Grandslam #27

THE GRANDSLAM
SRC BRIDGE SECTION NEWSLETTER
SEP/OCT 04 ISSUE #27

Message from the (New) Convenor – Shamim Moledina
I wish to thank all the section members for the privilege of serving as your convenor and ask for your continued support. As I mentioned at the AGM, I am confident that together with my very dedicated and able committee members, we can continue to build up the bridge section in terms of quality and quantity. This means doing well in competitions and increasing our membership.
I would like to begin by congratulating our “True Blue” Team for bringing the title back to SRC in our annual Team Event and to Zain & Theresa for winning the Gold Medal in the prestigious Pesta Sukan Mixed Pairs. I cannot think of a more superb start to my term of office! With continued SRC MC support, I believe there will be more successes to come.
One of the players mentioned to me that the team event was extremely exciting, like horse racing! I have never heard this term applied to bridge before, but I fully agree. The live computer scoring displayed on the screen after each round added unbelievable tension and pressure! But I believe everyone had a really enjoyable time.

SRC Bridge Section 4th AGM – 25th July 2004
There was a quorum and our AGM started on time at 1.30pm. The finance of the section remains healthy. Once again, there was only one candidate running for each position. Congratulations to the SRC Bridge Committee for 2004/2005.
Convenor: Shamim Moledina
Vice Convenor: B.K. Tham
Treasurer: N.W. Leong
Secretary: Carlton Parker
Editor: Zain Moledina
Dorothy Wong brought up the fact that many people were not able to register for this year’s Annual Teams Event as the quota of 10 teams was reached very quickly. The committee fully agreed with Dorothy. In last year’s tournament, there was difficulty getting 10 teams together. Therefore the committee had put together a plan to increase participation by relaxing the rules on team formation and a 2-tier fee structure to reward our regular supporters. The committee underestimated the overwhelming response. It was agreed to increase the number of teams next year yet find a way to manage the duration of the tournament.

3. SRC 4th Annual Open Teams Tournament – 25th July
What a match! What excitement! Tempers rising! Nail-biting finish!
You had to be there to feel the tension, the somber faces, the agony and the ecstasy. After Round 8 of a 9 round tournament, 6 of the 10 teams were in the running! Not only that. All 4 SRC teams were in that group of 6. And it all depended on the last round. Who will choke? Who will survive? Can the leaders fend off the late chargers? Who will go home on cloud 9 and who will have sad stories to tell about lost opportunities, mistakes and plain bad luck?
At the close, SRC’s “True Blue” team of Carlton Parker, Chris Wong, Dorothy Wong and Richard Lim were the Champions. Having steadily built up their lead in the earlier rounds, they manage to hold steady as the fast finishing teams closed in. PA (Alan Chua, Tan Peng Huat, Wong, Ron Oh) came in second, “SRC 7 No Trumps” (BK & Helen Tham, Yu Chun Yee, David Chew) was third followed by “SRC Mad Hatters” (Zain & Shamim Moledina, Rahim Rahmat, Ron Savage). Last year’s champions, Chinese Swimming Club, were 5th followed by “SRC Amigos Para Siempre”.
Trivia on the Event:
Most Popular M/F Ratio: 5 out of the 10 teams had 3 men and 1 lady.
Fastest Finish: SRC Mad Hatters scored only 34 VP in the first 6 rounds but 39 (out of 42) in the final 3.
Widest Age Range: SGCC had the oldest and youngest players in the match. Stella is 81 and Sean is 15.
Most Interesting Team Name: Amigos Para Siempre means Friends for Life. It is from an Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical sung by Jose Carreras and Sarah Brightman. This name expresses the Siaks & Leongs approach to the game; enjoying themselves -- as good friends do when they meet.

Special thanks goes to SRC Social Chairman Mr. Francis Lee and his wife for gracing the occasion, Pamela Poon for the organisation, Robin for a superb job as Director, Victor Gan for catering an excellent buffet dinner and to Carl, Pat, Helen and Shamim for donating the lucky draw prizes.

4. Pesta Sukan Aug 7th to 9th
This regional tournament was organised by SCBA and held at Le Meridien in Orchard Road. SRC participated only in the Open Mixed Pair Event through Zain, who partnered Theresa. They won the Gold Medal.
1st Theresa Lee & Zain Moledina 59.6%
2nd Meiqi Huang & Kelvin Seah 55.6%
3rd K. Makimoto & Kim Yin Lim 53.6%
4th Lilio Ho & C. T. Ng 53.5%
5th Yuqian Hong & Loo Choon Chou 52.7%
Winners of other matches at the Pesta Sukan were:
Bozzetto Azzurro (Edwin Lau, Tan Siew Chuan, L L Wong, Fong Kien Hong, K C Hui, Tan Wei Teck) in the Open Teams.
Greta Chai, S S Chang, Kelvin Ng, S N Mathur in the Mixed Team. Kelvin Ng/Eng Kai Seng in the IMP Pairs.
Poon Hua/Loo Choon Chou in the Open Pairs.
Congratulations to all.

