosted our first Individual Tournament. Each player had to change partners after every round. Not since the sixties has this much partner swapping been witnessed. The big drawback, of course, is who do you blame for failure? Blaming all your partners is a little like the recruit who remarked, "Look, Captain, the whole platoon is out of step except me!"
The lack of time to settle bidding systems means that there are ample grounds for confusion and misunderstanding. This is supposed to be part of the fun!? But during play, the concentration was intense. I wonder, were they trying to read each other's bids or each other's minds?
Ultimately, when the buffet plates were filled with seconds, the survivor list was read out.
1st Zain Moledina 67.1% 2nd Shamim Moledina 64.8% 3rd Chris Wong 59.1% 4th Pat Leong 58.0%
Best Newcomer : Ong Cheng Huat.
Editor’s note : Thanks to Carl for this light-hearted article and for scoring and directing the match too.

5. CSC National Day Special – 9th August
36 players donning the good old Red and White celebrated National Day with a pot luck special tournament organised by Chinese Swimming Club. The banquet table was overflowing with food and drinks but the savvy lot headed straight for the multi-grained bread with cream cheese. Pure heaven. SRC pairs again put in solid performances.
1st Ronnie Oh & Nancy Oh 63.8%
2nd N.W. Leong (SRC) & Pat Leong (SRC) 62.2%
3rd Murli Vassanmal (SRC) & Zain Moledina (SRC) 58.9%

6. 1st World Mind Sports Games – 3rd to 18th October
After the Olympics, get ready for another high – The 1st World Mind Sports Games in Beijing. The event will cover Bridge, Chess, GO, Draught and Chinese Chess and it would be the first of its kind held in the world. Over 3000 mind game players from 250 countries and regions are converging for this historical event. Catch the action of our Singapore Ladies, U28 & U21 on the internet. Best of luck – we are rooting for you.

7. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results from Aug 5th to Sep 19th
DATE FIRST SECOND THIRD .
Aug 5 Dot/RonS Evelyn/Jane=Nancy/RonOh
Aug 12 Pat/Leong Ping/Yu Nancy/RonOh
Aug 19 BK/Richard Carl/Chris Evelyn/Jane
Aug 26 Yu/Chen Dot/RonS Shawn/Zain
Sep 2 Dulari/Zain Chen/Wong Adelene/RonOh
Sep 9 Carl/Chris HongChoon//Lee = Koh/Alex
Sep 16 BengTee/Teodor Zain/Alex Alison/DerekMaggs
Sep 23 & 30 Games cancelled due to Formula 1 road closures.

8. SCBA Liaison Officer to SRC – Ng Chun Tat
The Singapore Contract Bridge Association has appointed Liaison Officers to all member clubs. We concur that this is a positive step towards closer interaction and understanding. We like to extend a very warm welcome to Ng Chun Tat as our interface.
9. SCBA Inter-Club League April 12th to 25th Oct 2008 - Update
As we approach the home stretch, our team, SRC Dreamers, is currently 2nd behind BTCC-C.
vs National University of Singapore C Won 18 - 12
vs Nanyang Technological University B Won 25 - 3
vs BTCC-B Won 25 - 0
vs NUSS Blue Won 21 – 9
vs BTCC-C Lost 14 - 16
vs Hwa Chong Institution Won Walkover 20.8 - 0 (estimated score)
vs Raffles JC Won 22-8
vs St. Andrews JC Won Walkover 20.8 – 0 (estimated score)
In the Cup section, our results have been mixed. We turned the tables on BTCC-C who we had narrowly lost to in the league game and are currently leading in the Swiss consolation pool.
vs Bukit Timah CC B Won 78 -49 IMPs
vs Bozzetto (Azzurro) Lost 35-47 IMPs
vs SICC (Red) Lost 27-86 IMPs
vs Japan Club Won 24-6 VP
vs BTCC C Won 19-11 VP

10. Beginner Class – 18th July to 12th Sep
The Bridge Section would like to congratulate our latest batch of 10 graduates into the bridge world. Special tables will be set up on Tuesday night at 7.30pm at the Bibik to practice under the guidance of a mentor.

11. SRC Bridge Escapade to Cherating Beach 13th-16th October
SRC is planning a 4-Day 4-Night getaway to Best Western Suria Resort situated on the golden sands of Cherating Beach on the East coast of Malaysia. The program includes a 3 Nights stay at the resort with a Sea View Room with Balcony, 2 Buffet dinners, 3 Buffet Breakfasts, 2 days of Bridge in an exclusive function room with tea/snacks provided by the hotel and 2-way transport on a VIP coach. The price is just S$240. The booking is now closed but you may want to submit your name to Shamim at zaris@singnet.com.sg in case there are any cancellations.

