Grandslam #26

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
JUL/AUG 04 ISSUE #26



1. Message from the Convenor – B.K.Tham
All good things must come to an end. In my case I must say my term as Conveyor of the Bridge Section has been overall enjoyable. Was it also enjoyable for you? It is time to pass the baton to a younger and more active person to lead you to higher achievements.
Before I step down, I must thank the section Committee Members and the SRC Management Committee and also the staff of SRC for their unfailing support throughout the year. I have not forgotten all the Section members and also our regular supporters of our Monday/Tuesday night practice sessions. They make them exciting and impart their knowledge and skills to the games.
I Thank You All.

2. Upcoming SRC 5th Bridge Section AGM
The 5th Annual General Meeting of the SRC Bridge Section will be held on Sunday, 25 July 2004 at Lounge 1883 at 1:30 PM. All Bridge Section Members are encouraged to attend.
The AGM will include the election of office bearers for the 2004/2005 period. If you would like to stand for office, or nominate someone, please contact Pamela Poon (PR Executive) on 6430-7548 or email pamela.pr@src.org.sg prior to the meeting.

3. Upcoming SRC 5th Annual Teams Tournament
Mark your calendar for this unique and fun Bridge Competition. Ten teams will compete for prizes and glory in our 5th annual Teams Tournament, which immediately follows the AGM.
Registration is closed as ten teams have already confirmed their participation. In addition to SRC players, there are teams from Chinese Swimming Club, Serangoon Gardens Country Club, Changi Beach Club and the Peoples’ Association Retirees’ Club.

4. History of Bridge - Morton Fork Coup
The Morton Fork Coup is one of the more delightful plays in Bridge, provided, of course, you are not the victim!

A player (usually a defender) is put in a dilemma. He is offered a trick by the declarer, but whether he accepts the trick or not, he will end up in a losing position.
Morton was the Chancellor of the Exchequer to Henry VII of England. He was in charge of collecting taxes from the noble class. He would observe the lifestyles of the payees before approaching them for taxes.
His logic was simple. If they were spendthrifts, he would tell them to cut back on the extravagant ways and pay taxes to the king. If they were thrifty and living frugally, he told them that they were clearly hoarding their wealth and therefore could easily pay taxes to the king as well.
In either case, the taxes would be collected. Sort of “Heads I win, Tails you lose” in the modern context.


5. SRC Bridge Results – 4th May – 22th June

Date Pairs FIRST SECOND THIRD
4 May 10 Rahim & Lawrence Zain & Ron S Greg & Ron Q
11 May 8 Yu & Ping Ron S & Teresa Shamim & Murli
18 May
25 May 8 ½ Yu & Ping Alan & Ronald Q Jane & Molly
1 June 10 Carl & Chris [TIE] Leong & Pat and Greg & Ronald Q
8 June 10 Richard & David Ron S & Greg Alan & Peng Huat
15 June 10 Rahim and Ron S. Soh Hong & Desmond Richard & David
22 June 6 Richard & David Rahim & Ron S. BK & Helen Tham

6. Tip of the Month --Escaping Problems
The real test of a bridge player isn't in keeping out of trouble, but how to escape once he is in it.

7. Goren Pisang
Helen Sobel is arguable one of the best woman players of all time. However there was a time when she was just starting out in her bridge career and had the rare opportunity to partner the legendary Charles Goren.
When asked by a journalist what it feels like to play with a really great player, she casually pointed to Goren and said “Ask him!”

8. Total Recall
Two great players, Robert Sheehan and Jonathan Cansino, had been having a terrible game. Of course each thinks it is the other's fault. Finally Sheehan hands Jonathan a tiny piece of blank paper and says: Here Jonathan, write down everything you know about bridge." Jonathan replies: "Well, it's a bigger piece of paper than I would have given you."


9. Puzzle – Weakest Winning Trick
Can a hand holding four 2s, four 3s, four 4s and one 5 legally win a trick in No Trumps? Of course the answer is “yes” otherwise why would it be a puzzle. But you will have to wreck your brains to figure it out how it can happen. Knowledge of obscure laws of Bridge is definitely an asset.

10. Puzzle – Hand Patterns
How many hand patterns are there? (Disregard suit order)
29 (B) 39 (C) 49 (D) 59

)hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
11. I Say, Old Chap ….
A bridge game was going on in a bridge club in London. Old Mr. Jones memory isn’t what it used to be. After opening Hearts, he ended up playing 7NT but thought it was 7H. The opponents led the CA and the dummy went down with a void in Clubs.
“Ruff low please.” said Mr. Jones
“I would loved to” replied his partner.

12. Facing the Problem
A bridge teacher explaining duplicate bridge protocol tells this lady to make her opening leads face down. She promptly puts her head on the table and leads a card – face up!

13. Squeaky Clean
Sam: I don’t know what happened. My mind went blank like it has been brainwashed.
Joe: Your brain has not only been washed, it has been dry-cleaned

14. Dirty Low Down Spade
A weak player hires John to be his partner in a high stakes game. The weak player leads the SK and John has the S 10 9 8. John knows that if he plays the 8 his partner will think it is a high card and will continue the suit, which will be awful. So what to do?
He pulls out the S8, purposely drops it under the table and spends a long time trying to fish it out. Finally his partner asks him what he is looking for. John replies; Oh nothing, I just dropped a low spade."

15. Mumbo Jumbo
“As I was saying,” the Bridge Instructor continued, “the working ruffing finesse can be viewed as a simple Morton Coup which allows the declarer to trump or sluff if the opponent covers or else discard a loser if he doesn’t. There are also en passant possibilities.”
The instructor noticed that one student of his class was not taking notes. When asked why, he replied
“Well, I am waiting until you start speaking English”

16. Vile Reptile
After watching “Jurassic Park”, Jane asked Sue if she thought whether a T. Rex dinosaur could be cloned.
“What do you mean by “could be”. Have you seen my bridge partner?”

17. Equality
Ms. Bertha never partners men, as she firmly believes that all men were created equal. Equally incompetent, that is.

18. Invisible Clues
“There are no blind opening leads, only deaf bridge players”
– Old bridge adage.

19. How’s That Again?
After Sam led a Diamond 7, declarer asked his partner what kind of leads they play.
Joe answered “His lead could be a fourth best from the middle of a top of nothing.”

20. How’s That Again?
My Partner bid a “lead directing” Double to tell himself what to lead.

21. Daffy-nit-shuns -- Gerber Convention
Gerber Convention — annual meeting of baby-food manufacturers

22. Daffy-nit-shuns -- Short Club
Short Club — a private organization for midgets

23. Right or Wrong Rule?
Remember the guy who led the 8 from 98 doubleton because his teacher told him "eight ever, nine never."

24. Puzzle Answer -- Weakest Winning Trick
Yes, but it has never happened in real life. One player accidentally plays 2 cards to an earlier trick and wins the 12th trick with his last card and therefore has nothing to lead. The law says that the lead passes in rotation and the worthless hand wins a trick with the last card – a suit which everybody else has already played or discarded.

25. Puzzle Answer – Hand Patterns
(B) There are 39 hand patterns, ranging from 4-3-3-3 to 13-0-0-0.

Editor: Zain Moledina
July 2004

Ed. Note : Thanks to Carlton Parker for helping out on this Grandslam as I was away.