5. Siglap CC Hi-Tea Tournament – 11th July
This tournament attracted 14 pairs and a delicious carb-rich tea break ensured that even the losers did not go back empty.
1st Ron Savage (PA/SiglapCC) & Zain Moledina (SRC/SiglapCC)
2nd Ronnie Oh (SiglapCC) & Alan Chua (SiglapCC)
3rd Shamim Moledina (SRC/Siglap CC) & Ron Quan
4th Tan Peng Huat (CSC) & Michael Fernandes

6. History of Bridge – Head of NATO
During WW2, General Dwight D. Eisenhower often relaxed by playing bridge with other generals, including General Alfred Gruenther, with whom he develop a long partnership. But after the war in 1948, the former commander of the allied armies had a desk job as the president of Columbia University. One day while playing bridge, he was called to the phone and returned looking blank. When asked about it. He replied, “It was the President (Truman). He wants me to go to Paris as head of NATO.”
“Will you go?” they asked
“If the President says go, you go” he replied
“Who will you take as your number two?”
“I ought to take Bedell Smith, but I think I will take Gruenther because he is a better bridge player.”
When Eisenhower later became President of the US, Gruenther succeeded him as head of NATO.

7. SRC Tuesday Bridge Results – 30th Jun to 31st Aug
DATE Pairs FIRST SECOND THIRD
18 May** 8 RonS/Rahim Leong/Pat Yu/Ping
30 Jun 9 RonS/Rahim Richard/David PengHuat/RonOh
6 Jul 10 Molly/Jane Helen/B.K. Rahim/Lawrence
13 Jul 11 RonOh/Koh Helen/RonS Zain/Rahim
20 Jul 9 RonOh/Koh RonS/Rahim Molly/Jane
27 Jul 10 Shamim/Rana RonS/Rahim Zain/Theresa=Yu/Ping
3 Aug 7 Zain/Theresa =Molly & Jenny Carl/Rahim
10 Aug 8 PengHuat/Allan Yu/Ping Theresa/RonS
17 Aug 6 Sri/Siva* Rahim/RonS Yu/Ping
24 Aug 8 Siva/Sri* Zain/Shamim RonS/Rahim
31 Aug 10 PengHuat/RonO Rahim/RonS Zain/Shamim
* Congratulations to Sri & Siva for their superb start and to Ron Savage & Rahim Rahmat for a steady performance throughout.
** 18th May result was inadvertently omitted in the previous issue.

8. Laws of Bridge – Card Played
It is not unusual to see players fiddling with their cards or changing their minds when they play their cards. But when exactly is a card played? Law 45 states that a card is considered played when:
a. Declarer picks up or otherwise selects a valid card from dummy.
b. Declarer names a valid card in the dummy.
c. Declarer pulls a valid card and exposes it near the table.
d. Declarer touches a valid card in dummy except when arranging or accidentally touching a card above and below the selected card.
e. Defender exposes a valid card to his partner.

Obviously, if the played card is not valid (i.e. illegal/revoke) or out of turn, other rules apply. Bottom Line: Think First, Play Later.

9. List of Bridge Players
You never need to be without a partner again! SRC Bridge Section has compiled a list of all our regulars (over 80 names!) and their contact numbers. If you have not got your copy yet, please contact Shamim 64486664 or email zaris@pacific.net.sg

10. Genting Bridge Escapade #5
Due to several requests, another trip is being organised from Oct 3rd to Oct 7th.. A few places are still available. Please contact Shamim 64486664 for details. Don’t miss out on this fun event of the year!

11. Psychic Bids at SRC
A resolution was passed last month to bar psychic bids at the Tuesday practice session at SRC. Please call the director if it occurs.

?????????????? ?????????????? ??????????????
12. Puzzle - Elvis Presley Coup
The “Elvis Presley Coup” occurs in an endplay situation. After stripping your left-hand opponent of his exit cards, you throw him in. He is now forced to lead from his A-Q tenace to your K-x.
Try to figure out why it is called the “Elvis Presley Coup”.
Clue: Elvis, of course, is the King. (See 25 below for answer)

13. Puzzle - Hand Patterns (see 26 below for answers)
Which is the most common hand pattern?
Which hand pattern is the more common? 4-3-3-3 or 5-4-3-1?
Which hand pattern is the more common? 4-4-4-1 or 6-4-2-1?