BROKEN BRIDG –JQK (jokes, quotes & krap)

12. Puzzle Corner --- Alcatraz Coup
Consider this situation. A J 10 in Dummy and K x x in Declarer’s hand. How to guarantee 3 tricks? Think about it for a minute before reading on.
Declarer leads the J from dummy and on getting a low card from RHO, revokes by playing a side suit! LHO will either play a low a card or the Q. If the card is low, Declarer corrects his unestablished revoke with a low card. If the Q is played, he corrects it with the K. Of course, LHO is permitted to take back his Q without penalty, but now the marked finesse gives 3 tricks!
If something like this happens against you, call the director. Any qualified competent director will use Law 12 (Director’s Discretionary Powers) to rectify damage to ensure you at least get the Q trick or Average Plus. If the Director feels there are ethical issues involved, the penalty will be very severe on the declarer including suspension or debarment.

13. Back up Plan
“We can't all be full-time Bridge Players. There must be someone who has to work to support us.”
14. Sluffed
“Lucky we don’t have bridge players for neighbours, otherwise our street will become a dump site in no time. All they ever talk about is discard this, discard that...”

15. Bird Brain?
Bridge players are like woodpeckers. They succeed by using their head.

16. Living Dangerously
The Americans were desperate. They had 3 great players for the Bermuda Bowl World Bridge Championships but could not find a suitable 4th. Finally in the slums of Iraq they found an unknown bridge genius. They quickly made him a US citizen and a member of the team. True to expectations, the ex-Iraqi was the anchor man and showed amazing bid judgment and made many impossible contracts. After winning the tournament, he excitedly called his mother and told her the news.

"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman said. "You deserted us. You're not my son."

“But mother," the young man pleaded. "I just won the greatest Bridge event in the world. I'm in the middle of hundreds of adoring fans and a huge bonus is coming my way."
“No, let me tell you," the mother sobs. "At this very moment, there are gun shots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubbish and rubble. Last week, your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight ... (sniff … sniff…) … I’ll never forgive you for making us move to New York."

17. Pandemic
Bridge is gaining popularity and it is now everywhere in the world … just like AIDS.

18. Splitting Honours
During a Bridge party there are those who want to play on and those that are totally fed up and want to go home. The trouble is that they are always a partnership.

19. As easy as zzz
“I have often won major tournaments and pulled off impossible slams.
Unfortunately it’s always in my dreams.”

20. How’s That Again?
“I could play bridge with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I rather play bridge with the cows until you come home.” (Groucho Marx … sort of)

21. How’s That Again?
“Another Beginner Bridge Course is starting next month. If you missed it the last time, this is your golden opportunity to miss it again.”

23. Nuclear Waste
Bridge is a weapon of mass distraction.

24. Bridge of Life
Why learn to play bridge? Isn’t life bad enough without bridge?

25. Bottom Line
The difference between a fantastic bid and a stupid bid is largely a matter of result.

26. How’s That Again?
The inherent downside in looking for a new bridge partner is the possibility of that you might actually get one.

27. Over the Top
If you think the contract looks easy, be careful, you may be going downhill.

28. Bridge versus Movies
The only reason I prefer Bridge to the movies is that the toilets are usually much closer.

29. My Bitter Half
“I play bridge to be entertained. If I want to be stressed and abused, I might as well stay home with my wife.”

30. Bridge over the Cuckold’s Nest
Bridge is the last refuge of brain damaged intellectuals.

31. Brain Not Included
I gave my young nephew a pack of cards; He spent 5 minutes looking for the place to put in the batteries.

32. How’s That Again?
“I found out that my husband had been sneaking out to play bridge. When I confronted him with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.”

33. Over the Hill
“Since my bridge partner turned 45, she not only forgets the cards but has been exceptionally short-tempered when I point it out. I think she is going through her mental pause.”

34. Bottom Feeders
“I always knew that if all else failed I could go back and play professional bridge -- as you can see, all else has failed.”

35. JQK till you Drop
For the LARGEST COLLECTION of Bridge Jokes, Quotes and Krap in the WHOLE WORLD (no joke!), visit http://bridgejokes.blogspot.com. These are extracted from past issues of THE GRANDSLAM. If you also want to read the articles and puzzles as well, visit THE GRANDSLAM archives at http://bridge-newsletter.blogspot.com

Zain Moledina,
SRC Bridge Section Convenor
September 27, 2008
Email: zaris@singnet.com.sg