L I g h t e r S I d e O f B r I d g e

14. Bridge et al
There is more to life than Bridge, but not much more.

15. I, Chimp
A popular bar hired a genetically modified chimpanzee bartender. A fellow came in for a drink and the chimp asked him “What's your IQ?”
The man bluffed, “150”
So the chimp proceeded to make conversation about Quantum physics, string theory, relativity, and so on.
The man listened intently and thought, 'This is really cool.'
The man decided to test the chimp again. He walked out the bar, turned around, and came back in for another drink. Again, the chimp asked him, 'What's your IQ?'
The man responded, “100.”
So the chimp started talking about current events, politics, and so on.
The man thought to himself, “Wow, this is amazing.”
The man went out and came back in a third time. As before, the chimp asked him, 'What's your IQ?'
The man replied, “50.”
“So” the chimp said, “how was your bridge game last night?”

16. Divine Consequences
Tom was a Bridge fanatic and a religious man as well. He would play bridge everyday. Tom was getting on in years, and one day after feeling rather poorly, he remarked to his wife, "I sure hope there is Bridge in the after-life"
The moment he finished uttering those words, he heard a voice thunder, "Tom, this is God, I hear you and will answer your question. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"
Tom was startled, "Well, give me the good news, O God".
God replied, "The good news is that we have over 1000 Bridge Clubs with players of all standards. Your finesses will always work and everybody is really nice and polite."
Tom was ecstatic, "That is wonderful! What possibly can be the bad news?"
God replied, "You start playing tomorrow at 9:00 am."

17. Why Bridge is Better
You are not likely to get into trouble if you play with someone else's partner.

18. Allies to Opponents
There's no game like Bridge. You start to play with three friends and finish with three enemies.


19. The 12 Laws of Bridge
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last hand was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the last hand of the match, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend well over the course of a tournament … actually your lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best game of bridge will be followed almost immediately by your worst ever. The intensity of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Finesses never work. If one does, the law of the universe has been broken and life as we know it will come to an end … and it is your fault.

LAW 4: As soon as you fail to make your contract, your partner will look to the ceiling and shake his head. It is totally irrelevant that your partner supported your suit with a void.

LAW 5: Incompetence has no correlation to years of experience. You will go downhill without ever reaching the top.

LAW 6: The more points or trumps you hold in your hand, the worse the distribution will be. This bridge law mocks the law of statistics. When you have an 8-card trump fit, not only will the split be (at least) 4-1, but the opponent with the singleton will get a ruff.

LAW 7: A smiling opponent is the most painful torture known to man. Pretending that you did not see the smile quadruples the pain.

LAW 8: You will always forget whether a critical card has been played when it matters the most. No matter how you decide, it will always be wrong. Law 7 will immediately follow this.

LAW 9: No matter how well you shuffle the cards, the Ace will sit behind your King. (see Law 3 and Elvis Presley Coup)

LAW 10: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you. Law 7 will immediately follow this.

LAW 11: No matter how well you are doing, the last three hands will automatically drop your score to what it really should be.

LAW 12: Bridge should be given up at least twice per month and whenever Law 7 occurs.

20. Daffy-nit-shuns : Losing Always Losing at Bridge: A continuous hangover without the Intoxication.

21. Daffy-nit-shuns – Bridge Mistake
A 'mistake' in bridge is any action, either in bidding or play, which is unsuccessful.

22. Sarcasm Overheard at the Bridge Table
Bridge Player: "You've got to be the worst partner in the world!"
Partner: "I doubt it, that would be too much of a coincidence"

Bridge Player: " Well, Partner, How do you like my play?"
Partner: "Very good! But personally I prefer Bridge."

Bridge Player: "Sorry Partner, I have never played this badly before!"
Partner: "I didn't realize you have played before."

Bridge Player: " Do you think my game is improving?"
Partner: "Oh yes! You only go down one nowadays"

Bridge Player: "Do you think it is a sin to play Bridge on Sunday?"
Partner: "The way you play, it's a crime any day of the week!"

23. Divine Punishment
Bridge is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early.

24. Still Short
He is an excellent declarer and can always make one trick more than others. Unfortunately, he bids two levels too high.

25. Elvis Presley Coup - revealed
The King is Alive!

26. Answer: Hand Patterns Quiz
1. 4-4-3-2 is by far the most common. It occurs 21.56 percent of the time.
2. 5-4-3-1 occurs 12.93 percent of the time, and 4-3-3-3 only 10.54.
3. 6-4-2-1 occurs 4.70 percent of the time, and 4-4-4-1 only 2.99.
Surprised?

Zain Moledina
Editor
zaris@pacific.net.sg
September 1st 2004

Editor’s Note : Quite frequently I create or include jokes and sayings which demeans Bridge.. Some people may feel that I should not do that to the game we all love so much. I believe most of us can laugh at ourselves without taking the insults seriously. “The Grandslam” would indeed be a sterile newsletter without the occasional slight.